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Thanks so much to all of you for being vulnerable and sharing your stories. I so identified with all that has been said. I come from a very large family and have always felt isolated and alone. I knew that I wasn't like everyone else and yet I love them so much. Just today I felt I needed to make a decision to take a break from them because I don't seem to be able to be me and still be a part of the family. What is keeping me with them is keeping me from whatever God has for me. It is a terribly hard and frightening decision. But I feel constricted by their constant pressure for me to conform and my inability to share anything with them...including my obsession with this site.Then tonight I stumbled on to this particular topic. It is so comforting to know that there are many more like us out there. If this was Michael's purpose, then the riddle for me has been solved. My unexplainable desire to continue to follow this site for so many months now makes sense. Today I was so distraught and was asking for spiritual strength. I took a walk and listened to Michael's "Keep the Faith" and totally surrendered all the fears and doubts I had about where God wants to take me. Tonight I feel like I have my answer. I hope this thread is continued. I will follow up on the sites listed here. I am excited about hearing more from all of you. Thank you so much. I think what God has for me is bigger than I even imagined.
I think I'm older than most of you so this has been an ongoing theme in my life. Oddly enough, it didn't all come together for me until Michael's "death." I have spent most of my life trying to "fit" in and now I realize I was squandering the innate gifts that God has given. I hope I word this correctly, but there is a verse in the Bible about God being a jealous God. For me, it's as if he demands my time to meditate and listen to his voice. And I spend a great deal of time doing that. Some people call it "intuitive" I just call it listening to his voice. If I do that, there are few "surprises" in my life, meaning I know when things are going to happen, ie an illness that I need to be treated for or a job issue, etc. I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive. I don't think that way so I am childlike in anticipating it or dealing with it. I think God has made me be more alert and mature in those situations over the last few years. So I totally understand Michael and the people who took advantage of him.I have seen a few people post health issues here and one thing that I have noticed is that "our group" tends to have poor immunity issues which manifest in various illnesses. Fortunately, I finally found (or God directed me to) a very good holistic doctor who has addressed both the physical and spiritual needs. Sometimes I think our hyper sensitivity to injustices and evil does cause us to have physical illnesses.Again, thanks to all of you. God had told me he would provide me with a family, I just need to let go of the one that I have. It isn't a healthy enviornment for me. Growing in the knowledge of His love--
I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive. Rita....this comment of yours socked really me in the gut!....I have ALWAYS felt this way!....MY ENTIRE LIFE!...I've always been very "thin skinned", as they say, and always thought I was just being "too sensitive"....I am constantly astounded at the rudeness, callousness and lack of compassion in others...like I just can't even FATHOM what some people must be thinking by the things they say and the way they act!I think this has everything to do with why I have been so drawn to Michael's Story...the utter injustice of it all...it resonates with me so deeply...and yet, surprisingly, I feel something happening to me on a cosmic level...like it has been my destiny all along to find him and allow his life to impact mine so profoundly...I don't know where it is leading other than to say that I feel I might have been chosen to be on the frontlines of something so that I can guide others that will follow behind me on the same path.Can anyone else relate to this or have I just gone off the deep end here?Peace!
Hello family !!! This does make me feel at "home". Thank you, thank you and thank you for this thread. You are all such beautiful and brave lovely souls ! God bless you all !I too felt so alienated as a child that I actually asked my parents if they had adopted me. Even after they tried to convince me that I was their child and that I was home, I did not believe them and cried myself to sleep many times. At one point it got so bad that I wanted to die.Very dramatically, I pulled off my blanket at night in the belief that I would freeze to death !! LOLOLOLI also had that terrible feeling of not being understood. Like I was n`t speaking the same language. Through my hole life I have come to see friends as more close to me than my own family.Except for my childrenWhen I had my own children I felt more happy and content. Children are Gods lights !Today I see these feelings in my childhood as vague remembrances of something far greater. I also have had spiritual experiences. One major in 95 changed me completely. I won`t go into details but I can say that I literally saw the light. I saw it with my eyes opened and with my eyes closed. So I was going to see that light whether I wanted to or not :=) That light was so magnificent, bright and loving that I just do not have words to explain it.The "feeling" that light gave me will always stay with me and always helps me in difficult times. No one in my family believes me. Maybe they are not supposed to. I truly believe we all awaken when we are ready. I think we each get our own personal "signal" that triggers our souls growth.I also believe that classical music is a direct portal to the divine spirit. I have been painting a few years. At one point I started to listen to classical music while painting and the quality of the paintings went sky high. (IMO) :=) Classical music to me is my way of meditating.You can imagine the smile on my face the first time I read that MJ always listened to classical music ! Don`t have to tell me twice ! lolAnyone else here who can relate to this ?Finishing this off I just want to say that I have never been the big fan of MJ. I loved his music for the beat... loved to dance to his music but never listened to the words. Until he disappeared that is, wow I never knew Mj was so spiritual and he has now moved me with his words more than any other. MJ is now "all" I listen to ( with some classical in between ).I would like to thank MJ for all the magnificent music he has given the world and, hopefully, for all the music to come ;=) I am now officially the BIGGEST fan ever !!!Thank you to all for sharing your stories. This means so much to me, I feel great gratitude !Love to you all !
Hi Jaci,I noticed you mentioned that you are a massage therapist. Have you ever worked with children with special needs...primarily high muscle tone, dystonia, etc? I have tired doing some techniques on my daughter but feel I'm either not doing it right or am not doing it enough (but then I worry about over-doing it). Would you be able to offer me any guidance with that? (sorry for being off-topic)With L.O.V.E. always.