QuoteGordon handed me a piece of paper.
"Here, you're reading this," he said gruffly.
"What is this?"
All of a sudden it dawned on me: that press was here for me, and I didn't have the slightest clue until just that moment. I felt the world close in around me as I was filled with rising panic. That was the kind of life Gordon had me leading. He was always forcing me to do things in the public eye without preparation or warning, and with the constant knowledge that if I didn't perform impeccably, the consequences would be swift and painful.
"What is this?" I asked again nervously. "Can I go to the ladies' room?"
"No! Read it."
Before I had time to even collect myself, Gordon pushed me out of the car into an explosion of blazing flashbulbs as eager paparazzi jostled for position and shouted my name.
"La Toya! La Toya!"
I couldn't even imagine what terrible words I was about to be forced to speak. But I knew there was no getting out of it, so I pulled myself together. Joseph had taught all of us children that whenever we did something, we should do it professionally and with as much enthusiasm and energy as possible. I didn't want to be filmed looking down, with my face hidden in the piece of paper Gordon had given me. So I was trying to read words that I had never seen before, through these enormous sunglasses that obstructed my vision, while keeping my head held high, as if I were expressing my own thoughts. Even as I began to read, I still didn't know what I was saying, but I did know that, whatever it was, if I didn't read it properly, the way Gordon wanted me to, he was going to hurt me.
Then, with horror, as I was speaking, I realized that the statement was about Michael. It wasn't the positive message I had been preaching in public about the allegations against Michael. It was the worst possible thing I could say about a person who was innocent, and I knew Michael was innocent. But Gordon didn't care. He was thrilled to see Michael's image sullied in this way. He was making me say just the opposite of what I had been saying. Back then, I didn't know why he was making me do this, or who had put him up to it, but it was horrible.
Not only that, Gordon was making me speak out in front of a mob of news cameras, which would broadcast the statement around the world. I knew better than to display any emotion on my face, but my heart was breaking as I spoke the words he forced upon me.
I truly believed that if I didn't say what I had been told to say, Gordon and his mob buddies would surely kill Michael. Gordon had drilled this threat into me, again and again, until I knew it to be true. So, although it was an excruciating choice, I decided that it was better to continue reading and do whatever it took to save Michael in the moment. I figured, afterward, when I knew Michael was safe, Michael and I could discuss what had happened, and I could try to make him understand how I had been forced to say such things. At the time, this reasoning allowed me to endure what was an impossible moment. But now that I look back from outside Gordon's control, this press conference is among the biggest regrets in my life. I can't stand to see the footage because it makes me so sick with remorse. I honestly think that I would rather have let Gordon kill me than make me say those words.
When I was finished reading those awful words from the piece of paper Gordon had handed me, he immediately took over the microphone. His words were meant to keep me convinced, and make the public think, that my family was trying to kidnap and kill me, so I wouldn't try to escape or speak to my family, and no one would try to reunite me with them.
"There's been two major kidnapping attempts on La Toya . . . that were stopped!" Gordon said to the media. "They were paid and financed by Michael Jackson."
I later learned that Gordon had attempted to extort money and favors from Michael's handlers by telling them that if they didn't comply with his demands, he would have me make this very statement. I was horrified to discover this plot and just how much thought Gordon had put into planning the whole awful event. I had been set up to commit a terrible transgression against my beloved brother so Gordon could profit.
Even more disturbing, I also discovered, long after that awful day in Tel Aviv, that the allegations against Michael had been just as manufactured as my press conference was, and with a similar goal in mind. Much like Gordon with me in that moment, evil forces were surrounding Michael. They wanted to tarnish this reputation to impoverish him and break his spirit, and perhaps force him to sell his valuable music catalog. At the time, Gordon was secretly meeting with Michael's former manager Frank DiLeo and Michael's attorney John Branca, whom Howard Weitzman had brought back into the picture in November 1993 to work on the case on Michael's behalf. Weitzman was enlisted by Bert Fields, Michael's lead attorney at the time, in around September or October of 1993. Bert Fields, as well as Michael, and the private investigator on the case, Anthony Pellicano, wanted very much to fight to prove Michael's innocence. Michael was actually looking forward to his court date, which would have been March 21, 1994. According to Michael, it was John Branca's idea not to take the case to trial, but to settle it instead. Michael always regretted that, because the settlement made Michael appear guilty of those horrific charges.
What I didn't know then was that, at the same time, Branca's law firm also represented Michael's label, Sony, which was desperate to get its hands on Michael's music publishing catalog. That seemed like a clear conflict of interest to me. As Michael's music publishing started to grow, everyone wanted a piece of it, and how convenient would it be if Michael was convicted of the child molestation charges? He would not only serve prison time, but his damaged reputation would ruin him, bankrupt him, and make it likely he would have to sell his prized possession, his music catalog. Obviously, because I was his sister, if I came out in support of the allegations, it made them more likely to stick. And even without a conviction, his ruined reputation could still have forced him to sell. I later came to believe that, because Gordon controlled me, he tried to earn favor with these powerful men by helping ruin my brother in a way that was likely to benefit them. Gordon would have been glad to do this because he hated Michael's success.