Talk about an off-life!

  • 6 Replies
  • 416 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline GreenManMakeAChange

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 369
    • Show only replies by GreenManMakeAChange

Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 03, 2010, 03:16:37 AM
Did you ever feel like this was an off life and that michael jackson they talked about after he died, was not our michael, but michael jackson? Am I making sense ? Is anything making sense? For awhile he felt like a stranger to me, not all the time, just sometimes, other times I felt like I loved him more than ever and his spirit felt closer to me, but now I don't know what's real and what isn't.  I would see him after the death and be like, no, he can't be the dude I'm a diehard of, or I would see clips I've been watching for years on my tapes and be like HOLY SHIT HE DIED *sob* and not believe it, feeling like he is still here.  I would be like "he can't sing anymore? dance anymore?" and start crying.

It took a month for me to be so mad that I'm never going to see him when I came so close to it and was going to have my dream of all time come true.  In the beginning I was so upset for his family and relieved he was at peace and none of that mattered.  I couldn't listen to him or watch him i was in a daze and lightheaded and couldn't cry right away though I wanted to, I was paralyzed.  When I made myself watch sensitive clips, I started to cry sooo hard, but after 3-4 clips, I found myself acting soooo mean and didn't know where the hell it was coming from cause I didn't mean it.  I wanted to scream at the audience fans to shut up cause michael left them and just be mean to every fan, kid, woman etc. that met him cause I never got a turn, I always knew it was going to happen for me so I would be so happy for them all before.

I let my love and inspiration for michael out in my music and poetry and even shared some of it, but that suffocated me too cause i was digging too deep and it was too painful for me.

I was having weird reactions to everything too, and started to wonder if I even cared in the first place though I did.  I felt so scared that the love and magic died with him.  I wouldn't react right away to updates, I laughed at conrad like he's a comedian.  Then I had to slowly tell myself who he is, what he did, who he did it to, then the tears came and I threw things around and felt better after.   But maybe it was my gut telling me he's not real too, I don't know.  Sometimes I wouldn't feel the love though I knew I still loved him, I felt like it hurt too much to love him and wanted to move on but I can never do that, it's MICHAEL! I didn't understand casual fans who accepted it and don't want to know who did this to him if they really did, but yet I thought it was easier for them cause it was too emotional for me.  I felt crazy and still do.

KNow what too? I'm not over the allegations, I was in so much pain those years and cried so much over what they did to him and prayed so hard that he would be vindicated and got so  tired too in the end and backed away though I still believed in him.  I was so angry with all of people's insults playing in my head over and over again whenever I saw pics or watched things and remembered all that crap they did to him, like everything on replay and wanting it to shut up and go away.  I would cry so hard at anything.  It's so painful being a fan though I love him too much.

Sometimes I would read articles about how he died and think to myself "oh that dude" and then be reminded "that dude" is HIM and not be able to piece the two together and felt like my mind was playing tricks on me.  Or I would read them and feel like I'm reading about some other artist and realize who it is and go SHIT!! Yet not feel how bad it is.  With other shocking deaths, my stomach turned immediately, with this, I just felt like I went emotionally unconscious and became numb and paralyzed with the feeling slowly coming in, and I left home for hours though I would hear his name everywhere, I had to keep myself sane, I was making unrelated jokes and being giddy though I was also in a daze and shaky and felt that if I gave in to it, I would break something.  I was in shock and couldn't feel it, it was slowly processing.

I feel like everyone got shocked, mad, cried right away, I even said on facebook, RIP I accepted it and people were surprised, but I really didn't accept it though a part of me had cause we didn't know details yet, I was just in shock and didn't know WTF i was doing.  It's almost like it turned me mental or something and I got hurt the most cause I'm still grieving 8 months later crying almost everyday even if not all day.

You probably think I'm a newbie, I'm NOT! I've been around forever, I just feel like I  developed some weird personality that is distant from my true feelings to protect me from my pain.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Its her

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 1137
    • Show only replies by Its her

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 03, 2010, 11:37:02 PM
Quote from: "GreenManMakeAChange"
Did you ever feel like this was an off life and that michael jackson they talked about after he died, was not our michael, but michael jackson? Am I making sense ? Is anything making sense? For awhile he felt like a stranger to me, not all the time, just sometimes, other times I felt like I loved him more than ever and his spirit felt closer to me, but now I don't know what's real and what isn't.  I would see him after the death and be like, no, he can't be the dude I'm a diehard of, or I would see clips I've been watching for years on my tapes and be like HOLY SHIT HE DIED *sob* and not believe it, feeling like he is still here.  I would be like "he can't sing anymore? dance anymore?" and start crying.

