I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, sweetheart. One of my favorite uncles passed away several years ago on Oct. 27th and I still miss him terribly. I was also very close to my father who passed when I was 28 and he died before my uncle did. I know how you are feeling having lost two of the most important men in your life but no one had the exact relationship you had with them. Honor that. The fact that you are even reaching out to others is a step in the right direction. You will heal. I promise you. Give yourself time.
Here's what's helped me and please don't hesitate to PM me if you need to talk.
One:
You Will Survive
You will get better.
No doubt about it.
The healing process has a beginning, a middle and an end.
Keep in mind, at the beginning, that there is an end. It's not that far off. You will heal.
Nature is on your side, and nature is a powerful ally.
Tell yourself, often, "I am alive. I will survive."
You are alive.
You will survive.
Two:
If You Need It, Get Help at Once
If you think you need help, don't hesitate. Get it at once.
This is not the time to "be brave" and attempt to "go it alone." In fact, it takes great courage to ask for help.
Three:
Acknowledge the Loss
You may struggle to both believe and disbelieve that this could have happened to you. It has happened. It is real. Recognize that a loss has taken place. You may wonder if you are strong enough to bear such a loss. You are strong enough. You are alive. You will survive.
there is nothing to be
done.
only accept it. . .
and hurt.
Four:
You Are Not Alone
Loss is a part of life, of being alive, of being human. Everyone experiences loss. Everyone. Your task is to make the journey from immediate loss to eventual gain as rapidly, smoothly and courageously as possible. Somehow, the camaraderie of mutual suffering eases the pain. You have comrades--almost six billion on this planet alone.
Five:
It's OK to Feel
It's OK to feel numb. Expect to be in shock for awhile. This emotional numbness may be frightening.
It's OK to feel fear. "Will I make it?" "Will I ever love again?" "Will I ever feel good about anything again?" These are familiar fears that follow a loss. It's OK to feel them, but, to the degree you can, don't believe them.
It's OK to feel nothing. There are times when you'll have no feelings of any kind. That's fine.
It's OK to feel anything. You may feel grief-stricken, angry, like a failure, exhausted, muddled, lost, beaten, indecisive, relieved, overwhelmed, inferior, melancholy, giddy, silly, loathful, full of self-hatred, envious, suicidal (feeling suicidal is OK; acting upon the feeling is not), disgusted, happy, outraged, in rage or anything else.
All feelings are part of the healing process.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.
Six:
Be with the Pain
If you're hurting, admit it.
To feel pain after loss is
normal
natural
proof that you are alive
a sign that you are able to respond to life's experiences
Although you may be frightened by it, be with your pain. Feel it. Lean into it. You will not find it bottomless.
It is an important part of the healing process that you be with the pain, experience the desolation, feel the hurt.
Don't deny it or cover it or run away from it. Be with it. Hurt for a while.
See pain as not hurting, but as healing.
Seven:
You're Great!
You are a good, whole, worthwhile human being.
You are OK. You are more than OK, you're great.
Your self-esteem may have suffered a jolt. Your thoughts may reflect some guilt, worry, condemnation or self-deprecation. These thoughts are just symptoms of the stress you are going through.
There is no need to give negative thoughts about yourself the center of your attention.
Don't punish yourself with "if only's." ("If only I had [or hadn't] done this [or that], I wouldn't be in this emotional mess.") Disregard any thought that begins "If only"
You are much more than the emotional wound you are currently suffering. Don't lose sight of that.
Beneath the surface turmoil
you are good
you are whole
you are beautiful
just because you are.
There are 14 parts. See more here: You are not allowed to view links.
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