I am tired of this and DONE!

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Offline mjj4ever777

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Re: I am tired of this and DONE!

  • on: January 02, 2013, 04:50:50 PM
One of my few posts but felt the need to add my little bit.

I have followed TS and Front with "interest" rather than belief and enjoyed most of what they have had to say.  I'm not religious so all posts that followed that route didn't really mean a great deal to me, nor did I read them fully but I do appreciate people have their beliefs and I fully respect that.  If I had to say I have a belief in anything I would say it is love and a lot of the times when people talk about God, Jesus etc. I substitute the name for the word love, and more times than not it fits perfectly - for me anyway  :icon_e_smile:

I truly don't know whether I believe Michael is dead or alive (sorry  :icon_e_sad: ) but I have been here pretty much from the beginning (on the old forum first) and something or someone led me here.  There were so many strange things about THAT day which made me doubt it had really happened the way described, or at all.  These days I do wonder if I am making things fit (hoax clues) simply because I would like to believe them.   Will we ever really know what happened, what the truth is and whether or not he really is with us?  I don't know but I will continue to watch because I find it fascinating and the way you guys put your brains to use simply blows me away - amazing   :smiley_abuv:

Personally, I am glad to see the back of 2012 - it was cr*p for me.  My darling mum, who I visited and stayed with for a week in April, suddenly became very ill and passed away on 6th June.  I moved away from the UK in 2008 so it was not as easy to be with her but I did go back and forth and spent alot of time with her before she passed.  I have a huge cloud over me though because I left her, on her own, in that horrible hospital bed, 4 days before she died.  She was insistent that I came "home" because "your husband needs you" and it was the start of our busiest time of the year.  I will never, ever, ever forget the look on her face as I walked away and turned back about 4 times to see her watching me leave and waving with a smile, despite how ill she was.  She was amazing to the end but how I wish I had stayed with her.  My husband keeps telling me that she wouldn't have wanted anyone watching her fade away but I wish I had gone with my gut instinct and not left her on her own.

The only consolation I have about that day is that my youngest daughter went to visit her and seeing how ill she was, told my mum "it's time you went to Granddad, he has been without you for a long time now.  Sleep tight Grandma, I love you loads".  Half an hour after she left, my mum died and I do wonder if she was just waiting for someone to tell her she could let go.  She was 86 so had had a good life but it doesn't make it any easier does it  :icon_e_sad:

My youngest daughter (same one) had a dreadful start to the year with things I won't go into here but has come through it and announced just after my mum died that her and her long-term partner were expecting a baby next year.  I was lucky enough to be back in the UK when she went for her first scan and went with her and guess what - TWINS  :icon_e_surprised: :icon_e_surprised: :icon_e_surprised:  I think my mum may well be looking down on us and has sent us all something very positive to focus on - she would hate us all being so unhappy.

I'm so sorry for this long, drawn out post - I was only going to say a few bits and pieces  :icon_redface:

Anyway, I think what I am trying to say is that although I miss MJ very much (and I'm the same age) I hope, wherever he is, he is happy and healthy.  Life can change in an instant and this past year has really taught me what matters in life - the people you love.  Cherish them whilst they/you are here.

Much love to all and a Very Happy New Year  :beerchug:

Dearest Sue...first let me give you a great big  :bearhug: !

Your post brought tears to my eyes, but please know that your mom may be gone "physically", but she is still watching over you, and she will be with you all to share in those "special" moments, and she will be there when your daughter gives birth!! I know that some may have trouble believing that spirit is all around us, but it is true!!
Please don't feel guilty for not being there when your mom passed, I am sure that she doesn't want you to EVER, EVER, feel guilty for that, so please, let go of any guilt you may feel, as you have absolutely no reason to feel that way!

never be sorry for sharing your feelings with us, as it is a Blessing, not a burden!! Loss is always hard, but you have a lot to look forward to with the birth of your grandbabies! If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me ok?

I send you so much LOVE and many Blessings, and I will keep you and your family in my Prayers! Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us!!

Happy New Year to you dear sister!!