It took a month for me to be so mad that I'm never going to see him when I came so close to it and was going to have my dream of all time come true.  In the beginning I was so upset for his family and relieved he was at peace and none of that mattered.  I couldn't listen to him or watch him i was in a daze and lightheaded and couldn't cry right away though I wanted to, I was paralyzed.  When I made myself watch sensitive clips, I started to cry sooo hard, but after 3-4 clips, I found myself acting soooo mean and didn't know where the hell it was coming from cause I didn't mean it.  I wanted to scream at the audience fans to shut up cause michael left them and just be mean to every fan, kid, woman etc. that met him cause I never got a turn, I always knew it was going to happen for me so I would be so happy for them all before.

I let my love and inspiration for michael out in my music and poetry and even shared some of it, but that suffocated me too cause i was digging too deep and it was too painful for me.

I was having weird reactions to everything too, and started to wonder if I even cared in the first place though I did.  I felt so scared that the love and magic died with him.  I wouldn't react right away to updates, I laughed at conrad like he's a comedian.  Then I had to slowly tell myself who he is, what he did, who he did it to, then the tears came and I threw things around and felt better after.   But maybe it was my gut telling me he's not real too, I don't know.  Sometimes I wouldn't feel the love though I knew I still loved him, I felt like it hurt too much to love him and wanted to move on but I can never do that, it's MICHAEL! I didn't understand casual fans who accepted it and don't want to know who did this to him if they really did, but yet I thought it was easier for them cause it was too emotional for me.  I felt crazy and still do.

KNow what too? I'm not over the allegations, I was in so much pain those years and cried so much over what they did to him and prayed so hard that he would be vindicated and got so  tired too in the end and backed away though I still believed in him.  I was so angry with all of people's insults playing in my head over and over again whenever I saw pics or watched things and remembered all that crap they did to him, like everything on replay and wanting it to shut up and go away.  I would cry so hard at anything.  It's so painful being a fan though I love him too much.

Sometimes I would read articles about how he died and think to myself "oh that dude" and then be reminded "that dude" is HIM and not be able to piece the two together and felt like my mind was playing tricks on me.  Or I would read them and feel like I'm reading about some other artist and realize who it is and go SHIT!! Yet not feel how bad it is.  With other shocking deaths, my stomach turned immediately, with this, I just felt like I went emotionally unconscious and became numb and paralyzed with the feeling slowly coming in, and I left home for hours though I would hear his name everywhere, I had to keep myself sane, I was making unrelated jokes and being giddy though I was also in a daze and shaky and felt that if I gave in to it, I would break something.  I was in shock and couldn't feel it, it was slowly processing.

I feel like everyone got shocked, mad, cried right away, I even said on facebook, RIP I accepted it and people were surprised, but I really didn't accept it though a part of me had cause we didn't know details yet, I was just in shock and didn't know WTF i was doing.  It's almost like it turned me mental or something and I got hurt the most cause I'm still grieving 8 months later crying almost everyday even if not all day.

You probably think I'm a newbie, I'm NOT! I've been around forever, I just feel like I  developed some weird personality that is distant from my true feelings to protect me from my pain.


Yes...There definitely IS some weirdness all about this entire experience, and it is amazingly hard being a fan of his, NOW... I KNOW he lives and breathes. but Everything else is so surreal and weirdly weird. I know what you mean about it being a different MJ than the one I fell for. It is unexplainable , right now, but there definitely are two of them in my life, now. Very very bizarre. of course, the second one is the one moving around now, behind the scenes. The one who is ALL mine is kind of frozen in time, in all my memories :D , just as if we actually had a history together ;) .

 I'll love that one until I can't any more, because I am dust.

