Tell Me What to Do

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Offline 50th_State_Believer2

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Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 12:53:25 AM
If you were to ask - I would say that life is good, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I can't cut loose from these strings that tie me to thoughts of you.
If you were to ask - I would say that I'm ok, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I revisit the thought of you, every single day of my life.
If you were to ask - I would say that I believe you are somewhere, waiting for just the right moment...to resurface.  Other than the fact, that sadness is what really lingers between all the smiles and hopes that aren't very good at covering up..what I really feel.
If you were to ask, Michael - I would say that the only reason why I try to believe you are not gone forever, is because I can't blow out that candle - it's the last flicker of something great....something no words can describe...no other being can similate...
But if I were to ask you something...a favor, Michael...just one - it would be this: Tell Me What to Do...because nothing is working...I am floating between two worlds...one that believes...and one that doesn't...and I just can't seem to put both feet in just one place.   It hurts to believe you are gone...but just the same - it hurts more to believe you are out there - because the world needs you back...doing what you always did so well...the best...you weren't meant to be behind the camera, Michael...no matter what others may say you have a talent for...
So tell me what to do - when I can't see you but have to believe you are there.  It is hell...Tell Me What to Do.

Offline skyways

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 01:59:02 AM
OH MY GOD!!
Your words is MAJESTIC @50-State and just speak to the core of my Soul!.....

Im speachless....

God Bless You! ...

Offline empyreal

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 02:09:50 AM
I really felt that. I feel your pain, too. It's really hard to be stuck in the middle. I wish I could help : ( I love you, things will get better.

Truth will prevail = time.

Offline lilwendy

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 03:25:48 AM
@50th_State_Believer2 That was absolutely amazing... straight from the heart!

Like @empyreal said, I felt that too!  To the core!

Thank you for sharing your deepest emotions.

Offline lettingitsimmer

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 04:05:09 AM
If you were to ask - I would say that life is good, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I can't cut loose from these strings that tie me to thoughts of you.
If you were to ask - I would say that I'm ok, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I revisit the thought of you, every single day of my life.
If you were to ask - I would say that I believe you are somewhere, waiting for just the right moment...to resurface.  Other than the fact, that sadness is what really lingers between all the smiles and hopes that aren't very good at covering up..what I really feel.
If you were to ask, Michael - I would say that the only reason why I try to believe you are not gone forever, is because I can't blow out that candle - it's the last flicker of something great....something no words can describe...no other being can similate...
But if I were to ask you something...a favor, Michael...just one - it would be this: Tell Me What to Do...because nothing is working...I am floating between two worlds...one that believes...and one that doesn't...and I just can't seem to put both feet in just one place.   It hurts to believe you are gone...but just the same - it hurts more to believe you are out there - because the world needs you back...doing what you always did so well...the best...you weren't meant to be behind the camera, Michael...no matter what others may say you have a talent for...
So tell me what to do - when I can't see you but have to believe you are there.  It is hell...Tell Me What to Do.



If you were to ask - I would say that life is good, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I can't cut loose from these strings that tie me to thoughts of you.
If you were to ask - I would say that I'm ok, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I revisit the thought of you, every single day of my life.
If you were to ask - I would say that I believe you are somewhere, waiting for just the right moment...to resurface.  Other than the fact, that sadness is what really lingers between all the smiles and hopes that aren't very good at covering up..what I really feel.
If you were to ask, Michael - I would say that the only reason why I try to believe you are not gone forever, is because I can't blow out that candle - it's the last flicker of something great....something no words can describe...no other being can similate...
But if I were to ask you something...a favor, Michael...just one - it would be this: Tell Me What to Do...because nothing is working...I am floating between two worlds...one that believes...and one that doesn't...and I just can't seem to put both feet in just one place.   It hurts to believe you are gone...but just the same - it hurts more to believe you are out there - because the world needs you back...doing what you always did so well...the best...you weren't meant to be behind the camera, Michael...no matter what others may say you have a talent for...
So tell me what to do - when I can't see you but have to believe you are there.  It is hell...Tell Me What to Do.




Thank you for this powerful and soul-felt piece, 50th_State_Believer2.. you express beautifully what we all have probably felt at some time or another as we try to understand the "stories" , the misdirections, the things that don't add up , and the mystery, in our eyes, as to what we really feel about what has, or has not, happened to Michael.." you are not alone".. that is so true..  we can support each other and show L.O.V.E. for each other , as we wade through the  deep and mysterious waters we have landed in, by choice.. the Light is always at the end of the tunnel.. Stay strong, and positive. I do not have the answers ,  but it is said that helping others who need it, whether just a smile or a hug, or some other tangible way in their everyday lives, even though our own hearts are wounded, can mend our hearts  as well as theirs.. when L.O.V.E. is shared,Joy is created! Michael would approve, yes? Best of Joy to you. x

Offline 2good2btrue

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 07:01:09 AM
You have a talent and I believed every word of that.....I could feel it coming  right from your heart.......Well done and god bless .......You are not alone.. /bravo/ /bravo/

