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Messages - 50thstatebeliever
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16
« on: June 08, 2010, 01:22:15 PM »
Ok now why'd you have to make me cry?!!! lol...jeeeez....my sighs can never be deep enough , you know? I'm sighing all over again and wiping my eyes. The thing is, Michael was only human - if he is gone. And if he is still alive, he is still only human, and one day - we all have to leave this world...we will have to accept the fact that he is only human flesh - and just as helpless as we are, when it comes to God's calling...But I pray that he is still alive so we can bask in Michael's greatness for years to come...
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« on: June 08, 2010, 01:10:54 PM »
Hey, nobody has a right to get upset at any of you for slowly feeling as though you are losing the hope/faith. It is just a natural way of yourself, in defense - in case the ultimate bad news surfaces - it's your mental mode, your way of protecting yourself from a really bad shock and fall. Families who have missing children also go through this - they have days of strong faith, then they have periods when they feel as though they are just dragging on a fantasy, built on denial of truth.
My emotions now are sort of "away" from the core of what used to be everything MJ. I do ponder lightly on what is to come - but I think my defense mechanism is allowing me to sort of be passive to what used to be anxiety for me. I look at the calendar each day, and know that the day is coming soon. But at the same time, my defense mechanism is not allowing me to get carried away or excited or fanatical about this summer...in case I have to fall really hard, I suppose. Once recently, I even thought, "If you want to see a UFO, that's what you'll see out there - if you want to see oddities surrounding Michael's so called death, that's what you'll see. If you want to see the facts, without any hoax, without any conspiracies, without any bigger than life stories of his mysterious hiding - that is what you'll see, the facts, that he really is dead...but you refuse to see the facts, because you want to believe in anything that can be gathered as odd - unexplainable - and the unanswered questions are enough to prove to you that he is not dead...but maybe he really is dead - you just don't want to accept it." Then that down day will pass, and I start telling myself that it's only a matter of days now...have a good summer, and if it happens, it happens - if it doesn't, then come fall, you can decide what to do with your heart. That is what I tell myself now. It's going to be about what to do with my heart - not about what proves this or that....
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« on: May 05, 2010, 12:43:31 AM »
I think Michael will reveal himself in some sort of split second appearance at some preplanned event, but not an event for him persay. It will be one of those split second appearances where people will only have a second to realize it's him, giving out his peace sign - and then the entire media world will have that footage of a split second 'showing' of himself, and the question will be all over the media, tv, etc., like "Was that Michael Jackson himself? Or just another impersonator?" but then the insanity of it will be that none of the famous impersonators will claim to have been there, and the fans all over will say after viewing the footage, that it WAS NOT AN IMPERSONATOR, and that it WAS the king of pop HIMSELF IN LIVE FLESH...and that will be the whole insane question of the year, was it really him, no doubt? If so, where is he at the moment? Why did he show himself? There is a reason? What is his plan now? When will we next see him? How can this be? And the world will demand more - and then it will be like a 'sign' of more to come, very soon.
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« on: May 04, 2010, 01:58:42 AM »
Hey...I'm sorry you're feeling down. What caught me most was the end of your post, where you wondered why you weren't feeling up and happy for your artwork that you did so great on! I think you have too many negative tapes going on in your head - from everyone around you, or especially those specific people that keep feeding you negativity, as though you are nothing but a disappointment with one thing or another. You know, my mom told me something when I was little, that I carry through my life, even as an adult. She taught me that when someone has nothing good to say about me, it's because that person is unhappy inside. Dissatisfaction with oneself, always comes out in the way that person sees other people. Like seeing through yellow tinted sunglasses - what will you see? Things in yellow tint. Rose tinted glasses? You'll see things in Rose tint. Same thing. The soul, the heart, carries so many emotions. When a person is subconciously unhappy with the way things are in their lives, when they are not satisfied about themselves, whatever it may be - they are prone to start pointint out faults of other people around them. This is to compensate for their own feelings of short comings. Most times they don't realize they are doing it, but that's where it comes from. So my mom always said, "Whenever someone cuts you down, just turn the other way and when you're alone, say a prayer for them, to heal their bitter heart - and then thank God for your happy heart, because when you're happy, you give happiness to others." Hope you feel better tomorrow...here's a great song/video to watch. It's the Spike Lee version video of MJ's "On the Line"... You are not allowed to view links.
