THIS IS TOO MUCH!

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Offline dyanne

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THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 08:10:21 PM
I've had my ups and downs but the last week was the worst. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I cry, I don't feel like seeing anybody. I just want to be left alone in my world online. I feel he is alive and 5 minutes later I am sure he is dead. It really hurts...
What hurts the most is the not knowing. At this point I would rather see a picture with him in the coffin, or one from the autopsy.... just to get it over with, to mourn and make peace with it. The fact that I don't know is killing me AND i'M LOOSING HOPE FAST
I have to go away from all this, to clear my mind and hopefully to make peace with myself. I cannot take this anymore!!!! I have to put myself together

Stay safe guys
LOVE
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline O-drey-O

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 08:20:17 PM
Oh dear... so sorry to hear that... :(  I will not try to convince you. Whatever you decide, as long it helps you to feel better, do it :) The important is YOU and your sanity ...
If you want me to help you not to lose the faith, I will help without a problem of course :) But if you think it's better for you to step back ... then do it :) Apparently you need it. Don't get your health worse :)

Take care dyanne! I really hope that you will feel better soon :) I don't like seeing people in this situation ... ;)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
dd64300@hotmail.com


[size=110]"Lie run sprints, but the truth runs marathons"[/size]

Offline dyanne

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 08:43:27 PM
I usually cheer people up around here when I see they are upset... But this time it has got to me. I cannot bear the pain anymore. I want to believe e is ok. At this point I think I never want him to come back because at one point he would die and then i would go through all these again. I wish I had a tiny tiny sign that he is alive and ok and nothing more. I could take it from there.
There's no one I can talk to, cause everybody around me would think I've lost it. So I only talk to God and pray for his well being and for my sanity.
Thank you O-drey-O for your nice words...Hopefully I will feel better in a few days and come back with stronger believe. But at this point all I want to do is crawl in a corner and cry.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline MJ-Fan

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 08:47:00 PM
Aww hun, trust me you are not alone. I feel the same way. It's got to the point where I just wish I could see some sort of photo (even if it's upsetting) just so I can mourn because I've had so many ups and downs and when I think about him being gone it really hurts.
It does pass, trust me. You'll be fine. I'm feeling great right now just because I read a recap of all the things that don't add up. Believe me, the truth will come out one day. You just needa be strong. About a month ago I didn't want to see my friends, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep.. But then I thought, Michael wouldn't want this, dead or alive. Do what's best for you. If that means having a break from here, DO IT. Don't let this interrupt your life, just take time for you.
I think all I want is closure, but I'm not prepared to give up yet. MJ's the reason I came here and MJ's the reason I'm staying.
If you needa talk I'm here all the time. We're all a family on here so you know there are so many people to talk to! x
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

\'Stop Existing And Start Living\'
\'This Life Don\'t Last Forever .. Hold My Hand\'
I LOVE you Michael x


Offline O-drey-O

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 08:52:29 PM
Yes I completely understand .. It happened so many times to me too . I step back, and then I come back with a clearer mind. It's what i've kept doing for 5 months  :mrgreen:
It will help you for sure ...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
dd64300@hotmail.com


[size=110]"Lie run sprints, but the truth runs marathons"[/size]

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 09:29:02 PM
wow :(   You sound just like me.  I get those real high highs, then a complete drop to the bottom.  I so understand where you are coming from.  I do.  I am going to tell you what I have done which is the only thing that keeps me semi sane.  I have forgiven myself and I have forgiven Michael.  Myself, because I am human and selfish.  I WANT him to be alive.  Michael, because he is human, and my WANTS are not his problem.  So, I have made peace with two facts: 1.  that I don't have the last say in this and, 2) I will have to accept what ever the outcome will be.  It gives me hope believing that he is alive.  But I have prepared myself for the possibility that the news I first heard on 6/25/09 could possibly be the truth, and if so, then I will have to accept that.  But I have no regrets for being a believer.  It has prolonged my joy and given me time to accept and prepare for either outcome.  I still have those crying spells and times of total hopelessness, but I get through it.  It makes me feel better when I come here and know that I am not alone.  I know one day it will come to an end, I only hope it works out in our favor.  Until the trial or something tangible, I have to still believe that Michael is alive.  To give up now, I think would be doing myself a great dis service.  I cannot let the junk that they have shoved at me as evidence and official documents be taken at face value.  I've got to stick it out until the bitter end because Michael did.  I want Michael to know that I believe more in him than the tabloid junk.  And besides, I promised Michael when he asked will you be there, that only death could keep me from it.  So until I die or until the he does, which ever comes first, I've got to keep the promise. I've got to be there for the reveal, what ever that might turn out to be. It is rough.  It is depressing.  It is stressful. It is emotional and at times, it takes my breath away when a clue even a tiny little thing appears to be a possibility.   I might take a short sabbatical, but I will be back for sure.  Why do I go through all of these emotions?  It's Michael :roll:  and for Michael, I'll take the bumps and the bruises.  He is love.  It's all for love.  Take care of yourself.  Take some time away.  I truly understand.  But remember, we've got each other and we'll be right here waiting with open arms when you get back ;) Michael, I love you more.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline AnnieIsNotOK