It's like he morphed into some kind of collective IDEA, instead of a real man. The first one never made me cry. He makes me happy, STILL, everyday. I Love that guy. This one---I don't know HOW he does it---he better not be mixed up in all that Haarp stuff---but he's got me SO out of my comfort zone I want to pinch him. That true for you? Sheeesh. Michael, at least have the grace to get in my face while you do this to me, so I can shake you, silly. It's not fair to hide out, Dude.

I trust him. He's NOT trying to hurt us. But, dang! When someone in my physical life makes me cry, I get hugs and sweet words. I am ALONE, here, Baby. NOT FUN. Not fun at all---sometimes it is scary, and I have nightmares which I cannot recall details of. I am far grown---wth(heck :o ) is that?????? I've had to break out my teddy bear to keep watch while I sleep ALL alone.

I have slept on my open porch, all night, before, unafraid. Now I can't sleep inside with the doors locked. Pardon my angst, but GET TO the POINT, please, before I go as nuts as people around me are believing I am going.


Somebody, anybody.Help me out, here. I really must be like a cabbage or a white mouse, in the light of his superior intellect, because I do not SEE what he's trying to show us. It is maddening. I have a real 27/7/365 life which is suffering in the balance, because I can't let go of this "project"! I really need to get a REAL love life, if I am going to invest this much time on it, just for the perks  :) . :roll:  :roll:  :roll:  :lol:

Everytime I think I see, I guess I really don't.  :o  :?  :(  :x  :evil:

MJ. Please have mercy, and pretend I am 8.  :? Please please please?  UNCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: Let me up!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ONLY Believe...

Offline DancingTheDream

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 4923
    • Show only replies by DancingTheDream

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 03, 2010, 11:48:53 PM
I didnt react for ages.
I was in Ireland and in a bar when the news came in.   I didnt feel anything, it didnt feel real...   i only cried when i watched the memorial, but even then it hadnt sunk in what i was being told.

Even now i cannot watch old news clips from THAT day..  you know, when the news readers announce THAT news...  its too painful.

And im not a die hard fan...   i loved him when i was a kid.  I had the BAD cassette and his poster on my wall.  My mother couldnt understand why i liked him... she still cant.  :lol:   But then again she likes Cliff Richard, so what the hell does she know?  :D

I continued to listen to his music and wasnt put off with the bad press.  .. i always had a CD of MJs in my car....   i guess i carried the love in my heart and didnt realise how much i held for him until THAT day.

Its all normal, so dont beat yourself up over your emotions and reactions.  xxxx
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GreenManMakeAChange

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 369
    • Show only replies by GreenManMakeAChange

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 04, 2010, 07:09:27 AM
Yeah I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like it's two people.  I would look at him in July and August sometimes and feel like it's not the same one  I was in love with, hyper over, wanted to meet so badly, just a man, he even looked different to me and I've heard things about those who have passed on looking different, maybe that's what creeped me out.  But then it would hit me for a few seconds again that it's MY MICHAEL and I would burst into tears or punch pillows really hard at the thought of someone harming him and it was unbearable and then I would become numb again.  Wanted to cry all the way through so bad, but it wasn't coming out and I didn't know why.  But now I'm open to the fact it could be cause he didn't feel gone to me cause maybe he isn't.  Being in the middle has reduced my crying and depression over this and I feel like myself again.  I don't want him to come back so I  could feel better, I want to know he wasn't murdered.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GreenManMakeAChange

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 369
    • Show only replies by GreenManMakeAChange

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 08, 2010, 11:10:06 AM
I gave in and cried all day yesterday all over again
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Its her

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 1137
    • Show only replies by Its her

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 08, 2010, 01:59:19 PM
Please  :) try not to do this to yourself, GMMAC. You MAY just have one of those souls which requires a daily RINSE, like mine----- :roll:  :lol:  

I am not sad---I think I just get wearied from the "good fight of faith" and need to relieve some pressure.

There are many things to cry about on earth, because of the way things ARE, with NO visible change in sight, and laborers few or disorganized, but the crying over MJ SHOULD BE OVER. NONE of the sadistic LOSERS who tried to ruin him will ever be able to touch him again. The evil which they tried to annihilate him with is now eating them from the inside, alive. They have opened the doors of hell upon their own houses, and will be too busy to come after MJ again...

 He said he was doing "this"

 THIS HOAX

all for LOVE. The only thing I think qualifies worthy of "dying for", is the kids. He said this somewhere---it escapes memory now---but he said he would DIE for them. Well, he "did", and they are being assimilated into regular ---if you can call it that, Upper-class California, extended family life.  It happened rather suddenly, as if he really died, but he didn't. Please look at all the things which have been figured out, here, on this Hoax-site. 8-)  :)  There ARE mean people who trespass here to try to MAKE us feel bad , selfish, deceived, etc, but, IGNORE what slime drools from their putrid posts.

MJ said it was for love, so it must have been desperately necessary. He 's laid too much ground to NOT come back.

He's left himself a way back. The only thing is, that maybe all this down time will discourage him from wanting to come back.

You KNOW, don't you, that he's been VERY busy, behind the scenes of some major love, the last two months---perhaps, even before that---I wasn't LOOKING for his fingerprints then ALL over  :o stuff! But I am NOW!!!!!!!

Another thing it could be, why you are so sad, is that you may need to pray for somebody.  :) Pick ANYbody. Everyone could use the hand of God, or some sent angels in their life.  Especially MJ.(I'll send you both some!) Maybe he now needs GOD to tell him to get back out where we can see him.  He trusts God to give it to him straight...Maybe he found out he doesn't need the cheers or the jeers any more and just wants to be an overachiever who doesn't NEED to take credit any more.

He ALWAYS was ALL that and more, but he NEVER ever got it, I don't think, that he was wonderful without filling rooms with recognition tokens.

I am certain, that any one of his fans would have taken him snaggletoothed and b-naked (NOthing dirty inferred, HERE  :roll:  :!:  :oops: ) back to their lair, for some serious devotion and attention for EVER, whether he ever won public recognition for anything he did. We all KNOW what is INSIDE him, and we'll take it, thank you! AS IS, unembellished by gold and silver, ---just wrap 'im up!... :lol: [It's times like THESE that I really miss those little KISSes Smilies, darn!) X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X      
There, improvised! :P

Hey--- I got him under my skin---and I'm not crying about it. Cheer up and then go cheer someone else up. As I see it there are about a billion and a half fans, STILL thinking he's gone...Maybe this hoax didn't spread like the wildfire they (his team)  thought, and now he thinks there's no hurry to come back. Maybe he didn't realize how sad, and how long everyone would stay DOWN from a major HIT like that! Everyone doesn't just get up and keep going, like MJJ :roll:  !

All I really know for sure, is that as long as he thinks he MAY like to come back, he will be peppering his brand into the media. Someone will bring him or his family NAME up in the news every other day or so! So, keep your eyes PEELED---NOT crying!! :lol:  :lol:  ;)

Michael was NOT murdered. He is very much alive. Didn't you stay for the END of TII????????? He's flaunting his TOOTSIES and giggling his face off, hiding from us.   8-)  THAT JOKER IS NOT DEAD---BUT HE IS GOING TO GET PINCHED, if I get near him while I am thinking about it.  ;)  :lol:  :lol:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ONLY Believe...

Offline GreenManMakeAChange

  • *
  • Hoaxer
  • Posts: 369
    • Show only replies by GreenManMakeAChange

Re: Talk about an off-life!

  • on: March 08, 2010, 06:02:15 PM
That's interesting you say I'm crying for something else or someone else.  I'm beginning to realize I'm in a state of melancholy and missing my past memories of enjoying michael peacefully without all the societal noises and worries, cause too much has happened since.  I'm still crying for him, but I think I'm crying for my own being and how I've lost myself for years as well.  I had so many issues but used him as a distraction and soundtrack to it all, and grew too emotionally attached when he was in trouble and I never fully recovered from it, knowing he never did either.

I'm going to try to learn to pray again, I gave up on praying though I still believe in God.  I should pray for those who need it most.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
12 Replies
852 Views
Last post December 04, 2009, 03:58:40 PM
by MJLover1990
9 Replies
587 Views
Last post December 10, 2009, 11:17:43 AM
by mjgirl86
2 Replies
659 Views
Last post December 10, 2009, 08:11:30 PM
by Lorrie
0 Replies
288 Views
Last post December 30, 2009, 02:38:20 PM
by Shamone Jackson
9 Replies
519 Views
Last post March 25, 2010, 10:42:26 AM
by eviltwin

SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal