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[GreenManMakeAChange]

but I love him too much for that, I'm just having so much heartache over what's happened and it hurts too much to love him.  And I feel so mad at him for not putting himself first, I wish there was no this is it or pleasing his fans, the industry or children if I knew what would happen.  I feel guilty and selfish too for wanting him to do this so badly :( I'm still mad at the doctor but now I'm mad at the poor thing and he doesn't deserve this venom from me :( I can't even listen to him today, I'm listening to other artists and saying "fuck him" over and over :( :( and yet I replay june 25th in my head over and over. Does anyone have moments like this?

[ROFL]

Aww sorry to hear that , don't hate him , if you know the real reasons behind this hoax you can "forgive" him , he is doing that for all of us ..:)
And no personally i don't have days like that cos I'm not a "FANATIC" of him , i just like what I know about him , as a human , also his music of course ..
Well I know about the hoax since July so I guess the time has  helped me , maybe I used to feel like you some days , but not anymore Ive learned how to handle it
Don't be like that , what's important is that he is alive & well u can't really say you miss him since you don't know him " in real life" , he hasn't done concerts or albums for years , he hadn't seen him for years on TV before his "death" , maybe I say that cos I was not a fan before , dunno . Be strong , Bon Courage

[mumof3]

I understand what you mean sometimes i wish i could not worry about him and i wish  i did not care but i do so what can you do just carry on thats all  he does so much for us so i dont mind but it is hard

[Sarahli]

but I love him too much for that, I'm just having so much heartache over what's happened and it hurts too much to love him.  And I feel so mad at him for not putting himself first, I wish there was no this is it or pleasing his fans, the industry or children if I knew what would happen.  I feel guilty and selfish too for wanting him to do this so badly :( I'm still mad at the doctor but now I'm mad at the poor thing and he doesn't deserve this venom from me :( I can't even listen to him today, I'm listening to other artists and saying "fuck him" over and over :( :( and yet I replay june 25th in my head over and over. Does anyone have moments like this?

I can imagine what you're going through but if I can give you an advice is to distant yourself from all that a little and try to take things on another level, I mean not too personnal. As said by ROFL don't be a fanatic, be a fan, live your life. Maybe you should find something else in which you could find some escapism...if you have a passion for art for example or something like that, something more at your reach because Michael is not ours. Hope you'll get better soon cause this is not what Michael would like for you. He would prefer to see you Smile.
God bless you.

[loveratheart4mj]

Hello friend. Im sorry you feel this way sometimes. Yesterday was the first time ever that i felt a bit of resentment. But only for a short while after i had watched a video. It was actually pianogames newest video. It left me feeling a bit angry thinking that maybe he had done this to promote a game thats supposed to be coming out. But a few others sent me messages letting me know that i misunderstood the meaning of the video and Michael was doing this for Love. Still confused somewhat but then Pedley1 sent me a message confirming some of my mixed thoughts and made me feel so much better. Some seem to think that Mike is done with being the megastar himself but wants to be behind the scenes and making movies. If thats what he wants i would be so happy just to know hes ok and back among us and able to live his life with his children and family. I just want normalcy back. I want my life back. I feel sometimes as though my best friend died. It has been the most horrible rollercoaster ride i have ever been on .......... by the way i HATE rollercoasters too!!!!! Sometimes i could cry instantly at the drop of a hate. It was so weird. I never have a emtpy thought ever because MJ is always there in the back of my head. If im not playing with my grandchildren, cooking dinner or watching tv (sometimes MJ wont even allow me to enjoy a good movie) he is always in my head. I know thats not good. I have tried many times to stop. God and I have talked about this alot too !
I just want this overwith. I want my Life back to normal. This is not a fun game. (if its a game) Whatever the heck it is i dont like it. Well i just wanted you to know your very normal and not weird. Theres TONS of us out there that feel this way. So welcome to MJville. lol. Welcome aboard the MJ express. Stop this train please i want off! LOL.

[CrazyBanana]

Sometimes I wish I didnt become a fan b4 he "passed"...it would have made things so much easier IMO...

[GreenManMakeAChange]

My problem is I act like a fanatic  though I try to focus on my own life.  When I was referring to michael doing "this" I think I meant the This Is It project to begin with.  It's harder for me than most to accept cause I feel robbed that I didn't get to meet him though I came close to seeing him, it's hard when half your life that's all you dream about, you give up the dream and it comes back and then is swept away.   I know it's selfish of me and I didn't realize this is an upsetting thing, cause I was sad for his family first.  It's more like I feel resentment for my feelings being hurt, I should not have expected anything, especially cause I've had beautiful times of enjoying him over the years when mj was comfort food during stressful times and taught me so much about myself.  I think I wanted to thank him or show him that he is loved, and now I can't.  I used to pray about it, hoping he could hear me, but now I don't even know if he's dead or not, and since I wrote this post, I've just become apathetic.

[DancingTheDream]

I completely understand where you are right now.

I have been on a huge rollercoaster since June 25th...  and anger is one of those stages.

