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Now that I opened this page to writte you something, I am just speechless since 10 minutes, writting, erasing, writting again...don't know where to start.It's so difficult to find words to tell about 17 years of hopes. Hope to help you, hope to meet you, hope to make you happy. There are so many movies in my head in whitch I was rescuing you from media and from the world...I wish I was a super heroe, but I'm just a girl, to shy to dare come to see you, to shy to go to a concert, and now I'm a woman, considering how stupid she's been and finally trying to say how she feels. I still don't know what to think of all this. Why, how, for how long, when... so much questions are waiting for truth to come. But who cares about ways and means ? who cares about causes and consequences... The only one that matters is you. The only things I hope is that you actually escaped from this, choosin the best for yourself. I hope you now realise that people never stopped loving you, I hope you are now free from media and from this public/business life destroying all your secret gardens and strangling your creativity. I hope you found your own and brand new Giving Tree to climb, and that you can now have new flowers that are born in the garden that hides your soul. I hope you lighted a new little star in your eyes and forgot about sadness. I hope you are caring for yourself, and loving yourself. I wish I was a little mouse, spying to find the truth out of all this.I know it seems egoistic but I hope all this happens to you cause it would only mean one thing to me : a little girl's dream can sometime come true. And knowing that wishing upon a star can make a dream come true, would be my best hope for this world where i'm now staying without you.Sorry for bad english, and stupid thoughts, I was just trying to fight myself to tell you for once, something that sounds like "I l*** you"
Thank you for those words. They sound so true to me. I know exactly how you feel. But I must say I've been growing old since those "desperate" days, and now I just tell myself "life is too short to live in "dreams"" I mean at this time of my life, I've been so "controled" during my childhood and begining of my life. I was not allowed to go out playing with friends, not allowed to have boyfriend, and after that I lived 3 years of my life with a totally jalouse guy, considering me as an object he possessed. Not allowed to make my own choice, not allowed even to see my friends (again...)So now I've broken those chains, I know that if I learn Michael's alive, I would surely go straight to him, tell him how I feel because there are so many things i've missed in my live... I mean I would surely feel completely stupid, and he would surely totally don't care, but I don't consider him as a superstar in the "unreachable" way. I mean I know now what's important in life, and it's surely not money or being famous, or things like that. I think I'm now free enough to consider people has they deserve. I've lost so muc time, I just want to focus on important things about life.You see in my animal rescuing business, I saw one day a guy, famous soccer player, worldly known who came to me to abandon his daughter's rats (without telling her) He came at home, left the 2 rats and then went to the school to take his little 8 years old girl, and tell her she would never see her animal's again. I just couldn't bare it and I sent an email to them, talking to the little girl about her rats, so she understood what happened and where the rats were. I don't even know if she was allowed to read it.After that, everybody wanted to know what happened with this guy, did he gave money for organisation, did he said something, how was he looking like, did I asked for autograph to sell on Ebay...and the only thing I wanted to answer, and that I actually answered was : "you know it's just another a**hole that abandonned his daoughter's animal without telling her. I didn't ask or autograph cause anyway, i don't like soccer ! what was the point to ask him for autograph ? I don't like this guy..." For me he was not a famous soccer player who deserved RESPECT, he was just a man, no good father and no good pet owner. This really showed me that money and popularity doesn't make people better...So I just consider people has they are, in their deep heart. That's what interest me. I mean if I ever had the chance to meet Michael and that I realised he was not the guy he pretended to be, I guess all his popularity would not buy my love. I would run away. I just feel he is definitly what he wanted to show us. Loving and caring. That's the one I want to see, nothing else. I like what people have inside, not what they try to show.That's why I would have like to meet him ; just to see what's inside, without all we can see around him. Because you can have no more money, you can not be famous anymore, but you can not change who you are.
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