ANGRY at Michael.

[DancingTheDream]

Hi.

Having an off day so wanted to write this thread.  Im sure im not the only one to feel and think these things from time to time.

Before you read on, i love Michael and i know all the adversities that he has had in his life and also all the lies, the media slurs,  etc....   I have learnt to read between the lines and take a lot of stuff with a pinch of salt.

I love him and miss him and this year has been so difficult in so many ways.  I cannot let go of the idea of the hoax due to all the evidence which led me here in the first place.

However, there are un-deniable voices in my head which tell me he has died, and i am in denial and that people are playing games with our heads.  Know what i mean?

I think i wont be able to rest until i know the truth and i am hoping that the trial will bring the truth to light.

Thing is.. i have been thinking this lately...

If it turns out to be true that Michael willingly took Propofol that morning...  and that he knew what it was and that he knew the risks...  and that he begged and demanded it...  then i will be so ANGRY with him!

No matter what was wrong with MJ.  No matter what pressures he was under...  no matter how unhappy he was.. if he made that decision knowing the risks then i will be angry as hell.

If its true that the nurse warned him not to take it and showed him a medical book with all the risks in it, and he ignored her.. i will be ANGRY!

Even if Michael didnt care anymore.  If he was depressed and didnt care about himself, or his wider family or his fans or his image, etc....    the three things that should have stopped him taking those drugs are his three children.
Three children now left (effectively) orphaned, confused and alone in a World they have been sheltered from and will be unable to live obscure and normal lives due to the fact they are Michaels children.

Michael knew the pain of a robbed childhood.  He wanted to give his children what he didnt have..  an idyllic and care free childhood.   Now those children have grief and pain and loss to deal with.  Blanket doesnt even know who his mother is.. he is all alone in this.  Makes me mad!!!!

If its true that Prince witnessed Michael being given CPR, then that is a memory and a scar that will last a lifetime.

I worry those children will go off the rails when they are older.  When they fully understand what happened, if they find out their father took extremely dangerous drugs to sleep and left them all alone in the world to cope with the aftermath...  i fear they will go off the rails or fall into despair and depression.

Michael had it all.  He had fame and talent and riches and love..  loved by the world and loved by those three children whom he decided to raise as a lone father.   I will be so god damn ANGRY if it turns out he died and he died needlessly because he demanded drugs.

Im sorry for the rant.. i hope some people here understand.  I think this is part of my grief and struggle to understand what is happening to me and to the World.  Nothing makes sense anymore.

[mumof3]

I do understand
I feel the same and today is a bad day for me as well in fact one of the worse for some unknown reason
I just keep thinking Michael got to powerfull the first time then the child abuse case comes up then a few years down the line he gets to powerfull again and another child abuse accusation is thrown at him it nearly kills him and of course it was all a  lie,he goes away and tries to get over it and get his health back then he regroups and tii is announced and the rehearsals start and power is back for him big time he is going to be bigger than ever he is trying to change the world he is going to talk and say some very important things to us he is getting to powerfull and then the 25th
I was thinking about this all day as we all have he either excaped or was murdered I just cant believe he was willing to cheat his poor children of a father or not realise the danger of the stuff he was supposed to have taken it is just the thought of somebody getting in there and pumping with the stuff that worries me so much sorry to be miserable today but just an off day .
I still feel it is more of an escape  for his life more than anything at the moment

[whatyourheartsays]

i understand how you feel cause i felt exactly the same back in the 90's when Michael had addiction problems at this time. I felt "angry" i must say...because i thought Michael had to be stronger than that. but then i just felt i was wrong, and told myself Michael is only human, can be frail, can make mistakes, and so i loved him more, because i felt he needed it.

"Angry" is a selfish feeling created of what you wished Michael to be, for his kids, for the world, for you... Just try to get back to the LOVE he needs, as a man, as a father, as a non perfect human being.

[~Souza~]

Are you serious?

I don't understand this at all.

First of all I need to say that IF this is not a hoax (which is impossible in my opinion, but that aside) it would clearly be murder. Many people have stated that he was in great shape, that he was excited and not a druggie. The story doesn't make sense at all, so if you choose to believe it's not a hoax, then you should at least think someone killed him (although that wouldn't make sense at all, see TS update #4).

I haven't seen the kids grieving and heart broken the past year, quite the contrary. They look happy, strong and healthy. Mike was in great health and great shape according to Lou and his own brother Jermaine. You may not like him, fine by me, but he is his brother and one of the most reliable sources. That or he and the rest of the family are all cold hearted and none of them loved Mike, I don't buy that for a second.

I wish his fans would give him more credit and listen to what he has to say, instead of what the media says. He should have taught you that by now and you shouldn't even consider this.

[hesouttamylife]

Wow, this is great. You guys have got balls, I'll give you that.  And I love it :D

I understand what you feel because I have been there a time or so myself.  I wasn't angry about it, but it made me wonder, how could he.  However, I believe if Michael died, he was killed as a part of a conspiracy and the drug thing blown out of proportion to cover it up.

