Feeling really down... =(

[xxHoldMyHandxx]

Hey dears. I know I don't post much, but I really need to get this off my chest. =(

So over here in Australia TII came out yesterday. I got it straight away and took it home and watched it. I was fine... Ever since I discovered this may be a hoax I haven't really cried that much anymore. But anyway, I watched it 3 more times today. On the last time, I was watching Man in the Mirror and felt completely normal. But then it got to the part just before it does the "Michael Jackson King of Pop Love Lives Forever" thing, and suddenly I felt really, really sick to my stomach and just burst into tears. I didn't know why at first, but then the thought came to my head that that moment could be the last thing we ever see from Michael (sorry if that upsets anyone) and I haven't been able to stop crying for the last 8 hours. = I'm so scared that we'll never get him back again... and I know I'll have to start grieving all over again. It hurt so much the first time, I don't want to go through that again... Now I cannot even look at the movie again, I know I will be able to once I've calmed down but I tried to watch it again and the second he came on screen my chest started hurting and I cried even more. I'm really scared guys... Why did this happen so suddenly? =(

Thankyou so much if you have read this far. Sorry if that got a little boring, but I really needed to get it out somewhere. xx

L.O.V.E

[lovesquad]

oh dear... try to remember that what ever happend to MJ or where ever he is; he is much better than before... I believe that he is still here, but that might not help U much... Remember how he is able to touch hearts and souls, and that is WORLDWiDE..

Its ok to feel sad sometimes... we all do. But there are a lot of feelings around MJ, I personally think that it will turn out ok - weather he returns or not... (Im sure that his alive btw)

sorry for my bad english; regards from Copenhagen, Denmark...

[lilith]

I know that feeling. It comes and goes. It is so strange. Right now I'm scared, too. I did not watch the whole DVD since I purchased it last week. I watched the extras though and the one about "Memories of Michael" made me cringe again.

I know the evidences about Michael being alive and I do find them convincing, but still I think that maybe I'm searching for those evidences because I cannot handle the idea that Michael might be dead. Maybe my ability to judge is damaged because I don't want any evidence that Michael is NOT alive being convincing.

And yes, like you I will have to start mourning all over again, too - but I don't want to. When those thoughts enter me I go away and keep myself busy with other things. Right now I'm not able to think about Michael being dead - because those evidences that he is alive are too convincing. I caught in the middle and I cannot move.

The current situation is that I cannot be relaxed and confident about Michael being alive. But also I cannot do the mourning, which would be totally necessary for my mental health. I'm waiting and hoping.

[lilith]

How did you find out about the hoax? And how long were you grieving? I'm sorry if I'm too curious, but what you write sounds so much like myself.

*hugs*

[miss j]

all you have to do is open your heart and let the sunshine in. my feeling is also goes up and down, that one time, i refused to listen to anything michael anymore, especially his ballad songs because his voice really like a sharp knife tearing up my heart, and that the fact we might not be able to listen to his voice again or see him..but i just stand up and accept everything. this is life. it's about come and go, right or wrong...okay, i can't go on consoling you because i started to feel very sad, because i'm listening to his someone in the dark...i'm sorry........but you have to be strong....if michael could deal with all the madness throughout his life, why can't you? why can't we? open your heart, open your mind, open your eyes. what michael has went through were the most excruciating things than what we are going through now...we still have memories of him...cherish them....  *hugs*

[VeryLittleSusie]

I also couldn't watch it... I cried...  

[XspeechlessX]

How did you find out about the hoax? And how long were you grieving? I'm sorry if I'm too curious, but what you write sounds so much like myself.

*hugs*

And me..  :cry:

I was fine watching it the other day till it got to I Just Cant Stop Loving You.
Cried my bludy eyes out.
I think it was the ..."And if I stop.. then tell me just what will I do..."

Cause I really dont know what Im gona do if this is the end.

[xxHoldMyHandxx]

Thankyou everyone for your sweet replies =) they help me know I'm not alone in all of this. I truly appreciate it! =) Lots of love to you all <3

How did you find out about the hoax? And how long were you grieving? I'm sorry if I'm too curious, but what you write sounds so much like myself.

*hugs*

Hey =) I think I just found out about it while browsing through Youtube videos. In the related videos it came up "Is Michael Jackson really dead?" and I thought "Of course, silly." But I watched it and found it had some very interesting points =) I think I was grieving until about September, which is when I discovered this. Lots of love to you =) *hug*

[xxHoldMyHandxx]

all you have to do is open your heart and let the sunshine in. my feeling is also goes up and down, that one time, i refused to listen to anything michael anymore, especially his ballad songs because his voice really like a sharp knife tearing up my heart, and that the fact we might not be able to listen to his voice again or see him..but i just stand up and accept everything. this is life. it's about come and go, right or wrong...okay, i can't go on consoling you because i started to feel very sad, because i'm listening to his someone in the dark...i'm sorry........but you have to be strong....if michael could deal with all the madness throughout his life, why can't you? why can't we? open your heart, open your mind, open your eyes. what michael has went through were the most excruciating things than what we are going through now...we still have memories of him...cherish them....  *hugs*

This is a very nice reply. =) I really really love the ending. Thank you, you really did help me remember that I should be appreciative that I have such a nice life compared to what our lovely Michael went through and that even if we don't see him again, we are so lucky for having him for the time we did. Lots of love =) xx

[miss j]

all you have to do is open your heart and let the sunshine in. my feeling is also goes up and down, that one time, i refused to listen to anything michael anymore, especially his ballad songs because his voice really like a sharp knife tearing up my heart, and that the fact we might not be able to listen to his voice again or see him..but i just stand up and accept everything. this is life. it's about come and go, right or wrong...okay, i can't go on consoling you because i started to feel very sad, because i'm listening to his someone in the dark...i'm sorry........but you have to be strong....if michael could deal with all the madness throughout his life, why can't you? why can't we? open your heart, open your mind, open your eyes. what michael has went through were the most excruciating things than what we are going through now...we still have memories of him...cherish them....  *hugs*

This is a very nice reply. =) I really really love the ending. Thank you, you really did help me remember that I should be appreciative that I have such a nice life compared to what our lovely Michael went through and that even if we don't see him again, we are so lucky for having him for the time we did. Lots of love =) xx

you're welcome..we have a lot to learn from what has happened...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

I can't always listen to him either, it's okay.  It's like stabbing a wound and the worst feeling ever at times, and okay at others for me, it depends on the song.  Other times I could sit through sensitive songs and feel cold cause of being in denial, but other times it's bad.

[YoungNewMJFan]

I always get a strange feeling whenever I watch This is It...I feel like..wow..this was him before he died..was he actually happy..i just love how he loved music...it seemed like he was actually enjoying life...and then...he just died...and it brings tears to my eyes (whenever i'm alone) because i think...he won't ever see his children again..michael is dead...and then i come on here and there are so many things that say he isn't but i can't help this gut feeling every time i watch it...like he's gone and i can't get him back Man in the mirror is the song that makes me cry too..it is just so eye opening...and i'll watch the movie and when he is talking to the crew i'm just like "NO! The movie can't be over already! It's too soon!" Because I feel like that is the last i see of him...it feels just like his life..I feel like it was over too soon...like why can't i have enjoyed micahel's talent while he lived?? why can't he have lived longer??? and I could have gone to a concert or something?? I feel so bad that i just discovered michael when he passed away..and just became a fan when This is it came out...I'm only 14 but i feel like i missed out on so much....and just imagine all those feelings packed into man in the mirror...man it's hard...i don't even know what to think anymore...there is just this horrible feeling inside me he is gone but there is no ABSOLUTE UNDENIABLE proof he is..or that he is alive for that matter...the only thing that has been eye opening to me is the ambulance picture...why is there not a single one but there is video of a man taking pictures of the ambulance??? With all this controversy who cares if the pictures are horrible and you can't see anything just release them so we know there were some attempts at taking pictures....now all we have is a fake one...and the one thing making me think he is actually dead is the newest autopsy..it is just too real to me..but what do i know...i'm 14 i know nothing about autopsies..it's just..i don't know...i just needed to get that off my chest..i probably didn't make any sense right there and sorry i rambled...

[DancingTheDream]

You are grieiving, honey...  we all still are and we do it in different ways.

[mjfansince4]

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...


it's okay and normal to feel this way!!! you're not alone (i swear i'm not trying to make any more references to michael's songs!!). this whole thing is difficult. it's normal to doubt when we dont actually have concrete proof. we don't have him putting up a video saying, "hey guys...just kidding." we're here for you, ups and downs. keep the faith (okay i'm stopping). much love!!

[GreenManMakeAChange]

you are only 14? I feel so sad you feel this way, I'm pretty devastated at my age, but I would have been even more vulnerable at yours and I'm pretty bad right too cause I feel like my inner child is wounded by this if that makes any sense

I feel creeped out by this is it myself thinking it's his last days, I couldn't finish watching it after buying it.