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 09:52:19 PM
Dear dyanne,
                    I know how you feel,I have trouble sleeping sometimes too and I lost some weight(that's one good thing ;)  and I have to force myself to do things besides go to work and reading here!Sometimes I cry ,don't feel like seeing my friends 'cause I can't tell them about this...my daughter and my husband gets tired of my stories about Michael even if they thinks it's possible for the hoax...I have my sister at least,who adores Michael like me but sometimes I have such a bad day that I don't feel like talking about it,I feel so bizare inside,I can't explain...when I doubt and think he's really gone,I go crazy...I pray at night for the truth to come out ;) But you know what,in my heart,I feel that he is still with us(the Jackson family and that weird memorial and etc.. have help a little bit too :lol:  :lol: )
                                                Big hug to you ;)
                                                                          L.O.V.E
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »



Offline neverlandprincess

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 10:27:22 PM
Quote from: "dyanne"
I've had my ups and downs but the last week was the worst. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I cry, I don't feel like seeing anybody. I just want to be left alone in my world online. I feel he is alive and 5 minutes later I am sure he is dead. It really hurts...
What hurts the most is the not knowing. At this point I would rather see a picture with him in the coffin, or one from the autopsy.... just to get it over with, to mourn and make peace with it. The fact that I don't know is killing me AND i'M LOOSING HOPE FAST
I have to go away from all this, to clear my mind and hopefully to make peace with myself. I cannot take this anymore!!!! I have to put myself together

Stay safe guys
LOVE

Dyanne that sounds good...really it does. Sometimes it is better to stay away-I have done it for only a couple of days sometimes and it does help...because you can regroup and gat perspective that is not conflicted with everyone elses view points.
 Sad to say-I have bad days and seeing a picture in a coffin would not help me,because then I would go into a whole new stage of the real reason it happened...there are too amny inconsistencies for ALL of the story to be true...thats what I think...and so I would rather believe that he is alive then he was killed. Know what I mean? Sometimes I wish I had never started questioning the whole thing-I am much to rational and level headed to delve into this type of thing-and yet here I am .... So you take your time-because we need our sabaticals to save our own spirits. :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline MJ-Fan

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 10:59:35 PM
Neverlandprincess I could watch your sig pic over and over and never get bored. Is there a sweeter man on earth than Michael? How could anyone ever say he'd hurt a child.. :cry:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

\'Stop Existing And Start Living\'
\'This Life Don\'t Last Forever .. Hold My Hand\'
I LOVE you Michael x


Offline mjfull

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 05, 2009, 11:28:14 PM
Quote from: "dyanne"
I usually cheer people up around here when I see they are upset... But this time it has got to me. I cannot bear the pain anymore. I want to believe e is ok. At this point I think I never want him to come back because at one point he would die and then i would go through all these again. I wish I had a tiny tiny sign that he is alive and ok and nothing more. I could take it from there.
There's no one I can talk to, cause everybody around me would think I've lost it. So I only talk to God and pray for his well being and for my sanity.
Thank you O-drey-O for your nice words...Hopefully I will feel better in a few days and come back with stronger believe. But at this point all I want to do is crawl in a corner and cry.
...I feel exactly the same way! I also say to myself and everybody around me,  that I wish I had a tiny sign that he is alive, but I believe that we don't want signs anymore...We have SO many clues and signs that he has faked his death and YET we can't really believe it!
So, it seems to me that we got to a point where we need PROOF! We need to know FOR SURE that he is alive, to calm ourselves and go on with our lives...And I am afraid that can't be done, unless we SEE him alive! But (since Michael used to read the Bible) remember what Jesus said to Thomas : "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed."...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline neverlandprincess

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 06, 2009, 09:13:29 PM
Quote from: "MJ-Fan"
Neverlandprincess I could watch your sig pic over and over and never get bored. Is there a sweeter man on earth than Michael? How could anyone ever say he'd hurt a child.. :cry:

I know! I was so glad when it hit me that I could just go to the old board and grab it off my other profile! LOLLLL....I just dont get tired of seeing it! He was always the most gorgous when he was at that part of his concerts....
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline neverlandprincess

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Re: THIS IS TOO MUCH!

  • on: December 06, 2009, 09:15:40 PM
I realized yesterday that there is a "weird list" on the homepage of our board...read it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

 

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