Offline GINAFELICIA

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: February 21, 2012, 07:19:13 AM
OMG that was so beautiful .... maybe you should ask Michael to tell us all what to do....I am also "floating' between 2 worlds

Offline 50th_State_Believer2

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 12:07:30 AM
Thanks to all of you, every one of you, whether you posted a reply or not. I have tears swelling up in my eyes at the moment, just to know that I am not crazy, I am not alone...Spiritually we are connected. Sometimes I feel like screaming from my soul and just reaching out my hand and grabbing a hold of Michael and pulling him back into our presence. It's like drowning in water and trying so hard to get up there and gasp for air. Listening to his songs are a mixture of pleasure and pain...my heart jumps with joy at the beats...at his little bits and pieces of "MJ sounds" only he can make in between his lyrics...and yet the pleasure soon turns to this twisting yanking feeling, heavy in my heart and I can FEEL the weight taking me down. My eyes water up again, whether I am at home or in the car..and I just say to myself..."Michael...it's easier said than done...to say that as long as you're happy, we are." To swear by that would be a lie for me at least. I'm not happy - even if he might be happy. Because I am selfish when it comes to something so valuable - something so great - something so irreplaceable...Sorry for the selfishness. But I am being honest. Michael - we struggle to breathe without you... look at the world - look at all the websites...every day, every minute, every hour and every second - we are searching for something to give us peace. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't. But the definite common denominator Michael, is YOU. God forgive me for my selfishness...but how can one NOT be selfish when we have lost the purity of the air we breathe? We choke...and we fall, and we get up again, but only to repeat this mad cycle again and again.
Love is an understatement - but that is all we can give to you...come back Michael. You know you can make it again. If you never had a one true friend, a best friend, someone who would be there for you even if you weren't that miracle on stage - the soulful love that the entire world has for you - that would make up for it Michael. Because you KNOW we are true to you.


Offline Do

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 08:58:50 AM
/I don't know what to say.......again.......
This is what I'm feeling....what we all are feeling...I guess....
It's driving me so crazy sometimes....wishing that all of this doesn't matter to me anymore, that I don't care anymore......

But I can't....Because I do care....because it does matter, because we love him so much.....and because we want him back, so badly......

You are not alone in this.....he must know what we are feeling for him. If he is out there, it must be hard for him to see some of us suffering.....what are his plans.....come on Michael, what are you waiting for? We will be there, just as you asked us to be, and we are still holding your hand, what more can we give? We can't keep on guessing what your goals are with this hoax, you have to help us too. We wil stand by you, you know that. Please, it's becoming harder each day.....we need you, I need you! Having you around is so comforting....I just feel so lost.....

50th state believer, thank you for your beautiful words each time.....I can feel your soul in it.....and it makes me want to release my feelings too. Sometimes, we just have to....

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind."
Bertrand Russel

Offline applehead250609

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 03:09:13 PM
Thanks to all of you, every one of you, whether you posted a reply or not. I have tears swelling up in my eyes at the moment, just to know that I am not crazy, I am not alone...Spiritually we are connected. Sometimes I feel like screaming from my soul and just reaching out my hand and grabbing a hold of Michael and pulling him back into our presence. It's like drowning in water and trying so hard to get up there and gasp for air. Listening to his songs are a mixture of pleasure and pain...my heart jumps with joy at the beats...at his little bits and pieces of "MJ sounds" only he can make in between his lyrics...and yet the pleasure soon turns to this twisting yanking feeling, heavy in my heart and I can FEEL the weight taking me down. My eyes water up again, whether I am at home or in the car..and I just say to myself..."Michael...it's easier said than done...to say that as long as you're happy, we are." To swear by that would be a lie for me at least. I'm not happy - even if he might be happy. Because I am selfish when it comes to something so valuable - something so great - something so irreplaceable...Sorry for the selfishness. But I am being honest. Michael - we struggle to breathe without you... look at the world - look at all the websites...every day, every minute, every hour and every second - we are searching for something to give us peace. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't. But the definite common denominator Michael, is YOU. God forgive me for my selfishness...but how can one NOT be selfish when we have lost the purity of the air we breathe? We choke...and we fall, and we get up again, but only to repeat this mad cycle again and again.
Love is an understatement - but that is all we can give to you...come back Michael. You know you can make it again. If you never had a one true friend, a best friend, someone who would be there for you even if you weren't that miracle on stage - the soulful love that the entire world has for you - that would make up for it Michael. Because you KNOW we are true to you.

Thank you very much for this wonderful post of yours and because somehow I "see" myself in what you wrote down........it's time for CONFFESION  typing/ .Just like Do said I really wish that "all of this" doesn't matter to me anymore, that I don't care anymore.....and everytime that I say to myself that this is gonna be the last day or the last hour......something happens and a invisible hand turns me back......here  albino/ .Since 2009 I keep telling myself  that maybe this is not real,maybe my mind is playing games.......maybe I should just STOP.
Like many people here ,I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has done a little investigation on the internet about how THE REST of the World was/ is feeling about Michael's "passing".What I found out ,is that I was not the only one who felt something strange  and alot of sadness too  :( .Yesterday and the day before during a research,I found something that I want to show you all and that I never had read before.I found another conffesions and "symptoms" of people ,who just like us felt someTHING special after 2009.50th_State_Believer2 please know that you are not crazy and you are not alone in this.I will post some comments starting 2009 and at the end some of this year.


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solomon says:
Initial post: Sep 6, 2009 12:21:21 PM PDT
During the first few weeks, I watched old J5 clips on youtube. And played his videos over and over after work. I got the ultimate collection and some J5 stuff. I cannot go a day without listening to some J5 or MJ. At first is was all I listened to. Now I can listen to some Maxwell or grownup R&B music. And I can watch the news every now and then. I was not a TV person at all. After his death, I didn't watch TV for about 2 weeks. I got tired of all the negative media lynching they did and continue to do. I watch his Bucharest video and Number ones about once a week. How much do you ladies and gents out there watch or listen to MJ? (good questionBTW  geek/ )
God bless u all!

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Inspirational One says:
Posted on Sep 6, 2009 7:42:17 PM PDT
My children and I had to make a promise. No more MJ ALL day EVERY day. LOL!  ( :lol:  lolol/ )We had to realize that it's okay to play his music AND alternate with other artist's CD's. After MJ's death I began playing his CD's so much that my children became addicted. They played it from early morning TO early morning (i.e. 9A to 3A). Yeah,it was that bad. It's gotten to the point that my children refer to the music on the radio as "garbage". My sixteen year old specifically said, "What's wrong with the artists today! Don't they know how to make good music". So for now we alternate MJ, Smokie R., Etta James, Chaka Khan, Billie Holiday, Prince, and Donnie H. But believe me, MJ gets the most play!
And the bad thing is, that doesn't include watching youtube, and reading past interviews and articles on MJ. :0/

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Jean Holland says:
Posted on Sep 6, 2009 9:46:41 PM PDT
His songs play in my head many times during the day. For awhile, it was constant, even when i was sleeping ( :shock:  lolol/ ). Like I was trying to process it, or, just that the music was so powerful, the melodies so powerful, they would not go out of consciousness.

Now, I notice his music being played everywhere I go. Again, it is less constant than right after he died, but, it is daily. Everywhere. This man is deeply in our collective consciousness, and unconscious. Because he was so gifted, and so profound, and such an intensely loving and compassionate presence in the world.
Everyone feels it. Hate cannot stand up to it. So I am really happy about this legacy!
Michael, we love and miss you.

You really should read this because personally I was like  :shock:  WTF?? !!!!!

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Paulie says:
Posted on Sep 12, 2009 9:00:23 PM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 12, 2009 9:03:07 PM PDT
My sister says I need an intervention  ( :mrgreen:  lolol/ ). I actually starting watching the news for the first time of my life when he died. So it would be CNN, then I would switch over to any entertainment show. Then before bed, I would check out Larry King Live to see if he had anything going on. I also look for any tribute stuff on TV. I re-watched the Jackson 5 movie.

People were complaining it was too much coverage. For me, it wasn't enough coverage  ( OMG!  lolol/  :lol:). I don't care if its negative or positive as long as it is about him. I've placed every library book they had on hold. Read several books already. Reading one now slowly because I don't want it to end ( :shock:  :lol: ). Buy any magazine that has his picture on the cover. Hit Barnes and Noble a couple of times to read all their stuff for free.

I watch every Youtube video. This starts from the time I come home until its time for bed. I listen to only his music in the car. Have only recently started to listen to other music on my nano but on shuffle so his will rotate the most often. I bought speakers so I can play his music from my nano all day at work. I now know what addiction is ( :shock: :shock: ). I have to have at least one fix per day. I have Netflix so it's been MJ weekend every week for the past 5 weeks. This weekend its the Bucharest Dangerous video and Japan Bad video (I hate when I have to send them back). I'm also watching a really stupid movie right this very minute but only because he has a couple of cameos in it (you can see his parts on clips on Youtube - he's secret agent MJ in it). For one 24 hour period (when I actually listened to some other music), I thought I was over it, but apparently not.

In between all of this I generally blubber every time I hear about some record he broke or some charity he gave to or see an old clip of him looking so sweet and innocent (and knowing what's in store for him). I Google his name every now and then just see if there is a tidbit ANY tidbit. Rolling Stone magazine has a one hour audio interview on line about him, which I'm saving for later in case I run out of stuff. BET had an all day weekend special last week. I also visit TMZ and Perez Hilton about once a week to see if I can find anything. I don't let anyone else know, but god forbid you mention him because I will start rattling on about him until you have to slap me. I always wanted a hobby I guess this is it...for now.

Yesterday, I was wondering if there was a secret fanatic society or possibly some AA group I could join ( afraid/  :shock:  lolol/  )where I could confess and there would be other's like me. What I don't get is why I'm I doing this? Why are other people doing stuff like this? It's nuts. I've been sad when another celebrity died, but nothing like this. After about a week, you forget all about it. Nuts I say...nuts! I see a future where dealers are standing on some seedy street corner going Michael Jackson (OMG  OMG! this is the first time I hear this ideea  afraid/ :shock:)....got some Michael Jackson...need some Micheal Jackson?...and sunken cheeked, scrawny Michael Jackson fanatics are furtively gettin' their fixes on .

