Michael Jackson Death Hoax Investigators

General Michael Jackson Forum => Random MJ Talk => Topic started by: mjgirl86 on November 25, 2009, 07:39:23 PM

Title: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mjgirl86 on November 25, 2009, 07:39:23 PM
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: LucyLocket on November 25, 2009, 07:47:27 PM
((Hugs)) to you, mjgirl86.  I feel confident in saying that we are here for you.  Many of us have had similar feelings as you have described.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Iused2dream on November 25, 2009, 07:56:15 PM
I sent you a PM...hope u are bk online sometime & read it!
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Michael-IS-Beautiful on November 25, 2009, 08:26:19 PM
Life isnt a "precious gift" its a punishment, or a lesson to be learned. Dont be so down on yourself, you're already going through hell. No things don't really get better, if its anyhelp Mj has never really seemed to be an entirely happy person, he loved people the way we need to be loved and maybe hoping for someone as sweet as you and himself all he got was sht, people always hurt him, and if he didnt die, there were times he must have felt like it. And even if you dont ever meet mj, you are more mj than anyone whos met him because you feel his pain.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: MJsSuperflyPYT on November 25, 2009, 09:24:55 PM
Lots of hugs and prayers to you mjgirl86.  I enjoyed your posts and especially your wallpapers.  I want to thank you again for the ones you made for me *heart smilie*.  Take care and hope to see you here again.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: OneStepCloser on November 25, 2009, 09:28:53 PM
I'm so sorry for ur pain, my heart aches. I'm also going through some quite bad issues at the moment but I wont go into detail about that. I'll just say that when I'm around people I clam up reaaaal bad, I can sit there and they can all talk but I'm so shy that I cant even look into their eyes or I think I will die from embarrassment. There is other stuff too but its to painful to talk about.
You are not alone. I hope you resolve this very soon and come back here.
Though I never spoke to you, I will miss you.
Hugs and prayers - x
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: lotus_sutra on November 25, 2009, 09:56:31 PM
(((((((mjgirl)))))) peace, light and love to you dear girl...please don't go, not because of the forum but because you were able to reach out here.  While I do not walk in your shoes I do understand 'clinical major depression' and everything that you wrote fits the diagnosis ( I am not a physician and am not labeling you), I am someone that has had to battle it my entire life.  I implore you to speak with a counselor... if you find it difficult to talk during your appointment write it in a letter before hand.  You write beautifully, your emotions poured through your message...this is what I have done in the past, it honestly helped because I didn't feel as though I even deserved to be making someone listen to me!  I am sure to most that sounds ridiculous as that is what you are there for and paying them for their service, but when you are feeling so low you honestly feel worthless!
There is more out there and you do deserve all of it!!!!  Please pm me if I am able to help in any possible way, I care for you and see the beautiful light in you!!!!  If at all possible find the time to visit a homeless shelter, animal rescue society, or a food bank over the holidays...you will be amazed what helping someone else does to boost your serotonin level and make you feel that you do have something to offer no matter how small!  It's a slow climb, and sometimes you slip but never give up!  Namaste.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mjgirl86 on November 26, 2009, 07:02:08 PM
Thanks everyone for your nice replies... and to those who sent me PM's... thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.. I will try and be strong, but I am still very sad right now...

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family, but of course the topic of Michael Jackson popped up... my aunt asked me what the status was on Murray, and I explained that they were letting him work etc, and how some fans were mad about that, and some other family members joined in, and said, "He didn't even kill Michael." I sat quietly, then they said, "Michael chose to take those pills. No one is to blame but himself. He made that choice, and did that to himself."

Now, this bothers me, even though we know the real situation, (Or at least that what happened that day is false), but to know that people would think he would be so careless, and destroy himself... it just bothers me... :(

Anyways, I am trying to be happy... thanks everyone.. I will try and post when I can on here. I love you all.

