I don’t feel good anymore

[hesouttamylife]

This is Michael’s birthday.  I should be dancing, or so I’m told.  But for reasons unknown, I don’t feel very celebratory this day.  It started off good enough, but as the day moved past noon, I started to feel sad :?  Maybe it is because Michael is silent when we know he loves fun and joy and laughter.  I need to feel him enjoying life apart from us.  Maybe it’s because no one in my life understands my love for him and never cares to indulge my passion.  It’s lonely being the lone guest at a party.  Or maybe, perhaps it’s because there are so many references to his “death” in many of the tributes and tweets today.  All I know is that I don’t feel good anymore.

I stayed away from work because I knew I could not be there today working as usual.  This is a special day.  But in doing so, I let myself be too isolated and thus too subjective to outside influence.  Maybe this isn’t the way to go it. 

I really, really need some Michael supporters in my life.  Gotta find some who are real fans and want to do Michaelist things with me without thinking I’m a lost cause.  Isolation sucks.  I can imagine how Michael must’ve felt on many days.  I sure could use a big ole hug. :cry:

Michael, where are you?   moonwalk_/  don’t walk away and stay away.  Michael, come back.

[everlastinglove_MJ]

I'm sorry that you feel this way today, hesouttamalife. I think it is a little confusing that you should feel joy on Michael's birthday though you feel the opposite. Although, you are certain that Michael is alive, you feel sad and I think all your feelings about Michael, hoax and everything related come together. I'm with you on that, I felt that too a little while ago. I hope you feel much better tomorrow and I hope a hug from me will help a bit
 
                                                              bearhug             

[dragonflylilies]

 bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug  penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/ penguin/

[PureLove]

I totally understand how you feel hesouttamylife. I felt the same today. It's because we do not know where he is and how he is. It is soo sooo hard to celebrate his birthday without seeing his beautiful smile on his beautiful face. I missed him so so much. I don't know how much more I can take. I hope this hoax ends soon and we can be sure he is happy and healthy. This is the most important reason why I want this hoax to end.

Any of my friends are MJ fans and anyone except my mom believes that Michael is alive. The rest of my family think that I'm crazy. But hey, I met some AMAZING people thanks to Michael. I have a new family now who understands me and feel the same with me. And it is not going to stay on the internet only. I'll be meeting one of my believer friends just in a couple of days which is going to be so amazing. She is coming to visit me. And maybe someday we all can meet and visit Michael. So, you say you need real MJ supporters in your life, but you are forgetting about us hesouttamylife? Your fam is here. I don't know what you look like, I don't know what you like to do in your life but I know that you love the same man I love and that is enough for me to love you my dear friend and I'm here with you to love Michael more.  bearhug

[wishingstar]

Dear hesouttamylife.....


I will keep you close in thought and prayer.  I know it's a hard road...this hoax.  I also know we will be better for it.....hold on tight and know we are here for you. 


Blessings to you always........
LOVE U! 

[all4loveandbelieve]

I agree with all of you. This hoax is really getting to us all.. I have never given up hope, I was always positive, and I shall remain that way.. I know some of you and you know who you are do not like me, and I honestly don't care. I haven't done anything to you. Now returning to this hoax. It is very hard, to await someone you love to come back. The key word is to keep busy, doing your little things that makes you happy.

Thank God for my job, that keeps me on my toes, and for my friends that I deal with everyday of my life. I also Thank Michael for this hoax, because if it wasn't for this hoax I wouldn't have met you guys who I adore, and are super nice..

So Please do not give up hope have faith and be positive.
blessings to all
love is the key word.

[suspicious mind]

i think this day is always one of the down days on this ride . for now i will just keep hanging in there a little longer. the trial right now is the thing that keeps me hanging on . i just want some truths here even if i end up not liking them.
by the way is the trial to be televised or not?

[all4loveandbelieve]

i think this day is always one of the down days on this ride . for now i will just keep hanging in there a little longer. the trial right now is the thing that keeps me hanging on . i just want some truths here even if i end up not liking them.
by the way is the trial to be televised or not?

apparently yes.

[darkchild]

My prayers are with you.  I will keep you in my thoughts as well.  The hoax is very hard road to travel, but I will continue, until I have found the Truth. God bless you on MJ's Birthday! bearhug

[hesouttamylife]

 bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug Thanks for the words and for the hugs.  It has been a hard day for me.  Though I tried very hard not to let it get to me, it did, but your kind words have made me feel better. 