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Cynthia L says:
Posted on Sep 12, 2009 9:34:04 PM PDT
Paulie-
My interest in Michael Jackson started after his death. If you find the name of that support group, let me know. I do understand how you feel though, maybe it's because we were late to notice his genius. Of course I knew who he was and a liked the songs I knew about, but I had no idea of the scope of his talent. When he was performed something special happened. Is was like magic came through him and touched the audience. It's just so sad that and profound to realize that he will never write another song, that we will never hear him sing new material. It is a great loss not just for his fans, but for the world

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nikki98 says:
Posted on Sep 13, 2009 5:32:47 AM PDT
Paulie - LOL - my husband says I need an intervention! ( lolol/ )

I thought I was in serious trouble in the beginning because I couldn't stop peeking on YouTube at work during the middle of the day, but I have managed to break that habit. But outside of work, it is ALL MJ at any opportunity. I never watched ET, Hollywood 411, LKL but now have to check daily for any coverage on MJ. Good or bad, I agree, just so I can see video clips of him or hear his voice. I follow as much as I can on these boards so I can find the links to everything people share. I've purchased all of his music, Bucharest DVD, 4 books, almost all of the commerative mags, watched BET all weekend for his birthday. I already have recruited friends/family to see This Is It.

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Mari says:
Posted on Sep 13, 2009 7:18:21 AM PDT
haha well... I've been on the MJ pill (  :shock:  :shock: talking about red pill-blue pill  :lol: )everyday since his death. His CDs haven't left my car, where I am alot traveling. The kids say they are tired of hearing about MJ so I've been trying to temper my conversation regarding him. So I just come on here and talk about him instead. They may say they are tired of hearing about MJ but they all have him on their ipods so they are hypocrites. I already told them they are going with me to the concert movie in Oct. I am trying to wean myself off of MJ little by little; I'm trying to complete a play (I'm a writer) and MJ seems to be while inspiring, hindering my thought process.

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Ale says:
Posted on Sep 14, 2009 2:35:00 AM PDT
Last edited by the author on Sep 14, 2009 3:08:30 AM PDT
guys.. totally on the same note here.

Michael and Michael only every single day - except when i go out and i am 'forced' to listen to other stuff as well - however fortunately, since the 'MJ mania', many of the bars/clubs etc have his songs in the playlist! and i have some friends who feel about the same way as i do and went as far as calling me home at 2 a.m. (happened this Saturday) from a club to scream in my ear:' Can you hear it?? can you hear it??  ( :shock: at 2 a.m  OMG! )it's <They don't care about us>!! you should be here!!!!".... what a nice feeling that gave me.

Anyway, yes, i can be my own observer in saying that, me too, i am on the verge of obsession with Michael - but GOD, how can you not be?? once you *really* listen, once you *really* watch him - it's impossible not to get hooked!  ( :shock: lolol/ ) and i agree with you, it's not just a 'celeb passing', this could have at most get me sad for a couple of days - this has impacted my life in a huge way, i can't really explain it. And it's not merely an impression - i;ve gone through different stages, but revolving around the same thing - i really really care about Michael, i love him so much it hurts, i tell myself to move on as many have - but the tears just won't stop (  :( ). And seeing tributes for him as the one last night - doesn't help. But i can't do without them either.

Anyway, to get back on track - i have bought almost all of his albums and dvd's, plus tons and tons of magazines (even from the holidays i was in, from Ibiza to PAris - no news stand remained unsearched) and i must say that I am proud yall have the Bucharest DVD - because i'm fom Bucharest and it just fills my heart that his amazing performance here was captured for a world to see. I was too young in '92, but i went to his concert in '96 when he came back here - i was 11. And nothing could replace the emotions i felt that day - everything was just magic. He was just magic. And still is. I even watched a colleague of mine - seemingly 'tough' - getting hooked, as he begged me to land him my cd's and dvd's - ALL of them - to copy them, striving to get some original dvd ripping program so that he could copy them - and he made it. I didn't mind - as long as i'm spreading MJ's legacy, i'm real glad. ( he even wanted to scan the covers)

Bottom line, yes, Michael's voice is all over my mind, my consciousness playing his songs day and night; he's all in my system - but you know what, i don't want it any other way. His music, talent, beauty, genius, kindness, smile, his voice, his strong messages and even his natural, unaffected way of being - are all basically self-sufficient and everything the world has to know. A bit extremely said, but I truly believe it.

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nikki98 says:
Posted on Sep 15, 2009 5:54:14 PM PDT
Michael's voice has become my drug. As soon as I turn my car on his voice floats through the air from whichever CD is in at the time. I can't listen to any other music. I feel him in my soul through his music. It is so complex, as he is so complex, and Rob you are RIGHT, his music, his voice, his dance, his spirit comes from an enchanted place. What a glimpse of heaven his whole being is.... (   :) WOW so beautiful said )

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S. Wilder says:
Posted on Sep 15, 2009 6:02:10 PM PDT
Daily. I am learning all about a man that I missed before because I was so busy with raising children and forging a career.

...
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J Blue says:
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 8, 2012 5:50:43 AM PST
Last edited by the author on Feb 8, 2012 5:52:14 AM PST
Funny how there is some connection every day. Even if I dont put in a CD an MJ song will come on the radio, or I'll walk into a store and something is playing or a kid is trying to robot or moonwalk, or I'll pas a car and someone else has him on blast. Of course most MJ related books are on my Kindle which I do open each day, and his TII poster is on the wall in my office so I do see his face everyday I guess. Come to think of it there is a framed pencil sketch of him in my home office as well, and my son seems to be playing him every morning beginning when he wakes up at 5:30 until he leaves for the school bus at 7:00. Boy MJ has really become an integrated part of my life. I hadnt' even noticed how much so. What used to be a constant, intentional, sometimes painful, magnetic draw to all things MJ has developed into a mellow but consistent, recognizable but subconscious soundtrack.

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coffeegirl says:
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 25, 2012 7:18:07 AM PST
I think about Michael Jackson every day; I learned so more about him after June 25th. I listen to his music, love to see photos of him, smile when I see a photo of him smiling. Every day I need Michael in my life; a song, a photo, a short film, a news article, a dance routine, thoughts of his children or Katherine, a special thought.
Michael Jackson a music, dancing ,songwriting, artist, fashion Genius.
"The best Father you could ever imagine." I recently visited Neverland, the land he treasured; and I laid sunflowers at Holly Terrace in Forest Lawn.

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MJ100%fan says:
In reply to an earlier post on Feb 25, 2012 9:43:13 AM PST
coffeegirl
Been there, felt that. It´s great to be in contact with people who love Michael, because around me here in S.Paulo, Brazil, I have noone. Despite living alone, I don´t feel that way , just lonely but I fight against it with all Michael´s music, dvds, films. I have a companion in Michael and friends who feel the same that I do. I am so glad because sometimes I think I am a love freak for Michael. But you guys are too, so let´s share our love.
L.O.V.E. was his message.

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ljmissmj says:
Posted on Mar 2, 2012 8:43:38 AM PST
I listen and watch Michael at least once a day. Lately I've been playing the Immortal CD again and again. But then I'll throw on Invincible. T

I almost started crying reading some of your comments. Wow, almost three years and still i get that pang in my heart.. gosh I miss this man so much.

Believe me you are NOT alone in this and you are not crazy at all ,and if you want to blame someONE,then blame Michael  :mrgreen: ,he is the one who POKE   :oops: us all,man or women :mrgreen:  lolol/  !!!!!!!!!

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 03:21:23 PM
@50th - simply awesome!
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline Do

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 04:13:15 PM
@ Applehead. Thank you so, so much for your post! I really needed a good laugh, oh my, Michael Jackson supporters are the best! Everything that was written over there I'm guilty of, so now I know for sure that I'm not crazy, and if I AM crazy, there are other lunatics like me :D beerchug
I'm glad we're in this together and I won't quit or give up but Michael, what takes you so long  /cook/????

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind."
Bertrand Russel

Offline applehead250609

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 04:39:41 PM
@ Applehead. Thank you so, so much for your post! I really needed a good laugh, oh my, Michael Jackson supporters are the best! Everything that was written over there I'm guilty of, so now I know for sure that I'm not crazy, and if I AM crazy, there are other lunatics like me :D beerchug
I'm glad we're in this together and I won't quit or give up but Michael, what takes you so long  /cook/????

Do be blessed  bearhug !!!!!
Thank you very much for the LOVE ,I really like to make people laugh and happy  :) ,but I have to confess that like every one I also need sometimes a shoulder to cry  :( .I know that it's important to be positive and optimistic and I really try,please believe me  :mrgreen: .Michael was always THERE but I think that we took him for granted  :( ,and after what happened in 2009 ,he became a PART OF US .You can call me crazy but I think that true/because of him we experience THE DIVINE   ;)  !!!!
Here is another confession that left me spechless .......one more time  lolol/ !!!!


