I never thought i'd thank anyone for this

[mjfansince4]

i know we've had threads as to what we'd ask michael if we ever got to meet with him face to face. i've thrown that question around in my mind often, and realized my biggest question would be something very personal- how did he forgive his father.

my father, like joe jackson, was abusive. more emotional than physical, but there were instances of physical abuse, one which led to a restraining order. my father, like joe, stepped out on my mother my entire life. he actually left the family twice for other women, but my mother took him back when he inevitably fucked up those relationships. needless to say, my childhood is a string of dark memories.

i know michael endured abuse far worse than me. i am in no way trying to say what i went through is exactly like michael's. however, michael had the courage (and yes, it is courage) to accept his father's past and to forgive.

this forgiveness is something i've struggled with since i've been estranged with my father for 6 years.

two weeks ago a girl ran a red light and crashed into my car, totaling it. i had to go to the hospital and i figured while there i should probably call my dad since he'd find out anyway. i don't know what compelled me to do this- my loss of blood, my shock, or the fact that i have been looking at michael and joe's relationship and reflecting upon it.

it's been two weeks and my father and i talk almost every day after 6 years of silence.

i suppose it's premature to say this is going to be a golden relationship filled with candy and kisses and love, but i just wanted to say thank you to michael. observing your strength and forgiveness really has shown me that i could do it too. what you went through michael was awful, and i understand. i believe that you have found peace with joe, and he's helping you out (maybe giving back for all the years of torment). i suppose you can think of this as an odd "thank you," but your trials and tribulations were not in vain. at least you know you helped one daughter find her way back to forgiveness.

so, thank you.

[MJonmind]

I'm glad you are working through some of the issues with your Dad, and wish God's blessings on your life. And maybe this is helping your Dad to feel whole as well. Michael is helping us all examine our lives, in the light of our peering behind the facade of the perfect Jackson family to the real painful situations there. Perhaps this hoax is bringing healing to each Jackson member.

[lilwendy]

Wow mjfansince4 I'm glad you are alive to tell the story!

Yes! If we allow it, this hoax can be a catalyst for healing in our lives.

If we pay it forward and tell people our stories of growth, this hoax can heal the world, one person at a time.

Thanks mjfansince4 for sharing!

[looking4truth]

Thanks for sharing. Very touching.

[MJ_ForeverandAlways]

Hello

mjfansince4, I would just like to say Thank God that you are here to share your story with us and I'm so sorry for the childhood you experienced. Your childhood should be filled with happy, loving memories not nightmares. Unfortunately that does not occur in many childrens lives.  

I am going to share with you my story of my childhood and my forgiveness of my father and mother. I do not do this for sympathy or for any reason other than to show there is a God and with him all can be forgiven. (That's why I could understand Michael forgiving his father for the things he had done to him.) Without God, I'm not sure I would have survived. He gave me the strength, courage, and faith to keep going, even when I felt so alone and buried in my surroundings.

My Father was a very troubled man who I spent the good part of 44 years being terrified of. My father sexually, physically, and mentally abused me from the earliest I can remember is age 6. After years of hate and bitterness (actually wishing him to die a slow, horrible death) I decided I needed to seek some professional help as my bitterness was consuming me. Through this process I learned it was not only my father who was responsible but also my mother. This was really hard for me to wrap my head around at first as my mom seemed to be my saving grace. But in reality she was the one who was supposed to protect me from everything and anything. Anyway through the therapy sessions I learned that 1. I needed to forgive myself and realize I was just a child and did nothing to warrant this kind of abuse. 2. If I didn't come to terms with this hate and bitterness it was going to consume me and utterly destroy me. I spent the next couple of years being angry at BOTH my parents for doing this to me. My mother was also abused by my father, as well as my one of my sisters.

Then my mom became ill with cancer, and I spent hours talking to her trying to get the answers and closure I needed to forgive her and put my childhood behind me. Well I did get my answers, but most of all my mom finally admitted that she did wrong by me and told me she was sorry. And for the first time in my 40+ years I knew she actually meant it! My mom passed away from cancer on Oct. 7, 2006.

A year later I got a call from my aunt, my dad's sister (which I had been spending a lot of time talking to about my father). She told me my father had been life flighted to a hospital about 50 miles from me and that he wasn't doing good. I never hesitated or thought twice about going.