When I got up this morning, I lput on my MJ shirt, listened to some upbeat MJ music and decorated my ballonns I was going to let sail away.  The theme, be free to be.  However, releasing those balloons might have been not a wise decision for me.  It seemed once I let them go, it felt I was sending the message that I was letting Michael go.  Go where?  Why?  I kind of wanted them to come back, but I watched as they sailed far away in all directions and disappered, andit made me so, so sad.  I know I won’t be doing that again. :?

I came in and read what people were tweeting for awhile and dag, that was depressing as hell.  Put in a dvd of Michael Live in Japan.  As I watched it, my mind started trippin.  How can I live not knowing if I will never, ever see that face again.  How totally full of life he was and how life changing it must have been for him to have to give it all up.  And so on and so on.  Reminded myself of the song my mind is playing tricks on me, so I turned off everything and the day went downhill from there.

I guess I need some better coping skills, because my mind can take me places that my heart doesn’t want to go.  I am so grateful for this site because for the most part it is always uplifting. I love you all because in actuality, you saved my life when Michael left.  I was a basket case.  You calmed my wandering heart.  Thank you from the bottom of it.   bearhug bearhug

I still don’t think, well let’s be honest, I know that I am still not ready to go back to listening to all the sad music and/or watching the sad videos.  I honestly don’t know when or if I will ever be until Michael gives us the sign.  I’m just scared :|  I’m very scared.  Unwarranted perhaps, but those are my feelings just the same.  If he doesn’t “bam” I pray that he lets us know that he is okay.  I just need to know that he is okay.

So I’m in search of things to do to distract myself when I become too isolated.   The mindis a terrible thing to lose.  Got to keep my sanity.  Too much work still to be done.  As oneof my favorite poems go,  I’ve got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.  Miles to go before I sleep.

So again thank you for being my sounding board.  Saves me a couple of dollars from being placed into the pocket of my therapist.  God knows he’s gotten too much already.   lolol/

I really do appreciate you guys.  You’re family bearhug

[voiceforthesilent]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Thank you for letting us share this struggle with you.  bearhug

I tried to be positive even though it was difficult.

I walked into my doctor's office this afternoon and immediately heard MJ's Man in the Mirror playing in the background. I spoke to the gal at the desk and then sat down in the empty room. I was close enough to her so I calmly said "you know it's his birthday today". She looked at me puzzled and I said "Michael Jackson. It's his birthday today". She turned off the fan that was at her desk and said she didn't hear the music because of the fan. She started to grin at hearing the music. While I was there I heard nothing but MJ and J5 songs. It became apparent that a local station was playing that in honor of Michael's birthday. When I left the office MJ music was still playing and her desk fan was still turned off.

Hearing his music made me smile because three years ago his music would not have been given the place of honor that it is today. I smiled because I know that his legacy is continuing on. I smiled because hearing that music to me is a sign that his history is being rewritten in the minds and hearts of people across the globe.

My niece is getting married in two weeks. We are expecting a large gathering. I was told yesterday by my sister that they requested MJ music to be played just for me. They aren't beLIEvers and they don't understand why I defend him like I do but it's apparent that they respect my beliefs enough to honor me. I'm thrilled because it's in little events like this that new generations will hear and fall in love with Michael.

Yes, I miss Michael deeply. I even tweeted that I wished we could see his face as his millions of fans worldwide wished him happy birthday. For now we will need to believe that he knows he's loved.

Big hugs to each of you. We are in this together to the end. We need to continue our efforts on vindication for Michael and researching the truth. Blessings to you.

[Chinbie]

This is Michael’s birthday.  I should be dancing, or so I’m told.  But for reasons unknown, I don’t feel very celebratory this day.  It started off good enough, but as the day moved past noon, I started to feel sad :?  Maybe it is because Michael is silent when we know he loves fun and joy and laughter.  I need to feel him enjoying life apart from us.  Maybe it’s because no one in my life understands my love for him and never cares to indulge my passion.  It’s lonely being the lone guest at a party.  Or maybe, perhaps it’s because there are so many references to his “death” in many of the tributes and tweets today.  All I know is that I don’t feel good anymore.