Quote
E. moya says:
Posted on Feb 9, 2012 5:12:11 PM PST
I have all J5 albums , plus all the " collections " ... Every one I listen to, it's a nostalgic pulling ! Because it's not only about the music itself , is also about " where I was " , " what was happening to me , that time "... When I first heard them , you know , the 4 singles #1 , I thought He was too " tweeter " ! I remember everybody amazed with His voice ! And I , " no, no, no... too high to my taste " ! Then , one day , some time after the first musics , I was at a friend's house , they were watching TV and somebody started singing SOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL ! I asked who's this ? MICHAEL JACKSON !! What ?! The " tweeter " is getting better ! WOW ! What is the name of this music ? " GOT TO BE THERE ". I bought it ! And start following Him . He never stop of getting better , and Better , and BETTER ! But until He recorded " OFF THE WALL ", I just thought about Him like " the cute little boy "... Well , I have some years more than Him , maybe because of this . When I heard " ROCK WITH YOU " ... OMG !!! As Willy said , that music should come with a WARNING LABEL  ( :shock:  :lol:  :lol: :oops:  lolol/ !!!! ) !! So , imagine when I saw the video... unh... I meant , the short movie ! I was ... ( God , how you say " vidrada " in English ? ). Well , you know what I mean . And I couldn't say anything to anybody ! Married with Children ! Well , He wasn't there , no much of reality . My husband gave me the album , as Christmas gift , Dec/79 ... He bought me the cassette . And I bought the LP , after ... Good memories . He was on the ramp , going up , Up , UP ! No sadness . I was a fan , already , when THRILLER FEVER start ! Thriller never was one of my favorite . From " OFF THE WALL " , I always liked : Rock With You , It's The Falling In Love , Girlfriend , She's Out Of My Life ... From the " THRILLER " , Billie Jean , Human Nature , PYT , The Lady Of My Life ! Human Nature stayed in my list of the 3 best up to 1992 ! But , you guys know , babies grow up too fast , the work and worries when they're growing , grow even more ! And I kept MJ in the " background " of my life ... yeah , like a sound track . What I didn't know was that , later , some time in the future , this " background sound track " was going to look SO IMPORTANT ! Of course , I was aware of the drama of His life ! The accusations , the Trial ... But I never thought of going to LA to stay at the Court Door . And , now , this hurts me so much ! The day He died , I was since the first TV call about the ambulance following the drama . But ... I NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO DIE !!! All the time I thought He' d be taken to the Hospital ( how many times we heard this kind of news ?!! ) . I left the Clinic at 4:45pm , my house was 5 to 10 mins. from the Clinic , I arrived , turned on the TV to continue following , went for a quick shower , seat in front of the TV , the people in front of the Hospital , Jermaine came , pronounce Him DEAD !!! Imediately my cell rang ! It was my daughter in law , she only said : " He's Dead " !! I said : " Yes ! He's Dead " !! And we started crying ... I was listening Giulia , my grand daughter , saying " I don't want that He dies " !! And start crying too . I told Tatiana to go take care of Giulia ( 8 y.o. ) . I didn't stop crying all night long ! Watching His short movies , changing the channels , all of them , only MJ ! On the next day , only God knows how I went to work ! When I got there , the girls " what happened " ?! I just asked them to do not talk to me , if I'd talk , I'd be crying again , and I needed to work ! At 10am , my boss arrived . She stoped at my door , we looked to each other , she got in , seat , we started crying again , we were talking about Him , she has a son named after Him , only at lunch time we re started working ... I was for long , crying , sobbing while watching His videos ! Stated to go to every " s..." channel , only to hear about Him ! Even if it were bad talking ! Buying magazines , books , all His albums ( the ones I had , my children had taken , according they were leaving home )... I went buy them because I read something He said about , if we want His LOVE , to just go to the MUSIC ! " IT'S ALL IN THE MUSIC " ! The first I bought was , of course , OFF THE WALL ! I had to beg the guy of the BEST BUY to hold one for me ! I had to get in the Clinic at 8am , the stores only open later , my lunch time never was a " for sure time for myself "... So , I had to go to the stores , after 4:30pm ! No album anymore ! They said , as arrives , they go ! We requesting but everybody is doing the same , so , whatever comes today , goes the same day ! One day the guy got to hind one for me . He said that he got two , OFF THE WALL and INVINCIBLE . Which one do you want ! You kidding ? Both !! But the one I wanna listen to was OFF THE WALL . I went to my car so anxious to hear the music ... I wanna it laud ! Then , instead of going home ( I didn't want to disturb the neighbors ), I stopped in parking spot of the Miami Dade Library . It was about 5:30pm , I put the album to play and , all the windows closed , there ... listening , crying , singing together , crying more ... Suddenly , I heard knocking my window . I turn , a black lady police officer ! I put the sound down , open the window : " Are you ok , mam ? May I help you ? " I didn't know what to say ! I thought the best was saying the truth : " I'm mourning Michael Jackson's death "... She looked me , just a little peek behind her back , and asked me to raise the sound ( :shock:  lolol/ ) . I did it , Rock With You on ... I was crying , looked at her , she was crying too ! The music finished , we both drying the tears . She peek at her back again , and " Mam , go home ... Drive safe . " And went back to the police car , her officer partner there ... Many times I thought of her ... Did He got her , there , with His Lightning Bolt ?! The Michael Jackson I began to know , after His death , is a completely " other person " ! But the main difference is that THIS ONE , lives inside me ! Inside my mind , inside my heart , inside my being ! I don't think of me as obsessed ! He just lives inside me !(WoW million times WoW  /bravo/ ) My children say " you're crazy " ! And I answer : " but happy " ! LYM , Nora .

Offline everlastinglove_MJ

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 05:34:56 PM
@50th_state_believer2, you described so well the feelings and thoughts many of us have, thank you. Your words are beautiful!

LOVE to you and you all
It's all for L.O.V.E.

Offline MaryK

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 05:43:55 PM
FIRST OF ALL:
@50th_state_believer2: thank you so much for sharing your wonderful thoughts and starting this thread!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now.....

I am 39 years old now.
Michael has been an idol of my teenage years.
I have never been a so-called „hardcore“ fan, but even after that I have always loved his music, enjoyed hearing from him, seeing him.
I obvserved the trial in 2005 with great anger and pain. There has never been a doubt in my mind, that all these allegations were false. I just did not understand how anybody could hurt a human being as awesome, talented, hard-working, sincere, caring and noble as him.
So the years went by with me just enjoying his presence on earth.
On June 25 in 2009 I felt sad and shocked hearing that he was gone.
But with the sadness came a little smile and a little voice in my head that kept telling me: „Finally! He did it! He´s free now.“
I was caught between „he´s dead, let him rest in peace“ and „no way...this can´t be true, he must have been faking it“.
After some time of serious thinking and reasoning I thought: well, this is it, ´cause Michael said so!
Meaning: I am perfectly allright with both possibilities: him being alive or him being dead.
All I could think of was: either way he found the peace that he deserves.
I never mourned or cried, nore did I go to see TII or watch any footage about the events on TV.

In 2011 I came „back to topic“ with the Conrad Murray trial coming up.
I did a lot of reading, watched videos and so on.
One day I was just looking at a picture of Michael on my laptop.
My son, who is almost 9 years old now, saw that and asked: „What are you doing?“. I said: „I am looking at a photograph of someone. Do you know who that is?“.
„No I don´t“ my son replied. So I picked an audio file and played „Beat it“ to him. And I asked: „Do you know who is singing?“. And he gave me a huge smile and said: „Of course I do, that´s Michael Jackson!“. I said:“See that´s the man in the picture you just saw.“. He replied „Oh, I did not know what he looked like. Mum, why does he look so pale and so sad and vulnerable?“.
So I started to show him all kinds of pictures of Michael, explained why his colour of skin changed throughout the years, even explained what made him suffer, what the media and the allegations had done to him, what kind of childhood he has had. I also pointed out that he has not always been so sad in his life and thus I showed him a video of the time at Neverland (the one with the easter eggs and the super soaker and water balloon fights and stuff). And my son´s face lit up with joy and amazement and he showed the happiest smile I have ever seen. He was thoroughly happy.

After that I started crying so hard for a couple of days. NO I did not want this wonderful man to be dead for real. NO I did not want to imagine how they cut and tore his body in an autopsy, because for me his body is holy for it carries the most beautiful soul within. NO I did not want those gorgeous kids to be left without their dad. NO I did not want the WORLD to be left without him.

And I felt so stupid and sorry for never bothering to attend one of his concerts and for never trying to just get one glance or even touch him (and btw I still feel that way today!).
I experienced emptiness....and I never realized before what huge place he had occupied in my heart without me even noticing.

And at this point I decided for myself: NO! This can NOT be it!
Because the world needs him.......and so do I.

I lead a rather reclusive life and I am an avowed melancholic. That´s ok, I like it that way. Not that I am not sociable or a misanthrope. Not at all. And of course I enjoy a good laugh and I love and enjoy the beauty of nature and I am grateful for my life even though it´s hard sometimes.
But over the years I found that so few people are truly worth the while when it comes to deeper thoughts and understanding. So many disappointments, so many tears.... Life has not made me bitter. I still try to see the good in every human being and try to spread love and practice kindness and compassion.
I just feel that Michael would be worth my while. And that is more than I can say about most people I know or meet.
And that´s why I so miss him! Even though I am aware that one cannot miss a person that one never really knew. Still....I can feel him within my heart and soul. Maybe I should be thankful that he finally tore the curtain on that fateful day. So I could (and can) really see him.

So today what I do to fill the empty space in my heart is visit this forum, listen to his music, trying to pass on my love for him to my child and everybody that is willing to listen and learn.
He gave so much...what more can I give? Sometimes I wish I could just do more for him....

I am wondering if Michael knows or is aware of the fact that we are not just here because of his music, his looks, the mystery, the thrill, but because of the utter joy he gave us, because of his idealism and his love for mankind....thus: because of the appreciation of his self. We really do need him, the world needs him.

Forgive me for that long post and for maybe not using the right words or misspelling but I really felt like writing that down. And I am sure you will understand.

Thank you ALL for being the wonderful and crazy people that you are!
<3

 bearhug
« Last Edit: March 04, 2012, 05:53:01 PM by MaryK »
You and I were never separate

It's just an illusion

Wrought by the magical lens of Perception



Offline YouRnotAlone7

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 04, 2012, 08:41:16 PM
Michael's "fans" really are truly in love with him.  He exudes love and it's genuine.  We know that and we have fallen in love with him as if he were our soul mate.  We mourn for him, but we know he's not gone.  Our hearts break because we don't know exactly where he is, what he's doing or if he's okay.  It is a time for patience.  A time to take a look at ourselves and to better ourselves.  A time to care more for others.  A time of growth and cleansing.   Just like a lover who has gone away...to war to to another country for business, we keep our love alive hoping that he will be back soon.  When he comes back, he will be coming back to the people who genuinely love him and will accept him as he will be.  XXXOOO Michael 4 EVER.