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20
« on: May 01, 2010, 04:45:17 AM »
I think it IS Michael in the photo where his face is totally covered by the black cloth and he's holding hands, walking in a doorway with the girl in white short shorts and a black blouse...look at his hand - NOBODY has the skin tone and slight translucent condition of skin like Michael - or at least, it would be VERY hard to find a guy that has that same condition of skin tone as Michael's. Not only are Michael's hands pale, but his skin has that blotchy slightly translucent quality to it. And as far as size of body goes, MJ has many times appeared in photos to be larger than he actually is depending on the clothing he is wearing. Some of these 'rare' pics on this forum even show pics of MJ in shirts that are so huge and wide, it makes him look like he's fat. Stance - well I've seen MJ in photos where he's casually got one hand in a pocket. Nothing odd about stance here - I believe this is MJ. His hand/skin tone condition gives it away. You can't mimic something like that easily.
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« on: April 30, 2010, 11:45:44 PM »
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Register or LoginI don't think that's a new photo.
Look at the link I pasted above. From our website here - Scroll down till you see the pic of MJ below the pic of a young Michael shooting basketball. The next photo AFTER the basketball pic looks like it is the same era/even day or week of Michael - his makeup, his hairline, his nose, everything...(
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« on: April 30, 2010, 11:36:37 PM »
He does look nice in mustard yellow. It's interesting I noticed the photo in front of the elephant - he is wearing on top, an Arab "Bisht". It's a long black thin cloak, with no buttons or closure in front. (some come in beige, cream, brown, but mostly black) It's worn during formal occasions by men on top of their long white traditional "Thobes". He must have gotten it from someone in the Gulf Arab countries, or during his stay/visits there. I like his unique twist on wearing it..
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« on: April 28, 2010, 04:13:51 AM »
Greenman, you'll be alright. I feel it. It might take some time, but you'll be ok. I sense that you can make it through, and you don't have to have all the answers before you right now. That's what life is, a journey - and we pick up the clues along the way, bit by bit, and each piece helps us go further ahead. If you ever get sick of the adjustments to the meds, do try the capsules from GNC. I swear - they are so good. And you don't have to worry about it being like chemical meds/prescriptions, because they are natural and safe. If I ever get to the low point again, I might go and get myself a bottle again, but thank God I haven't needed it for over a year.
I understand when you said you saw him in you - of course you felt it all crumble when he passed away. Would you believe I made myself my own MJ bracelet out of red string cord weaved, and black and white colored beads - I wear it to remember his strength. I never forget to put it on when I go to the gym. It helps me get through all the exercise I do. To me, those are great MJ colors - red, black and white. My fave colors of MJ.
A friend of mine had a dream the other month of MJ. She said she watched him sleeping, and when he awoke, he said smiling, "boy, I haven't slept like that in soo long, it felt good! I can always sleep better when you're around..thanks." and that was it. She thinks it's just a dream, I think maybe it's a sign. Anyway, I think about how you're doing every now and then and I send out positive thoughts and prayers...to help you on your way, each day. Hope is all about the mindset. Remember that. What we tell ourselves in our heads is the most powerful tool - and also can be the most powerful weapon against our own sense of peace and success. Be strong and carry on...that is great that you impersonated MJ for the joy of it. Wish I could. LOL...that is a funny thought, imagining myself doing that. HA HA HAH. :lol: :shock: wish I could've seen you do your MJ moves. Have a great day Greenman. Peace.
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« on: April 28, 2010, 01:42:27 AM »
8 more weeks to go you guys...it's not that long. I am just anticipating SOME KIND OF news...something...bits, pieces, more to add to the completion of the mystery...Somewhere deep inside, I still have an ounce of hope left. Or I wouldn't be coming back on this site at all. That's how I figure it. What about everyone else out there? Hanging on by a thread? (excuse the pun) I'll exit this page with a nice thought: I love the way Michael did his slight wiggle of his head, while walking slightly with his feet pointing a bit outwards during a number..so what's your fave MJ move/nuance???
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« on: April 28, 2010, 01:29:51 AM »
Greenman -http]have you seen this on youtube? Watch carefully from 4:26 minutes onwards. do you know the interpretation of MJ's hand signs? I didn't until I saw this today. It gave me a boost - I know that inside, I don't really want to let go of my belief. Most times I tell myself, it's only a matter of weeks until June 25th...and if nothing, then August 29th...aren't I willing to at least wait for those days? And then at the same time, I am afraid that being optimistic again, will only make me fall harder then, if nothing happens...It's so weird because when I watch MJ - I feel like I host his energy inside me - I don't mean I'm an impersonator or anything like that - I can't even dance. BUT...what I mean is it's as though the 'spirit' and 'energy' that a professional impersonator who is dancing and lipsynching has - I feel that energy inside, just watching MJ. It's hard to explain...and then when I get to thinking that he may be gone forever - that energy dies...like someone had cut off the main valve...
Can I ask what you do each day for a living? What's your life background - family? There was a time before this whole MJ incident - that I had been going through emotional downs alot. I didn't want to take prescription meds for it, so I opted for a natural remedy and went to GNC and bought a bottle of St. John's Wort capsules. herbs...anyway I started taking them and it worked sooo well, I was amazed. And it had no side effects on me. It was as though someone had changed the color lens on the way I filter my daily life through my eyes, and I just went through each day feeling great. It wasn't like a 'giddy' kind of fabricated feeling like "ok, what are YOu on today?" no - it was a very natural sense of contentment, and the things that used to get me down, just the overall 'sheet' of heaviness and depression that hovered over me, felt like it was lifted and gone. Things that normally triggered my depression DID NOT even bother me any longer...I don't need to use it anymore - I haven't used it even when this whole MJ thing started. I never thought of using it, it never crossed my mind. Maybe subconciously I don't want to be cut free from the drama that I go through each day? I don't know...sometimes I think I am sooo "Capricorn", which I am...but it's like I do love the depth that comes with my character, because it makes life that much more interesting...maybe I'm my worst enemy...don't know...
For me right now, getting physcial exercise on a regular basis, getting my heart rate up and working out seems to help my mood elevate, pretty good. I think it's true that getting extra oxygen in and out promotes a healthier mood. It works for me. Greenman - just think about the well known MJ impersonators out there - imagine their lives, if we think ours have lost MJ...imagine what they feel - if the one that fed their soul to be what they are and do what they do - gone like that...I'd be devastated. what would be the strength for them to continue doing what they do? They not only breathed and lived MJ, but they were in a way, MJ in their own sense of reality.
Are you afraid of being let down this summer? Is that why you don't have the optimism anymore? Sometimes I think we are more afraid of fear itself - than the actual reality that life will bring us, because we don't know our own strengths, our own capabilities. I'm slowly beginning to grab on tighter to the faith again that MJ will truly SHOCK the hell out of us, in his time. And maybe I should not worry about how I am going to deal with th elet down if the let down happens...you can't go and live life predicting every single step, how we are going to feel or react or handle things. Imagine if Michael had to think about every step he would be taking next, every reaction he would be facing, every set back he would have to deal with in life - he wouldn't have survived all that he did, NO WAY. I believe that most often, he had to just LIVE. Just LIVE without thinking about the dominoe effect of how his feelings were going to affect the outcome. An old NIKe ad reminds me of a great statement: "JUST DO IT". Babies, when they first learn to start walking, can learn because they FEAR NOTHING. They don't have a set place in their minds that hold doubt, and restrain them from TRYING. We on the other hand, have the unfortunate element of fear from knowledge and wisdom from experiences. So fear often stops us from removing doubt and holds us back from improvement. Believe in yourself, Greenman, before god can work on you, through you. - He can't help you see if you keep your eyes closed...lots of doors may have shut, but there are still windows that can be opened and we can crawl out through them if we ADAPT ourselves to crawl through those smaller spaces...
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« on: April 27, 2010, 01:41:04 AM »
Hey "Greenman.."sorry to hear you are having a hard time with different areas right now...someone in the thread earlier, suggested that I go and do something positive, even the smallest of things - to help a stranger in need. I do agree with that - doing positive things for someone else, especially someone who is a stranger and did not expect you to come and do something for them - really plants a seed of positive hope in your heart. And alot of times, depression or negativity feeds upon itself - like a reflection of negativity will respond back in negativity. It then becomes a vicious cycle. There are things we can do that are totally free - to help others in need. Like going down to donate a couple hours at a shelter - to help with the meal assembly or whatever. Michael had his grand ways of reaching out to the world in need - but we don't need to have that kind of money to make a difference. And once you see that smile on someone's face, that joy in seeing you take interest in making their one day a better one - it is a powerful natural high - the best kind of high that makes you KNOW there is a purpose in everything. We are God's tools. Just like how Michael was. And Michael might not be able to physically do anything now, since he is no longer with us - but if we want his legacy to remain alive and if we don't want his struggles in life to be in vain, we can make a difference by doing something out there in our own towns, neighborhoods to make a single day better for a stranger. Believe me, it will make you feel like someone reached into your heart and took out all the sadness and replaced it with a light hearted joy. And that positivity regenerates within you, and that is where your optimism and energy to do things for yourself will come from - like new ideas to help land you a better job situation.
Remember that "Man in the Mirror" was meant for people, ordinary citizens like you and me and so many others...it was meant to reach out to us and speak to us, and MAKE us move towards the positive light.
And in God's most precious message, He tells us that we need to take the first step, make that move, and He will come running to guide us, to take our hand. But he can't force us to make the move. He gives us the power to make the stand...and He'll do the rest. I believe you can do it. Whatever it is that inspires you, whatever it is that you love doing, that makes you YOU - do it. He'll be there to raise you up and move you forward, if only you'll make that turn when you see it there. We never thought the day would actually come in our life times to see Obama become president. It happened. Jesse Jackson cried tears of joy watching the outcome of the new Presidency. I wonder often, if MJ was watching, what he might have thought or said. I only wish I could have seen MJ's reaction. "Man in the Mirror" would've been a great song for Obama's win. lol...a time for a new turning, a time for standing up to things that CAN happen. take care, and I hope you feel better soon. Michael planted a seed in all of us, a seed of thought, of hope, of insentive, of possibilities. We can make an entire forest grow from that seed in our minds, our hearts. We just need to nurutre it, like how a seed needs sunlight and water...
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« on: April 26, 2010, 05:33:15 AM »
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I just wanted to send out some smiles to anyone not feeling so great today! Straight from yesteryear ~~~ the greatest! I remember as a kid, my neighbor's teenage sister and brother used to listen to this all the time...SMILE!! 
28
« on: April 26, 2010, 05:21:10 AM »
WOW thanks you guys. I really needed to know that I was not the only one with the exact same feelings. It helps to know that lots of you out there DO live a life, ARE carrying on normally, TAKE PART of responsibilities...but still crumble from time to time when it's quiet, and there is time to reflect on your insides, coming out. Thanks so much...Keep in touch please, let me know how you are all doing when this summer comes around...it's like staring at a wrapped Christmas gift under the tree as a child, and sort of knowing what might or might not be in there...and wanting to open it, but still a bit scared...in case it's not what I wanted...Take care..Think I'll go listen to something happy - like "Rockin' Robbin" on youtube...lol...PEACE to you all....
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« on: April 26, 2010, 02:23:23 AM »
Well thank you all for your input...I am in my mid 40's, and a mother of two teenage boys, and have been married to a great husband for the past 15 years, but have known him for 8 years before marrying. I do have a life, if it sounded like I didn't - and I do have a strong belief in God - everything starts with Him and returns to Him - and so many things we may not comprehend, He is all knowing. It's not like I am wasting my life crying over MJ - it's just that when a 'gift' such as he, so beyond simple comprehension, leaves us - it is very hard to come away from the 'lack of' that person that was such a gift to us. In all forms, he was art in human form. I put my concentration and energy into raising my boys...spending time with them...helping them plan their future...and I do not regret a single moment of having them, and this life...but it is just the other side of me - the other part of me that was enchanted by all the things MJ was, his unique connection to the world - when most of us have never met him...his aura, his charismatic performances that seemed to jump out from some place only he knew of - it is hard to accept that such a lively part of the world, is gone. He represented a kind of energy flow that only comes once in a lifetime...there are many entertainers, and many celebs in our world...but not all have that 'something'...that they send out in that kind of energy. Of course MJ is only human. He replaces not my faith, my belief, my God. But it is the unfamiliar 'place' in life and on earth, the unfamiliar place where MJ no longer walks, which is now our earth to continue living in - that is hard. It is a place where God has taken that ingredient away that feels cold and empty. MJ was to me, the added 'ingredient' in the normalcy of life. And now that 'ingredient' is gone, only leaving a memory of what that 'ingredient' was like.
I think alot of us are misunderstood by some - we are not suicidal - no...we are just trying to cope with recovery and life - and it is normal for the process to take a long time, and through different levels of healing. Of course I will be ok one day. I will be able to just smile when thinking of MJ, without feeling so much sorrow. I'm not one to be easily distracted by the latest, the newest, and other such superficial things in life. I have but a few things that I treasure - my spouse, my kids, my health, my home, and the faith that is responsible for giving me those things I am greatful for...and MJ just happened to be one of the people I felt was, in his unique way, an irreplaceable element...tthat made things feel special, that's all.
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« on: April 25, 2010, 05:42:50 AM »
I thought I had survived it all - the repetitive cycles that made me insane. Feeling vibrant, energetic, living my days by MJ music, keeping up the faith that he will soon be back...then facing the down days when it seemed the only thing I was hanging by, was my stubborn belief that he is not gone really - and that the world over could laugh at me, but I was going to be the one smiling and standing and saying "See - see I told you so." the day that MJ comes back...and then it repeated itself, off again, on again, off again, on again, until I could no longer tolerate the insanity, the emotions that just kept me feeling like I was either alive or lacking all feelings.
SO I DECIDED awhile ago - about a week I think - to let this all go and close the book. I couldn't even say I'd wait till the summer to find out...I just told myself, 'enough already'. I can't be in limbo. I can't be doubtful one day and then a believer the next. I then put away all thoughts of Michael, all thoughts of any issues relating to him. I decided to continue on with my life, the way it had been prior to this WHOLE mess. And it is a mess, you should see the inside of my soul if you could - it's in shambles. And so I did - I picked up my heart off the lowest point of my existence and said "no more". I went on doing what I always do, did what I had to do each day, and it was okay - would you believe it? I put away my MJ music, I stopped listening to him totally. I felt then, my heart begin to heal in an odd way. I didn't cry. I didn't think about him. I didn't wonder what was going on in the rest of the lives of everyone here on the site...and then today -on the way to an appointment, I sat by the window watching the scenery go by - I pulled out my cell phone and plugged in my earphones and looked through my music files I had uploaded onto the phone months ago...At first I skipped over the MJ collection. But then I was curious, to see what my reaction would be, should I listen to his music again. "Oh I'm all over the tears already..I'll be fine"...I thought. So I chose of all songs, Stranger in Moscow...then You Are Not Alone...then Human Nature...and suddenlly my eyes were both trying to hold back the tears that were overwhelming me.
Suddenlly my heart felt like it was breaking in two pieces, literally. I could feel my rib cage collaspse and I could hardly breathe.
He was still there, MJ was - carefully held in place deep in the furthest place in my heart, trying to survive amidst all the doubt and lack of faith I chose to take - simply because I could no longer bear to even THIN KOF HIM. That was how insanely painful the whole process was starting to feel. I had actually numbed myself into thinking it was okay to just not think about him at all, simply because it was too much emotion for me to carry, day in and out. I am back to a familiar place...some might call it denial of the truth, or denial of reality...but if that's what it is, then let it be so - because the truth of it all, is..simply, I can't feel anyting else regarding MJ other than still miss him. I thought I had grown strong enough to close the book...and just not even acknowledge him. But it can never be htat way. You can't deny yourself oxygen, light, water, you can't. And in the same way, MJ is just going to be a permanent part of life, and the world as we know it - because he made it that way. There can be no world without MJ in it...whether or not we see him walk the earth or we don't...he still existed, and he still exists to many of us...So with these tears and the pain that still lingers - I welcome back MJ into my struggle, my personal struggle of loving his music, loving his messages, and loving his legacy. He will go on, and on , until there is no universe. Whther or not I believe still, that he will be back soon - is no longer the point. The point is, I will never shut the door of my soul, on him again. He is here to stay...
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