I'm losing steam guys...

[hesouttamylife]

Something is starting to feel strange, it's like Michael is beginning to fade ever so slightly.  The anticipation of something new and positive is not there.  Are we at the end of discovery? What else is there left to discover or uncover?  Seems no stones have been left unturned. Now it's just wait and wait some more.  It's making me feel empty inside. Sad even. I don't know what's happening, but it doesn't feel good at all :? It feels like some lost  reality is about to set in,  and it doesn't feel like a positive one.  Help.  I need reinforcements.  Something.  I am not ready to give up or give in but nothing feels right anymore. :cry:   Am I losing hope?  I don't know, but today has been a very depressing one and it's not getting any better.

[voiceforthesilent]

Maybe you're just tired. Take a break and focus on your immediate life. Take a deep breath. Watch a comedy or two. Think about all of the strange things that have happened, not the fact that we still don't have Michael with us in person. Try to put the puzzle together in your head without expecting it to look a certain way when you're finished. I know it's difficult. Seek the truth. Be thankful that you are learning so much that you didn't know before. There is still plenty to come I'm sure. Be strong, if anything for Michael's sake. It's an adventure, a great adventure. Blessings.

[hesouttamylife]

Thanks for the advice.  I need voice of reason for sure.  I think I'll take a mini vacation and just chill for a couple of days.  I have been on this dang computer every free waking hour since June 25.  Hopefully this weight will lift.  I've got to at least try.  I don't like the way that I'm feeling right now.  It's got to get better. :?

[AnnieIsNotOK]

I understand what your going through!Two days ago,I had one hell of a depressing evening,I even cried.I haven't felt like this in weeks,in months.I'm a strong believer,but that evening,I questionned myself and felt scared,not that he might be dead,but scared to never find out what really happened.I came back on the forum to read some of my favorite threads again.That helped me.But you know what?I do trust Michael,he did say that this was an adventure...a great one!It is a long wait,I admit...almost 10 months,so many ups and downs but we have to keep the faith.We might think we have gone through everything pretty much but there is more to come,I'm sure.He did this for a reason,a good one.This might be a lousy pep talk but it comes from the bottom of my heart Let's hang there together,we will find out eventually the truth.We have to trust him.
                                                                       L.O.V.E.
                                                                                              Annie

[_Dangerous_]

well u know.. i had a life before this website  :lol:
and now its gone..  and im sooooo into this..
that i cant think clearly..
im not gonna tell u to take a few days off..
cause thats impossible  :lol:  well, it is for me
why dont u remember about all the strange things that happened
i mean.. it doesnt matter if hes comin back.. all those things scream HOAX ! all over the place
u cant give up with SO many clues just in front of your eyes !  
trust me if u want to.. u can PM any time  

[AvaMarie]

Stay strong I know it gets hard at times. But let's look on the bright side all the days, hours, weeks and months spend investigating will pay off in the end when that day comes. Believe me I have those days as well dealing with personal issues in my life I sometimes wonder if anything is worth. But you have to keep your head up. Watch a movie that you love. Just take sometime think about all the clues and what is to come. You can always PM if you have something you need to talk about.

[hesouttamylife]

I've decided to read Remember the times by Teresa Gonslaves, and it is quite refreshing.  I've had it for a while but was skeptical about reading her "letters to Michael" thinking it was gonna be all crap and dillusion.,  However, it is quite the opposite and a refreshing read.  It reminds me of something I once did without the happy ending; but still without any regrets 8-)  It's a great little book and speaks of an intimate incident that was sweet and innocent.  It's very realistic and I was glad to read it.  If you guys want to read something way off from everything else out there, no tabloid junk and unreasonable fables, give it a read.  You will enjoy it.  She was one helluva lucky, determined, focused chick-a-dee!

[50thstatebeliever]

I know what you mean, exactly. I'm the same. Lingering somewhere between holding on very hard to believing - and then being overwhelmed by alot of negatives that seem to be slowly taking place of the postive. Seeing Janet on Oprah...Janet - that I respect and do believe - whereas I don't believe or trust Latoya...but seeing Janet so sad...and still not able to hear Michael's music or see his pics or even attempt to watch TII...it made me wonder...are we so in denial, so in denial that we will forever refuse to believe the truth that Michael is gone? Are we just holding on because we just want him alive? Regardless of the truth that he is really gone? But then I think, if the hoax is not real, why won't Janet say so, like how Latoya said so in the French TV interview? Why won't Janet say outright, "You guys, we know you love Michael, but you have to believe me, let it go...let him rest in peace." Why won't she say that? Does it mean the hoax is real? back and forth back and forth..some days I'm stronger..other days I'm not. I was fine for a while - kept doing what I had to do each day, then today, out of the blue, on the radio, was Nat King Cole's version of "SMILE"...and then I walked to the window in my room and looked out...and I felt as though the truth was speaking to me, like Michael was saying, "let me go...let me go..don't do this to my spirit...I'm at a happier place." and I was sooo sad...because something in me said he's gone...stop torturing yourself and hanging on to wishful thinking...
But even still, there is an ounce of hope left inside me. I want June to come and go...then maybe I'll think differently..or maybe not...maybe I'll still be just as lost...

Michael...if all our thoughts of you could bring you to us - you'd have been back from the first day. You have no idea what you've done to the world...by disappearing...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

I feel the same way as you do more and more, but am hoping that this summer will be better than the emotionally stressful one last year

I think he's really gone too, but I'm keeping an open mind.

[mumof3]

I know what you mean it has gone quiet. But watch piano games new video it will change your mind

[MJonmind]

Just noticed this discussion on being discouraged and I totally identify. Hope you find comfort in knowing you're not alone. I hope you don't mind but I copied and pasted what I just wrote on another topic where the discussion was on possible murder theory. I beLIEve but I'm often sad:

      I disagree that Sony and Aeg thought MJ was worth more dead than alive. I believe they and Michael knew that he was worth more dead supposedly to the public and fans, and still alive generating more creative genious for future selling. Hoaxing his death as well as being creative behind the scenes thru film and innovation "never doing the same twice" was what Michael clearly has spoken wanted to do, his dream. They make their money, he fulfills his dream. Will.I.Am said the whole music industry needed a jolt, and only the maker of Thriller could put it back in. This Is It, thriller II (TII) something "never done before" where we are all part of Thriller and MJ coming back from the dead (a form of 3D). Sony and AEG know they could literally dominate the planet if this happens according to MJ's dream. "It's all a part of the plan".

Beyonce beautifully said the truth, she wouldn't be performing if it wasn't for Michael, and neither would the whole musical industry be what they are today if it wasn't for him. Black artists have literally dominated music genre today. When you saw that crowd cheer as he received his award and the incredible words from the Guiness rep, "Michael is the most famous person on the planet, and sold more albums that any other artist, 750 mill and 104 mill just for Thriller." That crowd wouldn't stop cheering and people in the industry know Michael is the goose that lays golden eggs. Why would all those same people turn around and together conspire to knock him off and cover gleefully for bloody murder, like Kenny Ortega and Randy Phillips, Travis Payne, Frank Dileo, and down the list for hundreds who must have known way more than us. They and the family definately look fake sad, smirkingly happy. And I left out thousands of hoax proofs like Liberian girl connotations of Michael being behind the camera in all this.

You mentioned that it seems Michael doesn't have the energy for dancing anymore. Just this second I remembered a Utube clip of Michael in the van surrounded by his usual crowd, and one camera guy said, Michael can you still dance. And this stuck in my brain, Michael said, "Why wouldn't I still be able to?" Like "Dah! The MC at 02 said when he hugged MJ that he felt ripped. I loved that! Investigations here have shown strongly that he was likely MJ and not a double. As for someone dancing Thriller in his place, you think it was because MJ was unable. I think rather it honored him. Another clip Michael is surrounded again and someone is doing his dance on the street and MJ is killing himself laughing saying how he loves how he was doing his dance and really getting into it with even crotch grabbing and the police clears him away.

MJ had plainly intended on only touring so long so many years and backing away from that to other "projects", even before allegations, and repeated his dreams to Geraldo in 2007. Yes I'm a diehard beLIEver, not just gut feelings but based on all that I have come to know about MJ. He is a consumate prankster, like Lou Ferrenger(?) saying he would put a dummy in an abulance as decoy to send the Paps in the opposite direction. Elvis wanted out of his situation to live peacefully, don't know whether he's alive or not and don't really care. But Michael is different, yes he wants peace and quiet, however he has a greater desire and that is that his life would be "the greatest show on earth", and he felt God had a special calling on his life that he needed to carry out for the children of the planet (and more).

Today as I was walking the dog and natually listening to my man's music I was feeling pain and thinking how can I get out of this--I'm like a moth coming to the flame, powerless to get away. My heart is so desiring more of him and I dread the pain of withdrawal if 2011, 2012 and nothing. I'm thinking I'm such a fool, wasting all my time on this. Then I happen upon this thread where hoax or not is being battled out. I totally understand both lines of reasoning. MJ is such a genius in giving just enough evidence to be 99% convinced but it's not completely provable/could be explained away possibly, and the media and people in charge of maintaining the hoax like family and friends are doing such a good job, that we question our own sanity for believing otherwise.

The media have managed to put such a loathing for anyone considering any news story to involve a conspiracy or an unofficial version that conflicts with the main one. Even yesterday when I mentioned about the twin towers being imploded to my son, he said, "Oh mum you've got to stop with all those conspiracy theories". It's our brains that are literally being attacked here. Up is really down, and yes is really no. As I was walking I was thinking about whether Michael would really want this, us believers just going crazy with doubt, crazy with desire for him, and the irony is when we still had him here I wasn't even interested in him. But now we can't have him and we want him so badly... We only have each other and the internet world of information, a hope and pain. Well there's my thoughts...sometimes I need encouragement myself, so I understand what some of you are going through. Some days I'm so thankful for the postings of other beLIEvers to bring me up from the dumps, so I hope this helps someone.

[2good2btrue]

I've had many crying days.  Mainly when I watch the family in public talking about his death.  And when I see all the fans fighting for Justice for MJ, and I think, "what was I thinking" I must be delusional or something.  The facts stare me in the face everyday, through the media and radio and tabloids.......but because he is no "ordinary" man, I feel if anyone can do this, he can.  I want to believe so much, that maybe I'm reading too much into everything.  People stutter all the time in interviews, especially if they have jet lag, or have done 4 shows in a row, like Jermaine Jackson in Australia.  I saw that live, and knew he was very tired as it was his 4th show in a row.  Maybe he was thinking, "I've got to catch my flight".  Who knows.  But I will keep believing because I can't accept that he has really gone.  As always with L.O.V.E  xox