All i can say is keep an open mind..  we are in the dark and that is why we are all confused and hurt.  Only the truth will set us free.
Once we have the truth, we can understand and accept and start to move on.

Too many people are lying and covering up, too many people are profiting and not caring...  sell a story for a price and not care about anyone else.

All the advice i can offer is to keep an open mind....   do not put all your hopes into the hoax theory as there is the very real option that MJ has passed on.

Ive always been 50/50 on a death hoax or a murder cover up...   all i know is that people are lying and they must be lying for a reason.

All we can do here is investigate and bring the truth out of the dark.  We are getting nearer.

Whatever the truth is and whatever has happened..  we will get justice for Michael.  We are all on Michaels side.  We all miss him and love him... and remember, he loved us more.  xxxxx

[GreenManMakeAChange]

Yeah I feel like this is like tupac all over again, I just want justice for this case, dead or alive.  I'm in the middle too with whether it's a hoax or not.  I don't even react to new information on his death, it hits me later in the day, it's like I've turned into a rock or something cause it's unbearable.

[ladylee1979]

thanx so much for this topic yesterday i had the same feeling i woke up to my big michael canvas on my bedroom wall and i cursed it for the first time in 10mths i said to myself i wish i had never liked him then i wouldnt be feeling like this now,yes i feel cheated i had presale tickets but then i thought well least i have seem him before unlike all the new generation of fans just wish i could some how move on i thought i was over it then bam i sit there starring at him on my wall and things and say where are you michael i know you he has the powers to pull this off i just know it,there was so much more to come from him im not ready to say goodbye for good i need him.

[mjwr]

Don't wish for such things..

Think about all the good things Michael has done and the songs he sung.

Keep The Faith, Man In The Mirror, Earth Song, Black Or White.

Just a couple of songs to show you can have hope.

I listen to Michael Jackson songs everyday and I keep the Message in mind.

The songs give me a feeling like there is more than living.

Keep the faith ;)

Peace.

[GreenManMakeAChange]

sorry to hear you're feeling like that, I still get the feelings sometimes, but with the sunny days and weather getting better, the negative feelings are slowly but surely fading away.  I'm trying to make myself I wasn't happy just cause mj was a part of my life, but because enjoying him was one of many blessings I had to be thankful for.  I still have sunshine, I still have family, God is watching over me, MJ's music is still in my life but I'm just emotionally bruised right now and it will get better.  I'm slowly getting used to having him without the hope of seeing him, and I feel so guilty for even thinking like that cause he made me so happy through his music for years and inspired me so much, though other times I wonder if it was real or a figment of my imagination. I think we will all be ok

[50thstatebeliever]

I think sometimes anger tries to take the place of pain/sorrow - because we have so much couped up anxiety inside over MJ - that it all gathers up and has no place to go but in the direction of anger.  We can't direct it to anyone else, so we just get angry at the fact that we WANT something to happen - but are still waiting...
Yesterday I went back to exercising - I had let it go for two weeks, because I was beginning to lose hope. But yesterday I thought - what did Michael represent? Did he represent negativity? No. Did he represent depression? No. Did he represent giving up? No...He represented happiness and love, no matter what tried to pull him down. He represented STRENGTH MAN!!! STRENGTH!!! I can't think of anyone THAT strong, that could live throughout all the crap that kept coming at him!!! So in the energy of Michael, I said I had to continue living positively - until June, maybe July, maybe even August comes around...whether or not we find out he is alive and well, or nothing happens and nothing is heard or seen...we still have to live positively, because that is what he represented. Even if God forbid, the day comes that we all realize he is actually gone, and the hoax theory does not hold - we still have to go on and live and be just like him - who we admire and love so much. It would BE IN VAIN IF WE LIVE DEFEATED...what worth would Michael's life be, if we all just threw our hands up and said "I can't live anymore..."?? All the songs, all the messages, all the peace signs and "I love you"s that he sent out would be in vain - it would mean nothing if we ended up defeated. We have to live and prosper and send down his legacy and message and life story to the next generation and the next, and prove that his fans are exactly the positive examples that came out of his LIFE!!! If you ever forget him for good - what would his life mean? It would have been for nothing...you can't forget him for ever...You have to keep him alive in your purpose in spreading good and spreading positivity...That's what he was placed here on earth for - if he comes back, WOW...what a day it will be...down in history...but if he doesn't, WE STILL HAVE TO LET HIS SPIRIT LIVE through US!!!

[GreenManMakeAChange]

You're so right, I've been thinking a lot about how whether it was in vain or not.  I know I'm still strong cause he would have wanted me to be happy and I have always had inner strength and was always inspired by how he kept going despite what they did to him.  Even the minute I heard, I was broken already but also calm and telling myself this is bad, really bad, but I'm going to be strong from the beginning and I feel myself getting better, but I still have emotional moments every single day though it's getting better.

[XspeechlessX]

I hate that I care so much.. ha.. that hes has so much "control" over me.

But then I imagine my life without him, without his music, his influence... and I just cant. that would completely destroy me. I honestly wouldnt be the person I am today without Michael.

Thank you Michael. From the bottom of my heart.. thank you.  :)  <3