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Messages - Marissa87
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« on: June 26, 2010, 12:09:31 AM »
Ughhh
I am so confused.
Ughhh, Today!
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« on: June 26, 2010, 12:02:53 AM »
Macaulay is usually very private. I always enjoy when he speaks up about Michael. They had such a bond.
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« on: June 26, 2010, 12:00:55 AM »
My confession to all of you, my fellow beLIEvers
This is actually something I wrote at the spur of the moment. I personally do not believe in confessionals but I figured that this would be the best thing to call it. It would actually be nice if this could be a place where fellow beLIEvers post their own feelings, fears and confessions as important dates knock at our doors. This is actually something I’m a bit ashamed of so please understand that it is not easy for me to show this to the world so to speak. It was really hard to write this because I could not stop myself from crying.
I had just seen that special on Animal Planet about Michael Jackson and Bubbles: ‘The Untold Story.’ The last bit of that show with Latoya talking with Bubbles stuck with me for some reason. Yes I believe that Michael may still be alive but there are things that tend to pull on the ‘heart strings.’ It did not cause me to have doubt but seeing Latoya cry like that broke my heart into a million pieces. I just felt like hugging her and crying with her.
I know that I am not very active on here but I read nearly everything you guys post. I feel like I know all of you because of that. So here I present you my personal confession. I was actually gonna delete this but I decided that I should share this with you instead.
It’s almost that time…
As I sit here, I’m riddled with thoughts and memories. It’s really hard not to think about him. I ask myself… Have I gone mad? Am I losing touch with reality?
Here I am hanging by a thread. I feel that if I move just a little, I’ll fall into a dark hole. A bottomless pit with no end, that is, no end in life. But only death could end it.
There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by in which I don’t think of him. He still haunts me in my dreams. I want him to leave me alone but he doesn’t. He continues to dance on the black reflective corridors of my mind. It’s as if he is calling me to go with him.
The love that I have for this man is nearly unrivaled by anything on this earth. I have never in my life loved another human being like this. They say that love is a beautiful thing but if that were so, why is this so painful?
I demand an answer from myself as I did that day and every day since then.
Why does this matter? Why does he matter? I was not a fan before that day so why is he so important to me? Why did it have to take what happened on that day for me to pay attention to him?
It’s like a sickness, a disease with no cure.
No matter where I go, there he is in the form of an elegant broach, in the form of a sequined article of clothing or in a fedora hat that adorns a mannequin. I want to run away from the world to avoid seeing objects that provoke such emotions. But even if I could, I would be in the confines of my room, a room which is filled with memories of him. For it was modified and conceived in the wake of my deepest sorrow. Every stroke of the paintbrush was executed with such strong emotions towards him and his plight. I can’t escape from looking at any portion of my habitation without being reminded of what I felt when I was working on it.
There is no closure whatsoever.
I wish I knew when this would all end. I wish that it were that simple. I wish that I could just move on but I can’t.
Every day that goes by, I’m pummeled with emotions and thoughts that eventually lead to him.
I am a prisoner of such emotions and I can’t break free.
Like a ball and chin, I carry this immense burden with every step that I take. It’s so heavy and it’s weighing on me. It really is.
Despite the fact that there is such strong evidence that he is alive, I’m still unable to rid myself of this misery.
It is going to be a year and yet my wound is still fresh and it refuses to heal.
The summer sun shines ever so brightly but it can’t seem to penetrate even the thinnest parts of this cloud that hangs over me. I’m drenched in my own tears. I almost can’t have salt because I’m sickened with the many tears that I have tasted.
I can’t imagine being subjected to life in which there is such emptiness and longing. The air that I breathe is forever filled with the bitter scent of nostalgia.
What’s wrong with me?
Why is this happening to me?
When will this end?
I wish I had an answer to all of these questions but sadly, I don’t and I do not know if I ever will.
All I know is that on that day, June 25th 2009, my old self died and I was born to a whole new world but I’m not sure if I like it.
Without Michael, I’m not sure if I like it at all.
~alma~
I think you've just read my mind because your words show that I am feeling the exact same way as you. Very brave of you to share that. Sending you lots of love XXX
Thank you so much for writing the words I've longed to write. You read my mind too. I'm afraid. I am moving away from home, and I am scared to move on because I don't want to current 'relationship' with Michael to change. Today was so difficult. I tried to distract my self with friends and normal Friday night activities but all I could think about was WHEN WHEN WHEN. I'm slipping. I need something major to lift me back up.
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« on: June 25, 2010, 11:39:43 PM »
Ya....I think I need the confessional.
Today was DIFFICULT. Spent most of the day angry.
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« on: June 25, 2010, 06:29:32 AM »
Woke up from an awful dream about my own father being dead.
Welcome to June 25th.
It's going to be a long day.
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« on: June 24, 2010, 12:19:19 AM »
He's just too frickin adorable. I can't take it.
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« on: June 24, 2010, 12:02:47 AM »
Wow, he looks gorgeous! I love it.
His short hair looks amazing.
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« on: June 23, 2010, 11:38:10 PM »
I live it Ottawa. I was at lunch with a friend. We were actually talking about how awesome California is even though they have earthquakes when the power went out and the ground shook for like 30 seconds.
We just sat there and stared at each other. Frozen.
People in Canada are NOT used to earthquakes. It was quite a shock. Everyone got to go home from work. Haha! Government workers losing their minds... A few windows cracked downtown but that's about it.
This is all people are going to talk about for weeks now.
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« on: June 17, 2010, 10:58:21 PM »
I BeLIEve. This is awesome. Thank you TS.
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« on: June 05, 2010, 10:02:26 AM »
Wow fascinating stuff.
Can't wait to see how this develops.
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« on: June 04, 2010, 11:00:02 PM »
Does anyone have a photo of Elvis giving a real big smile. Like the one is the 1990s photo?
Elvis always had the crooked smile but the guy in the photo is smiling pretty differently.
If we could match the smile than I am sold. Everything else looks the same to me.
12
« on: May 30, 2010, 10:03:03 PM »
Wow guys, I haven't been on in a while. I wasn't on the fence or anything I just wanted to take a break and NOT think about it.
It's lovely to come back on here and see all these new clues and know that everyone is still believing just as much, if not more, than before.
I love it, thanks for the motivation.
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« on: April 15, 2010, 10:28:40 PM »
[youtube:wfy4krob]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoszPv5mwCs&playnext_from=TL&videos=yAUhNo8KxOk[/youtube:wfy4krob]
her you go...him doing a similar voice in his younger years This was the first thing that came to mind as soon as I heard his disguised voice! Good job posting it up here.
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« on: April 05, 2010, 11:28:25 PM »
I can't seem to find the timelines anywhere and I can't go to sleep without asking this to someone who knows.
I remember Kenny Ortega saying that rehearsals usually ended around 1am every night. June 24th was the last rehearsal. I'd imagine it would also end late.
At what time did CM say in his timeline of that night that he started giving Michael sleeping aids? Wasn't it something like 10pm???
I'm asking because I feel like the two timelines aren't matching up. Anyone care to help me on this? If this has already been discussed, please give me the redirect.
Thanksss!
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« on: April 04, 2010, 07:57:26 AM »
It is interesting how the propofol self-injection argument mirrors the same controversy that surrounded Kurt Cobain's death.
Cobain was said to have injected SUCH a lethal amount of heroine into his system that it would have knocked him out in less than 5 seconds, making him groggy instantly. He then apparently, proceeded to shoot himself in the mouth.
Personally, I believe Cobain was murdered. Michael's story seems to be following this same trend. There is absolutely no way he would have been able to inject all that himself. BS BS BS.
Little by little Michael is revealed...
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