I was angry though with Michael when he told Bashir about the children sleeping in his bed.  I was furious that he allowed himself to trust this person with that information, even though I know Michael wasn't a pedophile.  It opened him up to the worse scrutiny possible, especially since he had been previously, publicly accused.  My worst fears came true when he was accused again and this time charged.  They painted him as a homosexual pedophile and it hurt like hell.  I felt like he told this man too much, way too much.  He was a reporter for heaven's sake and all he really wanted was a story, the biggest story of the century.  And dammit, he got it.

[a18wheelslady]

well said Souza   :D
there is nothing that could or would make me mad.
he is only human

[alovesmichael]

Gosh, when you put it like that I just want to drown in sorrow again  :cry: . I do however understand where you're coming from because if that would turn out to be the case, it was indeed very very irresponsible of him. On the other hand I could never be angry with Michael, ever! How could I after all the joy he has given me? He sacrificed a lot of himself in order to bring beauty to this world, and somehow I just can't be angry with him for being human even if it lead to the end  :( .

I do however feel angry sometimes or perhaps very frustrated with how things have turned out. I'm just not completely sure where I'm directing that anger or frustration, the world? mankind? destiny? The hardest feeling to handle is the feeling of helplessness that comes afterwards...

We've heard that Michael had used this drug before and if he really was begging for it I'd assume he was addicted to it, not a very far-fetched assumption considering his alleged abuse of pain meds. Now, when it comes to addiction we how to understand that it knows no reason. I've unfortunately experienced it up-close. It was emotionally and mentally draining. Trying to understand, trying to help, the anger, the sadness, the frustration, it really isn't something one can just leave behind in a day just like that. I think we know that wealth does not necessarily bring happiness and people just have different ways of dealing with their hurt... The doctors should've refused him those things but thing is Michael would probably always have been able to get it somewhere else. And right here lies a huge part of my anger. It all comes down to MONEY.

Nowdays I see no convincing argument for a hoax and don't get me wrong I wish more than anything that Michael was still here with us but sadly it doesn't seem like he is  :cry:  :cry: In the end I believe that all the inconsistencies will be proved (hopefully) to be the result of evil, who's source is money... I just want the truth, I don't care if it's a hoax, or conspiracy or whatever, I just want to know!

[whatyourheartsays]

Wow, this is great. You guys have got balls, I'll give you that.  And I love it :D

I understand what you feel because I have been there a time or so myself.  I wasn't angry about it, but it made me wonder, how could he.  However, I believe if Michael died, he was killed as a part of a conspiracy and the drug thing blown out of proportion to cover it up.

I was angry though with Michael when he told Bashir about the children sleeping in his bed.  I was furious that he allowed himself to trust this person with that information, even though I know Michael wasn't a pedophile.  It opened him up to the worse scrutiny possible, especially since he had been previously, publicly accused.  My worst fears came true when he was accused again and this time charged.  They painted him as a homosexual pedophile and it hurt like hell.  I felt like he told this man too much, way too much.  He was a reporter for heaven's sake and all he really wanted was a story, the biggest story of the century.  And dammit, he got it.

Yes but Michael just wanted really bad that people finally knew who he was. I think he was trusting this guy, hoping to have a possibility to finally open his heart and make people see who he was. To do so, he had to trust and give a lot about himself. He was of course wrong, but i think he really wanted to do this. He trusted Bashir because of the interview of Lady Diana he made.

When media can be a way to show you're not a "wacko", wouldn't you take the chance ? I think Michael maybe hoped he could turn the journalist into a good man during his stay in Neverland. He maybe thought he would manage to make him change and speak the truth, just by showing him a part of his privacy to proove who he really was at this time. Hw could you get the best of someone if you don't put your trust in him ? Michael thought it was possible with Bashir, he was wrong. But we cannot blame him for still having hope in human nature...

[whatyourheartsays]

Are you serious?

I don't understand this at all.

First of all I need to say that IF this is not a hoax (which is impossible in my opinion, but that aside) it would clearly be murder. Many people have stated that he was in great shape, that he was excited and not a druggie. The story doesn't make sense at all, so if you choose to believe it's not a hoax, then you should at least think someone killed him (although that wouldn't make sense at all, see TS update #4).

I haven't seen the kids grieving and heart broken the past year, quite the contrary. They look happy, strong and healthy. Mike was in great health and great shape according to Lou and his own brother Jermaine. You may not like him, fine by me, but he is his brother and one of the most reliable sources. That or he and the rest of the family are all cold hearted and none of them loved Mike, I don't buy that for a second.

I wish his fans would give him more credit and listen to what he has to say, instead of what the media says. He should have taught you that by now and you shouldn't even consider this.

Wasn't it said that Michael was sleeping while Murray went to the bathroom, and that Murray said Michael surely woke up and got an extra shoot by himself, which seem really impossible when you see how people behave while under anesthesia...how could he, in a few minutes time, wake up, realise he only slept for small time, get angry, find drug and get himseld a new injection...all this while just woke up from anesthesia ???

