Where Ever I go You are There

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Offline 50th_State_Believer2

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Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 12:00:40 AM
It is almost..The 3 year mark.
Who would have thought - that it would feel like this.
As though just yesterday, you left us.

Yes, I've been responsible for my life, my family, my place on this earth.
But between the moments, the days, the months, the years ~~ you pop back in like a Post It Note...reminding me of something that feels the same no matter how much time has gone by.

Sometimes friends and family say something funny about you.
As though the mention of your name - won't sting like it always does.
I laugh with them, as though in fond memory of your existence...
But they don't know ~~ the wound never healed.

On the radio in the car..."I Want You Back" plays as though celebrating something upbeat and happy.
How ironic, I think...the words that you sing - are words that we all feel..."I want you back''...
I manage a smile - because we all need to be grown ups. And we all have to pretend we have survived...and have grown out of the pain and misery - as the world of normalcy expects us to.

Oh sure - life is good. I am blessed. I can't take things for granted. Thank God.
Yes I know those things are important - and we need to keep going forward.

But for every forward step I take..
Michael - it's like a Moon Walk emoticon...that moves yet never gets anywhere...
Sometimes I selfishly wonder - was it a good thing that God gave us you?
Because it sure feels like eternal drowning...some sort of twisted punishment - that we don't have you anymore.

Sometimes I choke up and swallow tears that I can't show in public.
Must go on...must keep moving...I tell myself. We need to grow from this...I tell myself.
There is a real world out there...come on...I tell myself.

But Michael, the real world is cold. It feels alien. It feels like a rehearsed performance...no impromptu show of emotions.
I would rather linger in the energy that comes...from being lost within 4 walls...speakers...video...of you...your music...THAT..is my real world.  Your hushed giggles..your shy glances at the floor...a snap - a smooth kick - a gentle twist of your head...orchestrated like a Michelangelo on the ceiling...

So I'll let you go for now...once again...as I've done so many billion times in the recent past.

I'll pretend that you're coming back. Because in reality, I have no way of making all the proof - actually live to it's word.
But hey Mickey - it's all ok.
I've been there before. I've bruised my soul and clenched my teeth and swallowed my tears.
I can do it another time again and again.

I'll just breathe in...and out...get up yet another morning.
And when I hear your song..or see you in something that to others - might be totally irrelevant to you - I'll drench myself in your awesomeness.  Because there is no other awesomeness...and the drowning part...in your awesomeness...is like...the BEST cure all...
again
and
again....Where ever I go ~~ You are there.

Offline emulik

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 10:24:06 AM
Very nice words, I like what you wrote  :)
"Please do not forget who the driver is! ...:)

MJ will get us home safely! :)

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 08:31:37 PM
50th you know I love you  :bearhug:  You always seem to bring a little sunshine after the rain.  That was beautiful and I hope you’re not leaving.  But if you do, peace be with you.  When the last hoorah is shouted, I know your voice will be there amongst the faithful cheering all the way.
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline marumjj

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 08:55:40 PM
50th_State_Believer2 that nice what you have written, are words familiar to every one of us, we often have that feeling of not reaching nowhere and catches us sadness.
It happens when I think of Michael with a big smile and say, Michael and I deserve it!
You might not be so in the dark, remember all the evidence we've seen so far, is there before our eyes.
Stay strong, the best is yet to come and hopefully with a big smile on her beautiful face.

 :bearhug:

« Last Edit: April 14, 2012, 09:02:34 PM by marumjj »

Offline TheGame

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 09:18:55 PM
50thState,
wow!!! such deeply moving, heartfelt words. your post moved me to tears.
I hear you, I hear you…seems like only yesterday, in some ways. in other ways.. shit, seems like an eternity.

you say "they don't know the wound never healed".
I feel you. difficult to paint a smile on your face and act as if "you're one of them," a nonbeliever who mourned the death of MJ, made peace with it, got over it, healed, and moved on. Friends and family say something funny in memory of MJ…we laugh externally, our laughter sounding hollow to our own ears, while crying inside.
yes,yes I know.

you said "pretend we have survived"…
But do we? Do we have to pretend? why? Why do we have to feel afraid about what people will think or if they think we're nuts because we're believers. I don't care. Let them think what they want. We KNOW the truth. I don't think we have to "pretend" for their benefit…in fact - I think we, us, the believers, the knowers are the REAL warriors. We are the ones who have to live with this knowledge every day… waiting waiting waiting. very painful. Sometimes I wish I was a nonbeliever and didn't know what I know. would make things a lot easier and a hell of a lot less complicated.

BUT,..
I am thankful I'm a believer. I'm thankful that MJ somehow incorporated just enough to let us know.. he's coming back.

as you said, "the show must go on".. you are right, and it IS going on (his show), I have faith in him. I feel your words and I know your faith is strong too. We all have moments of doubt and uncertainties but I just wanted to let you know your words were so beautiful and so true.

You are not alone.

much love to you,
Sebastian

Offline angelbabe1

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 10:45:38 PM
   50th State   Great, Great words    from the heart...many I have felt and thought myself.   Its all for    L.O.V.E  :bearhug:

Offline 50th_State_Believer2

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 14, 2012, 11:55:09 PM
I love you ALL...and I just want to give you ALL a BIG GROUP HUG!!!
Thanks for telling me that you know exactly what those words meant...your arms of compassion and empathy are what helps keep me up and standing...
Another day comes..We stand...we wipe away a tear and take a deep breath...and so the marching army of love follows...the master mind of genius...of awesomeness...of musical excellence...the leader of the message...

We love you Michael. As though we never can say it enough!

Offline lettingitsimmer

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 15, 2012, 12:24:07 AM
I love you ALL...and I just want to give you ALL a BIG GROUP HUG!!!
Thanks for telling me that you know exactly what those words meant...your arms of compassion and empathy are what helps keep me up and standing...
Another day comes..We stand...we wipe away a tear and take a deep breath...and so the marching army of love follows...the master mind of genius...of awesomeness...of musical excellence...the leader of the message...

We love you Michael. As though we never can say it enough!

Lovely! L.O.V.E. x   :compute:

Offline 50th_State_Believer2

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 15, 2012, 02:41:53 AM
@He'souttamylife:
Hey - I will be here...I'm not leaving...I DID leave once before about a year after he "died".
But I realized, I had cut out a part of me - and it didn't feel too good either way. SO I decided to come back. Hence my "2" at the end of my username. lol..

Even if I find out in the future - something that totally convinces me that Michael is truly in heaven - I think I would still need to be somewhere like here on the forum to connect...to express...and to continue my admiration for our hero.

Offline pikachu

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 15, 2012, 06:03:11 AM
I was at the party last night, there was a famous old japanese dj, but I was tired
and wanted to go home already, but after the dj-set he was summoned for an encore
and started playing a quite unexpected very creative rock'n'rollish mashup,
crazy covers of famous tracks like 'we will rock you' and stuff like that.
at some point, when one coolest track was almost finished, there was just a beat,
but it was such a beat that I said turning to my friend I came with,
'Well, dude, give us Billie Jean now!", because I thought it'd be really appropriate
at this moment. And at the same 'momment' the old japanese da masta turns on Billie Jean.
My friend stared at me like 'whaaaat?', but I just jumped for joy! It was the best of joy,
and -- for the thousandth time -- I have thought exactly this,

where ever I go, you are there.
.................................................................
will YOU still care? will YOU be there??.. ah, well, sure... life is not a song...

Offline sweetsunsetwithMJ

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Re: Where Ever I go You are There

  • on: April 15, 2012, 08:28:55 AM
@50th... Nobody better than you can describe what I feel about Michael, I feel lonely because I can't say anybody what I am feeling inside I can only come here and express my feeling that nobody knows except myself, I hide in my own world I have created, a world where only Michael exists, everything reminds me Michael since June 25th 2009 I listen his name in everywhere: radio, TV, internet, people.... Michael is more alive than ever, I have learned about the real man how deep is his heart, how many pains has been through, from now Michael I consider myself a soldier of your army of LOVE, a worrier to fight against anything can hurt you, I would like to spent some time with you and become a little child to play pillow battles with you, to swim and play with water together, to enjoy in a fun park with you, to sit dawn in front the ocean and watch the best sunset always with you , although you are the best entertainer ever, the best singer and dancer right now I am only focusing in Michael "the man" and I am everyday giving Thanks to God for having this wonderful opportunity, God bless you Michael !!!    :moonwalk_:
« Last Edit: April 15, 2012, 09:30:16 AM by sweetsunsetwithMJ »
I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE!!

 

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