Quote from: Jowayria on January 05, 2013, 06:34:23 PMWarning : this is going to be another one of my " I-need-You-Michael and I-am -such-a drama -queen " kind of posts !
Dear Michael ,
It's been a long time since I last wrote you something . So , I thought I might jot down some of my melodramatic ambivalencies .
See, I've always loved fiction books , always favoured them over other genres , maybe that's why I'm so sticking to the hoax . Perhaps i'm so helpless , so desperate and vulnerable that I just wanna believe in something .. anything ! even the impossible ! Crossing the road today , I saw the most horrible scene a human being could ever witness . It was a 13 years old boy crossing the road from the other side who was hit by a car and his soul was taken immediately .. I stood there doing absolutely nothing while people rushed to him trying to save him .. but his soul had already left his corpse ! While people wondered about his identity , his place , his parents .. My mind was pondering all kind of silly thoughts starting from " Why did God brought me here to see this very scene ? " to " Was he hurt ? " . I've been hurt so many times before , and a lot of people in here can relate to this Michael , I / we just don't wanna get hit by the harsh truth just like that boy was hit but that stupid car . Don't get me wrong , I do belive you're alive , and that's exactly why I'm writing you this letter . You think I'm that lunatic to write a letter to a dead man ? I also believe that there's a great possibility that you might read it as well .. and unlike others , admit my existence .
The truth is I will never stop waiting for you .. I'll never pull myself out of this even if people keep telling me that it's mere illusions that i'm holding on to ..
I know I do sound pretty selfish talking about how hard it is for me and all of my never ending bla bla bla .. I sometimes seem to forget that is YOUR project , what You want .. not mine .
I really hope that you're happy wherever you are right now, doing what you love , being with whom you love .
Hi Jowayria
Firstly a hug... :bearhug:...
Please know that you are not a "drama queen".. and are entitled to your feelings, emotions and thoughts.
And you are not being selfish.I think it is very brave of you to publicly show your inner feelings..you have had a great shock , witnessing this tragic event..a precious young life being taken before your eyes. ..is so sad..
In addition, you are trying to handle your doubts and fears re Michael.. that combination is more than many people may experience in their own journeys through life.
You have so much inner energy and love.. and as your pain eases, over time, you may feel strong enough to start to teach your heart to "sing" again. The support and love of your loved ones ,would be a great comfort.
The human mind is incredible.Our thoughts and emotions can go either way..Negative, or Positive, and we can choose which way...
To keep ourselves in Balance..
If we are very unwell , or very worried etc .. then we can find that quite difficult to do, of course, and may need to get some outside help.. ( Trauma and grief counselling, or for general general emotional issues etc)
And also, e.g. if your beliefs include Meditation( relaxation/creative visualization), or a Religious belief( prayer is a wonderful Healer ) .. they are positive things to turn to in conjuction with some allied help.
You are a beautiful person, don't feel guilty for loving .. but if you are being negatively affected by your thoughts, and feelings, on a daily basis, and it is increasing your worries and concerns, it would be helpful to to speak to someone you trust.
Michael's Message of Love and Peace and Caring for each other IS out there!
We can carry it forward, even from The Waiting Room!
L.O.V.E x