Makes no sense !! If Michael got to sleep for never to wake up, he surely didn't do that himself !!
Anyway, if it truly happen, please remember that drug addiction is not a CHOICE. Michael surely didn't want his kids to be left alone, his familly to be sad, his fans to be sad...if he was drug addicted, he surely wasn't responsible and needed HELP, more than "criticism" (cannot spell it tonight lol)

[hesouttamylife]

No, no, no (waving my arms in the air like in This Is Is - one of my fave moments) :D as soon as he said that i jumped up and screamed at the television.  I was like Michael, don't trust this dude.  I just could not believe he had just said that.  As soon as he did, it seemed Bashir had a little smirk on his face and dollar signs in his eyes.  I understood Michael's need to get his story out, but God, my heart skipped a couple of beats when he said that.  I wanted to get in the tv and shake him, and then give him a big ole hug :(

[whatyourheartsays]

this is the moment you wish to be Will Smith in Men in Black and get this little red light and
FLASH Bashir and :

"Mr Bashir, you've heard nothing at all, you are pretty happy of your stay at Neverland and you're gonna make a nice documentary about Michael Jackson....hum, Michael, you wanna say something more ? What, you want Bashir to make the whole documentary with pop corn in his nose ? Hum don't you think that's gonna be too much ?"  :lol:

[hesouttamylife]

:lol: ya know, right! :lol:

[lilwendy]

I have to say I have had these feelings from time to time but all joking aside, it's usually when I'm PMSing and not thinking clearly! LOL So I just chalk it up to crazy hormones and wait for those to regulate!  :lol:

Seriously though, I do get these thoughts, but all I have to do is review why I thought there was a hoax in the first place, why I came to this site, sometimes I pretend I've never been on this site and I read the sections for new people, and then I come to my senses.

There is just way too much in my mind showing me that Michael is alive, his death was a hoax, and we are part of the greatest demonstration of freedom!  :lol:

However, I do want to thank you for being courageous enough to voice your doubts because this is the place to do it.  Too many people get doubts, don't talk about it, don't work through things, and just fade away from what I believe is a great work we all need to do.

Hang in there hun...

[Im_convincedmjalive]

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/stages-of-grief.html

THE STAGES OF GRIEF
Understanding the Grief Cycle

"We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else".
--- Sigmund Freud (1961)

The stages of grief...

Whether you are a religious or spiritual soul or not, once you have actually gotten through the work of mourning, you'll look back on it all with wonder. Right now, you won't understand this, but in retrospect, you'll be forced to admit it is a miraculously designed process. There is a good reason for each step or stage of the grief process.

Grief  doesn't actually follow a neat little progression of stages or cycles. It's much messier than that. It's a very complicated and personal thing. There will be a lot of regression, or backtracking to earlier "stages" or "tasks". And that's okay. It just means you weren't yet finished, and are fully working it through in your own way.
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The stages of grief...

We give here a brief overview of the "grief stages" so you will understand better what is happening to you, and what to expect in the future. There are several "theories" about how grief works, and experts have proposed several working models. We present four of the most commonly utilized models below.

We suggest you read about them all, as they make for interesting reading, and each one adds a little bit more insight. But remember, these are just models, just scholars trying to get their minds around one of the most complicated emotional processes of the human experience.

And keep these points in mind as you read:

See, you're really not going crazy!

Many others have had to travel this hard road before you. You are not alone.

Grief is a long-term process, and you will have good days and bad.

There is hope-- brighter days lie ahead for you.

You will never return to your pre-grief state, but you will eventually find joy in life in new ways that you invent.

There really are no true "stages of grief" and no time frame for mourning.
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http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

7 STAGES OF GRIEF
Through the Process and Back to Life

The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".

Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.

For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.

Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".

Grief is hard!
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Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
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Hi,

I pray that the feelings you are having will pass quickly for you. In the meantime if you find it difficult to get through a day and your feeling blue, I pray that you will find this info I posted to be of help to you.

Don't worry it gets greater later.  :D

I wish I could give you and anyone else who goes through these bad days some of my strength in my belief and faith that Michael is 100% alive and doing great.  ;)

What you are experiencing is normal and it doesn't mean that you are weak, it means your human. Humans have emotions/feelings and not all of them are nice and fuzzy, embracing your feelings and acknowledging them, confronting them and finally accepting them is a healthy process to finally be at peace.

:mrgreen:

[whatyourheartsays]

So what do i do if i got the seven stages, and that HOPE is "HOPE for Michael to be alive"....

Cause i really was convinced he died, i worked on myself to move on, and really learned about those "stages"...after that i decided to act and share with people about Michael, and do something to make the world better. But then, as i was ok with it, i found evidences about Michael being alive, studied them with a clear mind and was convinced that Michael is alive.

So can we still talk about grieving and denial for believer  :roll: