Recently i have been really down because of all this.
I have been obsessively on these sites, and watching videos and pictures of Michael and falling deeply in love with a man who is supposed to be dead!
I have fantasies that we will meet and he will hug me and be my friend.
Im a single lady and i fear this obsession will lead me to be sad and lonely forever.... pining after a man who is the ultimate in unavailability.
How can any other man compare to MJ?
I sometimes think i am locked into the denial stage of grief. Maybe i need to stop searching for clues he is alive and learn to let go and to grief.. to accept in my heart he has gone and to try and accept that.
I have been thinking lately... would MJ have it in his heart to put people through all this pain? Would he really?
?? Would he allow me to feel this way?
Sometimes i feel deep regret that i didnt try harder to reach him when he was alive.... but i never did because in life i always felt he was untouchable. Why would a man like him want to talk to me? He would never reply to any of my letters or emails so why bother to send any? He was in the orbit of celebrity and always seemed beyond reach to me.
Now i have researched so much into the man i wish i had tried as we had so much in common that he may have wanted to talk to me at least once.
Im in pain and im hurting.
I dont want to go back to my job in the new year, i want to quit and leave. Pack my bags and leave forever.
I feel i cant do this anymore.
Just my thoughts.
Also.. all these people who are yabbering on in Facebook and twitter like Karen faye and susan etok and jermaine.. and all the people who make false profiles and all the people who lie and say they have information and that they knew the man... all these people who want to make money off MJ and publicity and attention for themselves. I hate them all and i cant take it anymore.
All i want is Michael back.... but if he aint coming back then how can i carry on?
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