I need to back up a bit, I spent my whole teen/adult life avoiding and never wanting to see that man (my father) ever! He made me so nervous that I would actually get physically sick and would shake uncontrollably, I was so scared of him. He terrified me to no end even though I hadn't seen him since I was 19. He never, ever admitted to doing anything wrong and actually had said at times that I brought it on myself and told me the reason why he did what he did to me is because I was so much like my mom.

Anyway, I got off the phone and called my 2 middle sisters and told them. My next to the youngest sister wanted to go with me to the hospital. My husband and oldest son thought I was crazy and to this day still do not understand why I gave him the time of day.

I do not know how to describe how I was feeling, except I know that God was with me and guiding me through it all! I was not scared or even nervous when I got there and that was so not the case in the past. I stood at his bedside when I got there and they had him on life support. He had a tube down his throat and could not talk just move his lips. When he opened his eyes and saw me I actually think he thought I was there to harm him he looked so scared, my father was never scared of anyone. I told him I was not there to hurt him, that I loved him and wanted to be there if it was ok, and he nodded yes. When he saw that I meant no harm to him, tears streamed down his face. I started telling him that I was sorry I wasted so many years of our lives by staying away, and he instantly started to shake his head no (as if he was very upset to hear me apologizing). He mouthed to me that he was so, so very sorry and begged me to forgive him.

Those are the things I had waited to hear or (in this case) see my whole life, and I knew he meant it! Anyway my father had cancer also and 4 days after being flown to the hospital, I, as his oldest daughter had to make the decision to take him off life support. My father died peacefully on that day in Jan, 2008.  I can not describe to you the peace I have had since that night with my father. It was like all the bad things in my childhood had been erased and replaced with the good memories. You see I was my fathers boy. lol He had 4 daughters, and I was his tom boy. He taught me so many things that I am so thankful for today. I know how to work on a car, I know how to do carpenter work, we had honey bees and he taught me about them. I learned how to hunt and fish and to take care of myself. Thank you Dad! And thanks to mom I learned at a very early age how to cook, clean, do laundry...all those things we like to do so much!  Thanks Mom!

I still have people tell me that they don't know how I could forgive my dad or mom for what they did to me, and I tell them it is not for them to understand, it's something that "I" had to do for me and my parents and that we, and God are the only ones it need to make sense too!! I would not change my life, as it was the building blocks for the person I am today. I broke the cycle of abuse in my family..yes my father was abused also by his father. I vowed at a very early age I would never be my parents, and while I am not perfect...there is two things my 3 children know for certain. 1. That they are my life and I would give my life for any of them and 2. They never have to wonder if I love them. I shower them with hugs, kisses, and I love you's all the time....yes they get tired of it sometimes, but they never have to wonder like I did whether they matter to their parents or not. I find it ironic, that both my mom & dad died of cancer and they were both 64 years old when they passed...hmm...makes me wonder sometimes.  :cry:

I have always felt a connection to Michael as I felt he knew what I was going through as a child, as well as knowing how he felt somewhat. Thank you Michael for sharing your story with us and letting  all of us know that we unfortunately were not alone and the only ones suffering abuse. I LOVE YOU MORE!!  

I apologize for this being so long, please forgive me. It's my hope that it helps someone.. somewhere know that forgiveness is possible if you have faith & love in your heart!   Thanks for listening!!

Love & Blessings to all!!
Keep the FAITH!!

[finfin]

@MJ_ForeverandAlways and @ mjfansince4, your posts reminded me of the saying "To err is human, to forgive is divine" Thank you for your posts, they were very moving.

[MJ_ForeverandAlways]

Thank you finfin.....yes that quote is very fitting!!

Forgiving the wrongs against you gives one such peace within. It took me a long time to understand and utilize that concept, but I give thanks to God above that I did. Without him being with me guiding me through it all I would still be carrying all that hate and bitterness with me that made me so miserable. And I thank God that he gave me the strength to endure and the ability to forgive so that both my parents left this world knowing I loved them and they had my forgiveness.  No words can describe that feeling of such peacefulness. My heart is no longer heavy with hate, just love and appreciation for the 2 people who brought me into this world, my Mother & Father! May they rest in peace & know that I loved them very much!

Thanks again finfin for reading my long post, much love & hugs to you!

Love & Blessings to All!
Keep the Faith
Michael....I LOVE You MORE!!  

[MJ_ForeverandAlways]

i know we've had threads as to what we'd ask michael if we ever got to meet with him face to face. i've thrown that question around in my mind often, and realized my biggest question would be something very personal- how did he forgive his father.

my father, like joe jackson, was abusive. more emotional than physical, but there were instances of physical abuse, one which led to a restraining order. my father, like joe, stepped out on my mother my entire life. he actually left the family twice for other women, but my mother took him back when he inevitably fucked up those relationships. needless to say, my childhood is a string of dark memories.

i know michael endured abuse far worse than me. i am in no way trying to say what i went through is exactly like michael's. however, michael had the courage (and yes, it is courage) to accept his father's past and to forgive.

this forgiveness is something i've struggled with since i've been estranged with my father for 6 years.

two weeks ago a girl ran a red light and crashed into my car, totaling it. i had to go to the hospital and i figured while there i should probably call my dad since he'd find out anyway. i don't know what compelled me to do this- my loss of blood, my shock, or the fact that i have been looking at michael and joe's relationship and reflecting upon it.

it's been two weeks and my father and i talk almost every day after 6 years of silence.

i suppose it's premature to say this is going to be a golden relationship filled with candy and kisses and love, but i just wanted to say thank you to michael. observing your strength and forgiveness really has shown me that i could do it too. what you went through michael was awful, and i understand. i believe that you have found peace with joe, and he's helping you out (maybe giving back for all the years of torment). i suppose you can think of this as an odd "thank you," but your trials and tribulations were not in vain. at least you know you helped one daughter find her way back to forgiveness.

so, thank you.

Hello mjfansince4 Just wanted to check in on you to see how things were going between yourself and your Dad?  I hope and pray everything is working out the way you want it to in regards to your relationship with him. LOVE & Blessings to you Dear

[mjfansince4]

i know we've had threads as to what we'd ask michael if we ever got to meet with him face to face. i've thrown that question around in my mind often, and realized my biggest question would be something very personal- how did he forgive his father.

my father, like joe jackson, was abusive. more emotional than physical, but there were instances of physical abuse, one which led to a restraining order. my father, like joe, stepped out on my mother my entire life. he actually left the family twice for other women, but my mother took him back when he inevitably fucked up those relationships. needless to say, my childhood is a string of dark memories.

i know michael endured abuse far worse than me. i am in no way trying to say what i went through is exactly like michael's. however, michael had the courage (and yes, it is courage) to accept his father's past and to forgive.

this forgiveness is something i've struggled with since i've been estranged with my father for 6 years.

two weeks ago a girl ran a red light and crashed into my car, totaling it. i had to go to the hospital and i figured while there i should probably call my dad since he'd find out anyway. i don't know what compelled me to do this- my loss of blood, my shock, or the fact that i have been looking at michael and joe's relationship and reflecting upon it.

it's been two weeks and my father and i talk almost every day after 6 years of silence.

i suppose it's premature to say this is going to be a golden relationship filled with candy and kisses and love, but i just wanted to say thank you to michael. observing your strength and forgiveness really has shown me that i could do it too. what you went through michael was awful, and i understand. i believe that you have found peace with joe, and he's helping you out (maybe giving back for all the years of torment). i suppose you can think of this as an odd "thank you," but your trials and tribulations were not in vain. at least you know you helped one daughter find her way back to forgiveness.

so, thank you.

Hello mjfansince4 Just wanted to check in on you to see how things were going between yourself and your Dad?  I hope and pray everything is working out the way you want it to in regards to your relationship with him. LOVE & Blessings to you Dear

oh thank you! and your story is incredibly touching. it brought tears to my eyes. people go through so much, but we're so much stronger than we realize. you are an amazing person!

i saw my dad for the first time about 3 weeks ago. it was awkward at first, but baby steps right? i still have my boundaries up, and forgiveness is a long, long process, but at least i'm on that road.

are you doing alright? i hope you have a wonderful holiday!!

[katy (MJFAN7)]

this is such a beautiful story. thank you for sharing. Michael truly has a beautiful soul. thank you mjfansince4.