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I couldn't manage hardly any words yesterday.....a few here and there.  Like three years ago, I was held speechless by the events of the day.  I was completely focused on Michael, I remember it well.  I was still in the land of disbelief, yet a fairly unsettled notion was stirring within me.  The memorial was a production of a calculated worth.  I thought it was odd the venue was Staples Center for some reason.  The thought of seeing Michael on that stage was frightening to me at best.  We had glimpses by then, of his final concert rehearsals.  Only to be replaced by words of tribute and remembrance days later.  It was unreal, surreal, and dreamlike, July 7, 2009.  I sat on our somewhat new couch, with the proverbial box of crying tissues....one box wasn't enough.  As I sat there, all the emotions of June 25th hit me again....only stronger for some reason.  Perhaps it was real, perhaps I was just a wishful thinker for something else......something stirred in me. 
By the end of the program, I was utterly depressed and in full grief.  Something I still don't quite understand.  The crush of my heart was back, the feeling of a bright light being extinguished haunted me for weeks.  All of these feelings for someone I didn't know, yet felt heartsick for.  I didn't understand July 7th, anymore than June 25th, except that it felt even more personal. 
I was ripped apart.....I was completely torn...............

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV1XWJN3nJo[/youtube]

Three years later, I am here with you all...stronger, wiser and completely content that I will be lit up with Michael's gladness.....in his time, with his ways. 
The light will shine again.
Blessings Always
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I cried, went to a dentist appointment in the middle of the memorial, cried there, got hugged by strangers, went back home, cried.

Today was rough. I went to see fireworks, but I couldn't keep the memorial off my mind. As much as I believe Michael's alive, the pictures of the casket, and his family's emotions always break my heart...
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أملي هو فيكم.

*

curls

Gosh, it's weird recalling those early days!  Like many of you have expressed, I knew deep down something was, not exactly 'wrong', but 'odd' from the O2 announcement, through the cancelation of those first concerts, through to what I remarked at the time was a highly convenient 'death'. But I was not used to listening to my gut feelings in those days, and went along with the story as presented, with a kind of 'detachment', not exactly disbelief, but like I put it all on hold.

Come the memorial (which I always thought were held some time after funerals) and I wasn't going to watch it, I thought I ought to feel sad, but didn't particularly feel anything other than that strange detachment, if that makes sense! Anyhow, I turned on late, out of curiosity, cried with Paris, then rang my son to see if he'd watched it. He hadn't, but I remember telling him 'it was weird, like a show', without recognising the truth in my words! His response to that, was that it was the Jacksons, that's what they know how to do (and I know he didn't, and still doesn't, recognise the truth in his words!)

Also odd for me at this time was the way nothing seemed to be happening with the police and the doctor, or at least nothing was being reported - I felt it should/would have been all over the news - it was Michael Jackson's death, possible murder, for heaven's sake.  And then of course, he wasn't buried for over two months, but all we got to see of the event was some pre-ceremony footage 'released by the Jackson's'. Come on!

But still I hadn't made that leap into entertaining the idea that he wasn't dead at all! I was slow, but in my defense, I did have a lot on my plate with a family thing at the time, so I really didn't give it all too much thought.

It wasn't until Feb/Mar 2010 when I had more time and suddenly I couldn't get enough of all things MJ, that I started noticing 'MJ Alive' vids on Youtube, and this new idea didn't seem strange at all, in fact it seemed immediately to explain everything that I'd hitherto found odd. In a very short time thinking he was dead seemed strange, alive made so much more sense. The rest, as they say, is HIStory!
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When I heard that Michael Jackson was going to do 50 shows, I thought, "No, that would be too much for him"

One morning, I was in bed asleep when my dad came in and said "Michael Jackson is dead". Now, I wasn't really a Michael Jackson fan, but I was shocked and it felt like the world had a hole punctured in overnight. I went out of bed still in my nightie and saw the news report.
In Australia, it was night when they were showing the big ceremony and I didn't watch most of it because I was watching a movie (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I think) but did watch snippets of it. I started to wondering why the casket was closed.
I did see the Paris speech which was heartbreaking, however she did sound...ummmmm...a little fake but thought nothing about it.

When I'm looking at Youtube videos of the funeral, and memorial, it looked like some event that was going to be hosted by Michael himself. Everything about them was strange.

It feels like Michael Jackson can reappear at anytime.

L.O.V.E and respect

Josie xxoo


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My whole family thinks I'm crazy for believing that Michael Jackson faked his death  v__v


L.O.V.E and respect to all

*

LUNA

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I can only remember I sat on my own and watched it from start to finish with a big box of tissues



the same 4 me.... i've cried so much! especially at the end,when i heard my favourite mj's song,"man in the mirror" and i thought that all was over,4ever. there was a stage,the light,the microphone.... and mike was (?) in a coffin,even if i felt something "strange" (....):i was not able 2 believe he was in it and i think that many of us thought the same,i don't know y,but my idea was:"mike is not in that coffin";and,i remember,every moment,every minute,i hoped that mike could jump off it!

*LUNA*

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MAKEthatCHANGE.....
[http]]

*

everlastinglove_MJ

The first days after Michael's death and during the memorial I was sad and full of disbelief, but after a while I noticed too many controversial news reports and mystery around his death

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which made me think like "hmmm..." :suspect: Reports like the elephant march (You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login) , 11 elephants and 7 horses to the Staples Center on the day of the memorial was too much of a show, too soon after MJ's death, which was reason enough for me to start questioning. I am so glad that I found this forum after a year because there weren't any beLIEvers around me here (which is still the case btw).

L.O.V.E.
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It's all for L.O.V.E.

 :bearhug: Your responses rang so sincere and many are the same emotions I felt though out the service. What I remember during that time is I was wondering what Joe was going to do, what group he’d be promoting.  I was angry that it took so much time for them to finally memoralize Michael and then completely startled that even then, he still was not about to be buried  :icon_eek:  I was like  :WTF:  I remember putting my name in the hat and waiting anxiously to hear if I’d “won” a ticket and thought it very odd that there was a lottery of sorts being held for tickets to a “funeral” .  I still have my rejection email saved on my computer.  I so much wanted to see the faces of the crowd, but that didn’t happen as I can recall, because the people arriving seemed to me to be going to a concert more so than a funeral.  I remember crying and crying and crying so I am sure there is much I missed.  When Usher went down to that casket singing Gone Too Soon I thought I was going to be leaving here right along with Michael, and at that time, I felt I was ready.  I was totally devastated I will admit, but a few days later when I went to ebay and saw all those programs and tickets and wrist bands up for grabs for astronomical prices I was like  :icon_question: :icon_e_confused: Who would not cherish these things?  And then I started getting angry.  And then I begin to have this creepy feeling again that this was an illusion.  No one would continue to keep their dead child out of the ground, the crypt or the incinerator this long.  Something ain’t right.  My mind as if a button turned on, went straight back to that picture of Michael being loaded into that helicopter as flat as a board and I started telling myself, girl don’t be no fool keep watching, looking, searching, and I did.  It was too unsettling.  It didn’t feel “over”.  That’s when I happened on Dove & The Awakening blog where we remained for 7 weeks. Loved it.  :icon_cool: I was now totally hooked into the belief that Michael Jackson is not dead, but why the drama? I needed answers.  My search continued to find others who felt as strongly.  I got cursed out for even mentioning that maybe Michael wasn’t dead on many sites.  Not the ones  :icon_lol: Keep searching.  And I  did and voila here I came and here I have remained.  It has been a journey and it continues to be.  But in the beginning, I totally lost my mind.  I have a copy of the memorial services which I plan to watch today.  I have had it for almost 2 years and this will be my first time actually watching it since the telecast.  This time though, I’m watching it with popcorn  :beerchug:
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"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

*

sweetsunsetwithMJ

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  • Michael I am looking forward to your BAM!!
Kenny Ortega's speech is the one that made me think hmmmm... because he was happy instead of being sad.
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I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE!!

I was a little under whelmed at Ortega’s testimony in the Conrad Murray trial to say the least... :ghsdf:
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"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

*

emulik

I was crying so hard and can not do anything, felt so empty, lost...I am happy that I found this amazing site 3 years ago  :icon_bounce:  :bearhug:
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"Please do not forget who the driver is! ...:)

MJ will get us home safely! :)

 

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