*Hugs & Kisses*
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: MissG on November 26, 2009, 07:22:52 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

[youtube:3384mnfu]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-G8IfjPAII[/youtube:3384mnfu]
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: SPAKKLE29FUL on November 27, 2009, 07:53:48 AM
i dont wanna do this anymore but i cant help myself its like an addiction i cannot stay away  im afraid im here to the very end whenever that may be
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: dexember on November 27, 2009, 09:30:23 AM
Aw, I hope you feel better soon! If you ever need someone to talk to you can add me on msn, You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

So much love for you here, I hope you feel it :)
Good luck with getting everything on track
I wish you the best. L.O.V.E. :)
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: icebluestarlight on December 10, 2009, 06:38:35 PM
Sort yourself out and come back soon we will be waiting for you.  Be strong.  We will pray for you xx
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: SPAKKLE29FUL on December 11, 2009, 08:28:20 AM
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: onemorechance on December 11, 2009, 08:36:08 AM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....

Please please don't do this, just think about how Michael would be saddened by reading your post, and who knows maybe he is actually reading it!!! Just think about it. You are not less than anyone around you, pls!!!!  you are a unique individual. I'm sure. Please take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think about Michael. You sure want to be around when he comes back, don't you??? :mrgreen:
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Leah-Kim on December 11, 2009, 08:36:57 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUl4PRwtA3c (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUl4PRwtA3c)
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Alem (Thetruth) on December 11, 2009, 09:29:41 AM
“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with"

Michael Jackson
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Brilly on December 11, 2009, 09:30:34 AM
i think that it's sad to see how many people GOT LOST the faith
what do you want?do you want that michael come out 4 people who is loosing faith?
he told us that he is alive in EACH WAY..
it's your own INTEREST get his messagge..otherwise CRY ALL DAY 4 ALL DAYS .
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Harleyblonde on December 11, 2009, 09:52:57 AM
Honey-you were on the old forum speaking words much the same as you have here and you got some wonderful responses from our sweet caring members trying to make you feel better with wonderful words of comfort. This obviously didn't work as time has lapsed and you are still suffering and crying out for help. I said it then and I will say it now-you need professional help. Do please go and talk to your Doctor, it may be a case of a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be put right by medication, am not saying it is this but my friend suffered for years before they found the right diagnosis and she has never looked back and is now living a normal happy life. Whatever is wrong with you can be sorted. Do not suffer any longer than you need to.
You say you cannot hurt your family any more but don't you think them seeing you like this is hurting them? Don't you think they want to see you happy and not wasting your life feeling pain and worthlessness? Please seek help as kind words of comfort and encouragement are cleariy not working. Take care and please do not waste your young life suffering.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Infinitylady on December 11, 2009, 03:50:10 PM
Harley,

I am concerned. I read what she wrote and it don't sound good. :( I will be praying for this young woman as I can relate to some of the things that she feels about herself. You just never know what people are dealing with in their personal life. When you think you got it bad someone has it just as worse as you.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mjj29081958 on December 11, 2009, 03:56:55 PM
Quote from: "SPAKKLE29FUL"
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?

Sending hugs to Baxter and you!

Maybe keep you off from this site some days could help you to clear your mind! Then you will be able to get out from your padded cell! Lol!
 
Now serious quote, I don't know how can I help you, so I encourage you re-read that annie's thread "Fake MJ..." on old mjkit... Hope it helps!

Hugs, feel better soon!
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: badloving on December 11, 2009, 04:14:39 PM
please keep the faith and try to be strong...i have days when i feel exactly like you but you must seek little but good things in life...like one dear friend, one animal dear to you...a walk outside, a piece of music...anything that can make you feel better...i also had and still have sometimes horrible days (especially after 25th of june) and remember you are not alone in all this...there are persons here who feel the same as you...
for myself i know that this place have helped me feel better about what happened to michael, just to share my feelings and to see people who understand and feel the same....it helped a lot and it still does for me....
i am a depresive person too but there are little things who make me feel better, even for a moment...you just have to find them...and just know that seeking professional help is nothing to be ashame of...
so, that being said i hope i'll see you around and feeling better...and you can PM me if you want someone to talk to..
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mumof3 on December 11, 2009, 04:50:56 PM
This is scaring me  reading about how lost and hurt and low people are I knew this was going to happen if something did not happen  we cant pin all our hopes on Michael even if we want too,it is too much of a burden on one person we have to look at all the good things Michael has done in his life and let it carry us along he would not want to upset or hurt any of you I have had a lot of problems in my life the past 2 weeks and when  i am dealing with it I think what would Michael say or do I am not dealing with it as well as he would but i am trying to understand  but i am scared for all of you as this is tipping you over the edge and I dont know what to say too help you..
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mumof3 on December 11, 2009, 04:57:50 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
I am taking a long break, from everything... I am telling you ahead of time that I wont be on this forum. I have been too sad, and my focus has been off, constantly.

The other day, I cried for hours, on the floor, because I always feel lonely, pathetic, and I don't understand what I am here for...

I can't sadden you all with dry posts, and no enthusiasm, so I wont even be posting for awhile.. I just feel defeated and lost in this world.

I am not prepared, and I don't have the necessary strength to handle "Life". I don't see anything good happening in the future. I think I will be sad my whole life. People have taken advantage of me, people judge me, and I hate that I always care what others think. I always wanna fit in, and feel loved.

I know I'm still young, 23, but feeling the way I have since I was an early teenager is taking it's toll. No I wont seek help because last time I told someone how I felt, I was in an institution, and I can't put my family through that again...

I am trying not to cry right now-- hmm, cry. That's all I ever do. CRY. Anyways.. keep investigating and doing what you do...

Honestly, I myself, am the reason I have so many problems. I can't accept who I am, and I never will. I hate myself, fully. I don't explode, like most people do when they can't handle things. I implode, and it hurts, badly. I don't like to feel like a problem, but I just feel like a mistake.... *cries* I love my family, and I don't wanna hurt them, but I have a serious serious problem in my own head, that no one can fix.

I feel I am disgusting, that I don't deserve the precious gift of life, or to ever be loved and find happiness. That's fine for everyone else, but when it comes to me, no. I don't care whether I burn in hell or not, just because what happens to me doesn't matter. This is just how I feel. I try to change it, but it feels weird... and I hate compliments, etc, and I just feel like I will be the end of my own life, one day. I hope not, though, but when I get in my hysterical modes, I tend to do some damage to myself, pretty bad...

*Sigh* Wow, I didn't mean to make this so long, and.... open... I am going to go, now. I love you all. Don't worry, I wont do anything drastic, I just can't post here, feeling this way. I can't even concentrate on half the topics..

Bye, for now....
PLease look after  yourself
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Harleyblonde on December 11, 2009, 05:09:46 PM
Quote from: "Infinitylady"
Harley,

I am concerned. I read what she wrote and it don't sound good. :( I will be praying for this young woman as I can relate to some of the things that she feels about herself. You just never know what people are dealing with in their personal life. When you think you got it bad someone has it just as worse as you.

Yes, I agree but clearly this young Lady is suffering and definetly needs help. Yes many suffer in their personal lives and whatever is wrong there is always someone who has it worse-always but when you are feeling like this it does not matter how much others are suffering-you feel too low to care or indeed care about yourself. I saw my friend in a really bad way often and her good days were bad and her bad days were hell and no matter what you said or did helped. I hope to never see her in such pitiful state again-she just didn't care what happened to her. I have seen some terrible things when I lived in Africa but even through huge hardships, poverty and desperation I always saw a glimmer of hope and survival in the very poor who had nothing, when you are in a depressive state such as our member here there is no glimmer of hope, no motivation and no self worth. All is not lost though as she is aware of how she is and that is step one. My love-if you are reading this you will be aware this is true and please please seek help. Look forward to happier times when you can take pride in yourself and relish the wonderful things in life, nature, animals, children etc.There is so much to do in life-go seek help, then make friends, there are many young lonely people- and get out there and LIVE!!
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: AnnieIsNotOK on December 11, 2009, 06:57:06 PM
Quote from: "SPAKKLE29FUL"
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?

Dear SPAKKLE,I understand how you feel...Some malicious people are out there 'cause they're non-believers and I guess they don't have much to do with their time but to mock us...I don't read those things,I don't think Michael would go on facebook or whatever to talk to us...All these theories lately too, have giving me splitting headaches and for now I try to focuss only on the more down to earth clues...I don't have a choice!"Annie airhead" just can't absorb much these days :shock: :lol:  :lol: So if you need to stay in your padded cell with Baxter for a few days,it's fine with me ;) .....just don't forget to grab a  writing pad and a pen to write your "I told you so speech"... You'll need it sooner or later!!!
                                Take care!(From headless chicken no.2... :lol:  :lol: )
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mjgirl86 on December 11, 2009, 08:57:06 PM
Thanks again guys.... my family doesn't want me on any pills, though...

and I feel like I may die soon, anyways.. I suffer from migraines, and I feel sharp pains in my head, and there's a discomfort, like my brain is pushing against my skull. I've felt this for years. Even worse, I really don't care.... and worse than that, my stress and strain is taking its toll on my heart....

I know, I know, go get it checked out. Ugh, maybe, maybe not. I barely wanna hop in the shower in the mornings-- that's how unmotivated I am. And someone said Michael would be sad if he read my post? Yeah, I am trying to think positive, and I love him very much, he's amazing.. but with the world today, I don't even wanna attempt to get better, anymore. People keep dying, killing their families, stealing and robbing people.. this is not the world I wanna live in.

I'm not saying I'm giving up, but I'm also saying that I'm not trying. I am just stuck in this purgatory of my own demons.

I will no longer post messages like this, because they could get very dark, and disturbing, plus, I don't like making people feel sad, and I don't like to complain.

I do this to myself. I am destroying myself. I implode, not explode, like I said. And I take everything real hard. I am overly sensitive to what others say, yet, I am the rudest and meanest to myself. I curse myself all the time, and call myself stupid. I'd rather hear myself say that, then have someone give me a compliment. Now how weird and twisted is that. I let myself suffer because I feel I deserve it. And there's no way I can get help, because honestly, I dont even want it. I will never accept who I am, ever. And I will never date, nor live with anyone.

I will stop here, because this is getting too deep, and dark in my mind. I will no longer post how I feel though, because you all have helped enough, and I feel terrible for even blabbing in the first place, when I know I wont make a change.

I shake and tremble when I do things wrong, and scream in my head. I still hit myself in the head, which probably adds on to my headaches, but something happens, when I make a mistake, or disappoint someone. I can't handle anything negative, from another. I snap, and beat myself about it- literally.

I've been doing this for years, though. I don't think it will change. I am truly my own worst enemy, and since I am in such a dark place, I will have to pull away from this forum even more. You would think I'd stay, because you guys make me happy, but I don't wanna say anything outrageous, again.

Take care, I love you all.

And please don't waste 10-20 minutes of your time with messaging me... honestly, deep inside, it doesn't make me feel better. I'm glad you all care, but it doesn't hit home, I am so far in my thoughts now, hardly anything encourages me. But please, don't worry about me. This is my last post like this, I promise.

Keep the faith.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: AnnieIsNotOK on December 11, 2009, 09:50:35 PM
Quote from: "mjgirl86"
Thanks again guys.... my family doesn't want me on any pills, though...

and I feel like I may die soon, anyways.. I suffer from migraines, and I feel sharp pains in my head, and there's a discomfort, like my brain is pushing against my skull. I've felt this for years. Even worse, I really don't care.... and worse than that, my stress and strain is taking its toll on my heart....

I know, I know, go get it checked out. Ugh, maybe, maybe not. I barely wanna hop in the shower in the mornings-- that's how unmotivated I am. And someone said Michael would be sad if he read my post? Yeah, I am trying to think positive, and I love him very much, he's amazing.. but with the world today, I don't even wanna attempt to get better, anymore. People keep dying, killing their families, stealing and robbing people.. this is not the world I wanna live in.

I'm not saying I'm giving up, but I'm also saying that I'm not trying. I am just stuck in this purgatory of my own demons.

I will no longer post messages like this, because they could get very dark, and disturbing, plus, I don't like making people feel sad, and I don't like to complain.

I do this to myself. I am destroying myself. I implode, not explode, like I said. And I take everything real hard. I am overly sensitive to what others say, yet, I am the rudest and meanest to myself. I curse myself all the time, and call myself stupid. I'd rather hear myself say that, then have someone give me a compliment. Now how weird and twisted is that. I let myself suffer because I feel I deserve it. And there's no way I can get help, because honestly, I dont even want it. I will never accept who I am, ever. And I will never date, nor live with anyone.

I will stop here, because this is getting too deep, and dark in my mind. I will no longer post how I feel though, because you all have helped enough, and I feel terrible for even blabbing in the first place, when I know I wont make a change.

I shake and tremble when I do things wrong, and scream in my head. I still hit myself in the head, which probably adds on to my headaches, but something happens, when I make a mistake, or disappoint someone. I can't handle anything negative, from another. I snap, and beat myself about it- literally.

I've been doing this for years, though. I don't think it will change. I am truly my own worst enemy, and since I am in such a dark place, I will have to pull away from this forum even more. You would think I'd stay, because you guys make me happy, but I don't wanna say anything outrageous, again.

Take care, I love you all.

And please don't waste 10-20 minutes of your time with messaging me... honestly, deep inside, it doesn't make me feel better. I'm glad you all care, but it doesn't hit home, I am so far in my thoughts now, hardly anything encourages me. But please, don't worry about me. This is my last post like this, I promise.

Keep the faith.

I can't find words for making you feel better :(  but I'm going to bed now..and you are going to be in my prayers. ;)
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: Infinitylady on December 12, 2009, 11:25:25 AM
MJ,

I am praying for you still. Sis, I have been there.

Infinitylady
Psalms 103
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mollyfaithxo on December 21, 2009, 05:30:33 PM
I will pray for you. I felt similar, but I promise Michael's music really does help. I don't think I've ever met you, but I'm here for you.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: darkchild on December 22, 2009, 10:28:41 PM
mjgirl, Please do not go.  I have always enjoyed your posts and your wallpapers.  I have always been misunderstood in this world like you.  But, I have embraced my uniqueness and my differences from others.  You seem like a wonderful person.  I will pray for you as well.  Always remember that you are much loved in this world.  You have a great mission to do for the world.  Smile, mjgirl, we are so happy that you are here with us. God Bless You! :D
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: miss j on December 22, 2009, 11:17:10 PM
mjgirl, i really am not good at comforting people but....please don't give up. don't stress out yourself. be strong. stop having that negative thinking. your mindsetting is overpowering you. fight it! about your headache, please have it looked at. don't torture yourself like this...
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: MJLover1990 on December 24, 2009, 04:46:53 PM
My heart breakes reading your words, you've said it probably doesn't make you feel better when someone says something nice or encouraging to you but you have to know you are unique there is only one you in this world you and you have to know you do deserve to be here no matter what state the world is in. You are special like each and everyone one of us and you really beat yourself down with these thoughts, you really need to lift your mind and head up high and listen to Keep The Faith it is what makes me going sometimes when things get rough.

Just know you are here for a purpose and you are unique.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: whateverhappens on December 24, 2009, 04:56:41 PM
Quote from: "SPAKKLE29FUL"
:cry: i  need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean :?
qhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DisWL2lf2bwar (http://qhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DisWL2lf2bwar)
@dear spakkle29ful

do not be depressed, please
- i believe the only thing is that you are very young- ;)  at your age it is very hard to wait :!:
maybe it is a good idea to spend some time with people at your age and just enjoy your life?
you can pm me anytime- i will be there for you
hugs
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: angelshadow on December 24, 2009, 05:01:37 PM
@ Spakkle29Ful,
Yes, I understand :!:
I also see that sometimes it is not easy ....... :(
If I could I would invite you to the fish fight :D to cheer
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: mjgirl86 on December 24, 2009, 06:54:44 PM
Thanks guys for all your new replies... I am trying to take one day at a time, but I get those moments throughout the day, everyday...

I wont get into details, but I hate being bothered and being around people. I have such a problem, that I drive myself insane. I almost cut again, but it took everything in me to pull back...

I'm working on it, guys.. I'm trying.. I have been doing things though, to try and feel stable. Like cleaning the house.. helping a neighbor, telling someone I love them, little things like that.

Thanks for putting up with me, though guys. I sure as heck couldn't.
Title: Re: I can't do this anymore guys
Post by: billiejean17 on December 24, 2009, 07:03:24 PM
Hello  All we need is LOVE.......
Merry Chrissssstmas!
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