I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

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Offline WhiteNight

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I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 24, 2010, 01:05:20 AM
I hope no one kills me on here...lol

But I feel that I must be honest with all of my brothers and sisters on here.

I was not a fan before the 25th…. I would like to share with you a post that I made back in August 23 2009 on MJFC so that you all can get an idea as to how this has affected me.

>>>>>

First off I would like to let people know that I was not a Michael Jackson fan prior to his death. But let me tell you. I’m really hurting right now. And it is because of this that I post this. I feel like I am not worthy to even say anything here but I think I just have to because if I don’t, I feel like I’m going to burst.

To say the least, I am so heartbroken...I can't even begin to explain the depth of sorrow I feel right now. I never had a chance to meet him and I think about him every waking moment. I cry everyday and I'm crying now. I cry because this world is not the same without him and I feel that I have missed out.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that I was a total fan like so many are saying now. I knew of his existence and I thought that he was quite attractive and had great music but that's about it. I was raised as a very conservative Christian so I was not even allowed to watch his (or any other) videos/music. All things secular were considered sinful. I remember my brother and I used to sneak into the living room in the middle of the night to watch MTV. Of all the videos we would see through the years, I only remember Michael's.

Things have changed a lot since then but I’m sure most of you guys will agree that news about Michael has been really negative these past years. But I blame myself for not giving Michael the time of day. You guys have no idea how low this makes me feel. I feel like I have missed the train…If that makes any sense.

Even so, I never thought for one moment that he was guilty and I remember waking up in the middle of the night during his trial. I felt so sad and he was the first person that came to my mind. I began to pray for him and I asked God to protect him and keep him strong and I cried for a long time. My eyes were very puffy the next morning. It’s really strange though. I am not at all into popular media and I try to stay away from it. I’m into anime and the like so I pay more attention to what’s going on in Japan rather than here in the US. But I have come to discover that my interests have changed drastically since Michael’s passing. I feel so inadequate compared to all of you guys.

One thing is for certain in my case. I have realized that in his passing I feel as if I lost a brother. I am now a big fan of his. Maybe some will disagree. I can't help but feel like a big hypocrite. I regret, with every fiber of my being, not keeping up with him and supporting him fully in everything that he did. I am now discovering how beautiful he really was. I’m not sure what’s worse in experiencing his passing: Being a loyal fan like many of you or being someone as inadequate as myself…Someone who failed to appreciate his beauty and love while he was living.

I only find comfort in knowing that he had people that really cared for him and loved him in life. He deserved that and much more and I feel very VERY guilty for not being there for him. I'm finding it very difficult to type this because I can't stop crying.

On the day of his memorial I was very down and out. I was so sad that I had to lie down. I felt crippled with sadness and I wept for about 45 minutes. My cats were *****ing out because they have never seen me so sad. At that time I could not understand how it could affect me in such a way. I didn't know very much about him and I did not even own anything related to Michael Jackson. I was not a fan before his death.

I know I may not meet anyone who can relate here… But I hope I do though.

But please know this. Michael’s love and divinity must have been so great for someone like me to be affected in such a way.

I just wish I could talk to someone …. I feel so alone.
 
>>>>>

I have been a believer since November 7th 2009. On that day, I attended an MJ tribute show and there was some thing in it that just totally freaked me out. Here is how it all happened:

There was a clip taken from the 1993 Grammy Awards when Janet presented MJ with the Grammy Legend Award. The following is a transcript of what Michael said in the clip >>

“The last few weeks, I have been cleansing myself and it’s been a rebirth for myself… Like a cleansing spirit… I love you too….”

I thought to myself “The show was meant to be a tribute that embraced the beautiful legacy of a fallen American Icon and Legend.” And I then asked myself, “Why on earth would that clip be included when there are so many other clips that would have been more appropriate for the occasion?”

It was a short clip but it spoke volumes to me and at that moment, I began to entertain the possibility of Michael hiding away somewhere to get away for a while.

There were a couple of people that yelled really loud after the clip played and I, along with many others, was really confused as to why. Now it makes a bit more sense to me. I think that they may have been believers.  

Then I could not help but think that he may have had a part in choosing the content for that particular show. I began to think even more about how it was on the 7th of November. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence. The number 7 is very special to Michael and it signifies perfection in the biblical sense. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it.

Well anyway, I thought that I should say hello to everyone and share my experiences. I really enjoy it here. ^_^
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

mykidsmum

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 24, 2010, 01:20:20 AM
I' ve read your post about the tribute concert before.  All I have to say is... that is what art is all about and that is what MJ wanted.  He wanted his music to live forever, just like the great artists he remembered and loved.  Is a fan of Monet or Van Gogh not a fan because they are dead?  No, the essence of who they were live beyond their time here on earth.  Isn't it better to have loved than to never have loved at all?  If MJ has no new fans after his death, how are we going to pass his music on to the generations and keep it alive?  You are one of the best and you are like a lot of us, you take some things in life for granted, we all do that with some aspect of our lives, and it took the disappearance of it for you to realize and appreciate it.  You are not the only one.  The greatness of an artist only becomes greater in their passing and in their legacy.  This is how art speaks to future generations.  Sit back, put on your favorite MJ sounds and enjoy!  And welcome to the Bandwagon!  The train left a long time ago....
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline KacyLovesMJ

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 24, 2010, 03:33:52 AM
I was really moved by your post but I just want to tell you that it doesn't matter to us, or Michael, when you started becoming a fan of his. There is no need at all to feel so down on yourself because you didn't get into him until after June 25th. There are several people out there that this is the case for them and I strongly believe that Michael loves you guys just as much as he loves his "long time fans". Keep that in your heart hun, because Michael is about love and he loves you, me and everyone here and across the globe. And like it was mentioned above, it doesn't matter if you become a fan of something after that person's "death"/death, because it's those that will keep the legacy of that person alive for generations. I have been a long time fan of Michael's (since I was a child, I'm 30 now) and it just puts a smile on my face and warms my heart to see more people getting into him. He's gonna need that. He's gonna need people like you that are just now becoming fans. He's gonna need all the love and support he can get when he returns (I strongly believe he'll be back). Keep the faith hun. This road does get bumpy and there will be times that you doubt your own sanity but when that happens, just think about all the things that just do not add up. Come on the forum and read stuff or watch some hoax videos. This is what I have to do when I have those "doubtful days" and my faith is restored. :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline IBelieveInMiracles

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 24, 2010, 05:56:37 AM
Wow. Your post sums up exactly what I went through. I only became a fan after the 25th but I did know about Michael's existance and enjoyed his music. I grew up when people only spoke bad about Michael so I suppose that influenced the way I thought about him. I also cried for weeks and weeks after hearing about his "death" before finding this site.

So it's nothing to be ashamed off only becoming a fan very recently. Michael is probably just glad that all his fans are coming together. So keep the faith. The best is yet to come. :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 24, 2010, 11:43:19 AM
That is why we were created with the ability to change our minds and our hearts.  Welcome to the family.  You are not alone.  Millions have had a change of heart.  And all is good. It is never too late to love.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline alovesmichael

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 25, 2010, 07:16:28 AM
@WhiteNight

Your post just made me cry, call me sensitive, but it's beautiful. I'm so happy more and more people are starting  to see the beauty of Michael but it saddens me that you'd feel so bad about yourself for being a "new fan". Please don't feel bad about loving. It's things like your post that can brighten up my day, so you're spreading love which is the whole point  ;)

Don't be too hard on yourself! Lots of love
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline I Believe in LOVE

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 25, 2010, 11:45:12 AM
Hello All...I just became a new member very early this morning and I woke up after a few hours sleep and came straight to this website.  The first thing I find is all the new posts in Introduce Yourself.  Your post really hit my heart hard because this is exactly what I have been going through.  I never paid too much attention to Michael, his music or any details about his life.  It just was not an interest of mine at the time. BUT, when I heard he died, I became very emotional (why?) and I cried on 06-25-09 and could not get enough info about him.  At first, I thought he had died and then after a couple of days, I felt in my heart he was somehow still with us?  I have lost both of my children on different dates, so I am no stranger to death and how you feel, etc.  I could NOT stop thinking that Michael was still alive and could not get enough info about him.  I watched all the BS on TV, read about him on the internet, etc.  I just could not quench this "thirst" I had for Michael.   I could not think or talk about anything else.  I would go to bed thinking about him and get up thinking about him and I have spent complete days on my PC trying to find out everything and listen to his music.  I can honestly say now that I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON...I do not know why this has effected me this way.  I LOVE and BELIEVE in his music and his MESSAGE.  Since 06-25-09, I have grieved for this man as if he were my own flesh and blood, but not because I thought he was dead, but because to me, he is an ANGEL sent from God and he was almost destroyed by his fellowman.  I truly believe from my heart that Michael is highly annointed by God and has been sent to us to help us find the truth and it is simple L.O.V.E.  I have believed this myself for years.  I am in awe that I found this MAN and his MESSAGE or he found me and I thank God for him everyday now that my mind and heart has been opened. I hope none of you think this is just someone rambling because, I just cannot describe how this man has influence me.  Thanks for listening...Blessings and LOVE to ALL.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline alovesmichael

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 25, 2010, 06:20:50 PM
Quote from: "I Believe in LOVE"
Hello All...I just became a new member very early this morning and I woke up after a few hours sleep and came straight to this website.  The first thing I find is all the new posts in Introduce Yourself.  Your post really hit my heart hard because this is exactly what I have been going through.  I never paid too much attention to Michael, his music or any details about his life.  It just was not an interest of mine at the time. BUT, when I heard he died, I became very emotional (why?) and I cried on 06-25-09 and could not get enough info about him.  At first, I thought he had died and then after a couple of days, I felt in my heart he was somehow still with us?  I have lost both of my children on different dates, so I am no stranger to death and how you feel, etc.  I could NOT stop thinking that Michael was still alive and could not get enough info about him.  I watched all the BS on TV, read about him on the internet, etc.  I just could not quench this "thirst" I had for Michael.   I could not think or talk about anything else.  I would go to bed thinking about him and get up thinking about him and I have spent complete days on my PC trying to find out everything and listen to his music.  I can honestly say now that I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON...I do not know why this has effected me this way.  I LOVE and BELIEVE in his music and his MESSAGE.  Since 06-25-09, I have grieved for this man as if he were my own flesh and blood, but not because I thought he was dead, but because to me, he is an ANGEL sent from God and he was almost destroyed by his fellowman.  I truly believe from my heart that Michael is highly annointed by God and has been sent to us to help us find the truth and it is simple L.O.V.E.  I have believed this myself for years.  I am in awe that I found this MAN and his MESSAGE or he found me and I thank God for him everyday now that my mind and heart has been opened. I hope none of you think this is just someone rambling because, I just cannot describe how this man has influence me.  Thanks for listening...Blessings and LOVE to ALL.

Welcome I Believe in LOVE!

God, you guys have stop making me cry all the time, lol! You're making me all emotional but I guess this is the effect Michael has on people once they decide to not just open their eyes but also their hearts. I've been a fan of Michael almost my whole life and I experienced the exact same feelings like you did when I heard about his "death". However, it took me 3 months to even start mourning which can seem quite strange... But I just didn't want to believe it and pushed the horrible thoughts away and avoided watching the news. Then one day the pain just hit me and I couldn't stop crying and thinking about Michael for weeks. I started reading and watching everything I could about him which has now lead me here  ;)

As Michael sings: "Come together, right now Over Me", I guess this is what we're doing  :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline WhiteNight

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Re: I'm a new fan and beLIEver... *hides*

  • on: January 26, 2010, 11:47:01 PM
Oh wow! Thank you so much guys! ;_; I love you all.

I have to tell you that saying "I love you' use to be very difficult for me...Michael changed that in me. I don't take anything for granted anymore.

I truly feel that he is one God's chosen. I know that he is truly anointed by the Lord to give the world a message.

This may sound crazy and blasphemous to some but I just have this feeling that he is actually the Archangel Michael, who is said to be the commander of God's army...the army of L.O.V.E.


Quote from: "I Believe in LOVE"
Hello All...I just became a new member very early this morning and I woke up after a few hours sleep and came straight to this website.  The first thing I find is all the new posts in Introduce Yourself.  Your post really hit my heart hard because this is exactly what I have been going through.  I never paid too much attention to Michael, his music or any details about his life.  It just was not an interest of mine at the time. BUT, when I heard he died, I became very emotional (why?) and I cried on 06-25-09 and could not get enough info about him.  At first, I thought he had died and then after a couple of days, I felt in my heart he was somehow still with us?  I have lost both of my children on different dates, so I am no stranger to death and how you feel, etc.  I could NOT stop thinking that Michael was still alive and could not get enough info about him.  I watched all the BS on TV, read about him on the internet, etc.  I just could not quench this "thirst" I had for Michael.   I could not think or talk about anything else.  I would go to bed thinking about him and get up thinking about him and I have spent complete days on my PC trying to find out everything and listen to his music.  I can honestly say now that I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON...I do not know why this has effected me this way.  I LOVE and BELIEVE in his music and his MESSAGE.  Since 06-25-09, I have grieved for this man as if he were my own flesh and blood, but not because I thought he was dead, but because to me, he is an ANGEL sent from God and he was almost destroyed by his fellowman.  I truly believe from my heart that Michael is highly annointed by God and has been sent to us to help us find the truth and it is simple L.O.V.E.  I have believed this myself for years.  I am in awe that I found this MAN and his MESSAGE or he found me and I thank God for him everyday now that my mind and heart has been opened. I hope none of you think this is just someone rambling because, I just cannot describe how this man has influence me.  Thanks for listening...Blessings and LOVE to ALL.

I totally feel you....I cried when I read your post because our feelings are the same. This has affected me in so many ways I can't even wrap my mind around it.

Every morning I would wake up with a song of his that was not of my choosing in my mind. I would go to bed and I would stay up staring at the ceiling thinking only about him. And I would cry myself to sleep.

Every night he would come to me in my dreams and would dance on the black reflective corridors of my mind. With every step he would take, sparkles would fly from his feet, and warm light would radiate from his silhouette. As he danced, he would just smile ever so beautifully. And as he would turn, it was as if his clothing and hair were suspended in a matrix. Time would stand still and I never wanted to wake up. But when I did, sadness would always find its place within me. It still does sometimes. I still cry even though I beLIEve.

But it gives me comfort to know that there are those who I can relate to.

I must say though...On June 25th 2009, someone pulled the carpet from under my feet and I fell flat on my face and I have not been the same since. But I must say that I don't plan on turning back.

This is a divine call and I will abide.

I send love to all of you.

~alma~
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

 

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