Offline lettingitsimmer

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 09, 2012, 06:27:11 PM
If you were to ask - I would say that life is good, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I can't cut loose from these strings that tie me to thoughts of you.
If you were to ask - I would say that I'm ok, I suppose.  Other than the fact, that I revisit the thought of you, every single day of my life.
If you were to ask - I would say that I believe you are somewhere, waiting for just the right moment...to resurface.  Other than the fact, that sadness is what really lingers between all the smiles and hopes that aren't very good at covering up..what I really feel.
If you were to ask, Michael - I would say that the only reason why I try to believe you are not gone forever, is because I can't blow out that candle - it's the last flicker of something great....something no words can describe...no other being can similate...
But if I were to ask you something...a favor, Michael...just one - it would be this: Tell Me What to Do...because nothing is working...I am floating between two worlds...one that believes...and one that doesn't...and I just can't seem to put both feet in just one place.   It hurts to believe you are gone...but just the same - it hurts more to believe you are out there - because the world needs you back...doing what you always did so well...the best...you weren't meant to be behind the camera, Michael...no matter what others may say you have a talent for...
So tell me what to do - when I can't see you but have to believe you are there.  It is hell...Tell Me What to Do.

Thank you for sharing this  ..I think it obviously and beautifully expresses the way many many others are also feeling.. L.O.V.E. x      typing/                       

Offline marumjj

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 09, 2012, 07:52:54 PM
@ 50th_state_believer2 Your feelings are exactly the most, we've been at some point. Your message has been for me like listening to my own heart, we all have the same uncertainty of not knowing what happened that damn day. when everything stopped them (at least for me). Michael is present in every day of my life and I hope every day too. I dream of waking up and you have exploited all the tv, radio ... as that day but backwards. So I understand your feelings but you are not alone and that's good, but still have the support of which we here and standing. Keep the faith! a hug

Offline blankie

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 09, 2012, 09:06:27 PM
Thanks 50th... :cry:..... :cry:.....WONDERFUL !!!!! bearhug
LOVE YOU MORE

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 10, 2012, 10:19:12 AM
 :cry: Beautiful.  I really should not have read this thread today.  I am already feeling kinda sad for other reasons and this is so touching it is about to break me all the way down.   :cry: 

The question:  where do broken hearts go?  The answer: where ever love for Michael Jackson is.  When ever I am down, I can always find some kind of peace and comradery with other people who share a love for Michael.  Always.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2012, 10:24:10 AM by hesouttamylife »
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline hesouttamylife

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 10, 2012, 10:25:21 AM
 bearhug now I think I wanna rock.
"Don't stop this child, He's the father of man
Don't cross his way, He's part of the plan
I am that child, but so are you
You've just forgotten, Just lost the clue.”

MJ "Magical Child"
Still Rocking my World…
   and leaving me Speechless!

“True goodbyes are the ones never said

Offline AKHTONI

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 10, 2012, 11:07:54 AM
:cry: Beautiful.  I really should not have read this thread today.  I am already feeling kinda sad for other reasons and this is so touching it is about to break me all the way down.   :cry: 

The question:  where do broken hearts go?  The answer: where ever love for Michael Jackson is.  When ever I am down, I can always find some kind of peace and comradery with other people who share a love for Michael.  Always.

I think to Heartbreak Hotel!!  :lol:  :lol:  bearhug

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olqe-JnHzjU
MJ&EP REAL ICONS AND THE REST ARE RUBBISH

Offline lettingitsimmer

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 11, 2012, 06:22:22 AM
Michael's "fans" really are truly in love with him.  He exudes love and it's genuine.  We know that and we have fallen in love with him as if he were our soul mate.  We mourn for him, but we know he's not gone.  Our hearts break because we don't know exactly where he is, what he's doing or if he's okay.  It is a time for patience.  A time to take a look at ourselves and to better ourselves.  A time to care more for others.  A time of growth and cleansing.   Just like a lover who has gone away...to war to to another country for business, we keep our love alive hoping that he will be back soon.  When he comes back, he will be coming back to the people who genuinely love him and will accept him as he will be.  XXXOOO Michael 4 EVER.
Absolutely! L.O.V.E.     x                             bearhug

Offline For All Time

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 11, 2012, 09:19:20 AM
 Beautiful words that came straight from your heart dear, and that's how I feel  :cry: I miss Michael so much, wish I knew what to do !  bearhug
I'll be forever searching for your love .I love you Michael

Offline loveratheart4mj

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Re: Tell Me What to Do

  • on: March 11, 2012, 09:55:20 PM
50th you  bring tears to my eyes. sadness tears my heart so often. I feel your pain as well. Its a deep deep ache. such emptiness fills the hole now. I am a beLIEver. I have HOPE that he returns. Peace and Love to you. MJ forever.
~~spreading the love~~~lets heal the world~~
~~Oklahomas most dedicated fan....Sheryll~~
~~~~~~~I Love U Michael~~~~~~~

 

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