I stayed away from work because I knew I could not be there today working as usual.  This is a special day.  But in doing so, I let myself be too isolated and thus too subjective to outside influence.  Maybe this isn’t the way to go it. 

I really, really need some Michael supporters in my life.  Gotta find some who are real fans and want to do Michaelist things with me without thinking I’m a lost cause.  Isolation sucks.  I can imagine how Michael must’ve felt on many days.  I sure could use a big ole hug. :cry:

Michael, where are you?   moonwalk_/  don’t walk away and stay away.  Michael, come back.

yes ,agree:(
yesterday, I was doing a dance tribute to MJ in Hong Kong w/ other mj fans.
but i knew i'm different coz i believe Michael is here and he will be back ,
that time i couldn't share feelings w/ them .
it's very hard.and now is abt 11:30 in HongKong , I'm still not very happy becoz I just really need him
i need him in my life. he is my life
BTW once i watched mj's interviews or video.I want help him .but i can't

[Chinbie]

bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug bearhug Thanks for the words and for the hugs.  It has been a hard day for me.  Though I tried very hard not to let it get to me, it did, but your kind words have made me feel better. 

When I got up this morning, I lput on my MJ shirt, listened to some upbeat MJ music and decorated my ballonns I was going to let sail away.  The theme, be free to be.  However, releasing those balloons might have been not a wise decision for me.  It seemed once I let them go, it felt I was sending the message that I was letting Michael go.  Go where?  Why?  I kind of wanted them to come back, but I watched as they sailed far away in all directions and disappered, andit made me so, so sad.  I know I won’t be doing that again. :?

I came in and read what people were tweeting for awhile and dag, that was depressing as hell.  Put in a dvd of Michael Live in Japan.  As I watched it, my mind started trippin.  How can I live not knowing if I will never, ever see that face again.  How totally full of life he was and how life changing it must have been for him to have to give it all up.  And so on and so on.  Reminded myself of the song my mind is playing tricks on me, so I turned off everything and the day went downhill from there.

I guess I need some better coping skills, because my mind can take me places that my heart doesn’t want to go.  I am so grateful for this site because for the most part it is always uplifting. I love you all because in actuality, you saved my life when Michael left.  I was a basket case.  You calmed my wandering heart.  Thank you from the bottom of it.   bearhug bearhug

I still don’t think, well let’s be honest, I know that I am still not ready to go back to listening to all the sad music and/or watching the sad videos.  I honestly don’t know when or if I will ever be until Michael gives us the sign.  I’m just scared :|  I’m very scared.  Unwarranted perhaps, but those are my feelings just the same.  If he doesn’t “bam” I pray that he lets us know that he is okay.  I just need to know that he is okay.

So I’m in search of things to do to distract myself when I become too isolated.   The mindis a terrible thing to lose.  Got to keep my sanity.  Too much work still to be done.  As oneof my favorite poems go,  I’ve got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.  Miles to go before I sleep.

So again thank you for being my sounding board.  Saves me a couple of dollars from being placed into the pocket of my therapist.  God knows he’s gotten too much already.   lolol/

I really do appreciate you guys.  You’re family bearhug

a very tough time..
wish he has a great great birthday.
this world needs him moonwalk_/ moonwalk_/ moonwalk_/ moonwalk_/
glad to see all of you my hoax frds .
you're all there to share same kind of feelings w/ me
so that i know i am not alone and the only one think mj is alive when others don't agree me party/ party/
with love to you all
and god bless u all!

[GINAFELICIA]

You were not alone.

I also had a very difficult day yesterday, one minute I was happy and next I was sad and blue and almost sick.

When they speak about Mike at TV or radio or news like he is dead I feel so much pain that I can't explain why, why it hurts so much...can someone tell me why it hurts so much...

[gwynned]

Just a quick note of thanks to everyone here for your amazing faith and love.....  I didn't feel particularly down on his birthday, but I must admit to being a bit tired of this all.  I know it's selfish - and all that's required is some patience  and trust - but it can be disheartening when everyone around, including family members, thinks you've lost your mind. 

So again, THANK YOU!!!!!

LOVE to you all!  Who knows.  Perhaps the next birthday will be a REAL celebration and all these little disappointments will fade from our memory.