This is a blog I wrote.
Don´t be a victim
How to recognize a bully
"All cruelty springs from weaknes"
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)....
Never suffer in silence. No matter how popular a bully seems, you do not have to handle him alone, I´m here to help you.
Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated acts over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target. Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other....
Bullying can happen anywhere, at any time, to anyone. It's not just a school or teenage problem. You can be bullied in lots of other places.
Even adults get bullied. So it's very important to learn how to combat bullying
I am going to lead this article in to the awareness of cyber-bullying
Most bullying is traceable to one person, male or female - bullying is not a gender issue. Bullies are often clever people (especially female bullies) but you can be clever too.
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof, however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people.
Their .. Power over people
The serial bully is able to exert a hold over people for a variety of reasons
Targets are disempowered such that they become dependent on the bully to allow them to get through each day without their life being made hell.
The serial bully is often able to bewitch an emotionally needy colleague into supporting them; this person then becomes the bully's spokesperson and advocate. How people can be so easily and repeatedly taken in by the bully's glib charm and constant lying is a mystery. Psychopaths are especially adept at conning people in this manner.
The medical profile:
Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD)
Borderline Personality Disorder
Do you think you have been a target? Read more:
Bullies often act out because they feel they have no control over their own lives; they bully in an attempt to take control.
Ignoring bullies do not make them stop. Intervention and awareness can end the harassment. Bullies thrive on the reactions of their victims, and ignoring them can make them step up their efforts.
If you are being bullied, is there anything you can do to stop it? The answer is YES, but the methods don't always work: All bullies are different, and many are very unpredictable.
1st, don't let yourself become a victim.
Fighting back against a bully will only escalate the situation; most of the time, that is exactly what he wants you to do. Arguing with him is usually frustrating, impossible or dangerous, especially if the person is impaired by drugs.
If ignoring just doesn't work, reply in a non-threatening or insulting manner. This takes the fun out of the taunting for the bully ....
In any case, ignoring is the best solution. Consider that this individuals are mentally sick....
The next level would be to address the situation legally to avoid other future victims
Some situations are more serious and will require intervention by other people. In this case you need to tell someone else about it. Go to an older person you can trust: your parent or a friend's parent...Keep telling people until you find someone who will deal with the situation.
No one deserves to be bullied. You are a great person and you are loved, so put an end to the bullying now. Don't hide, speak out and tell someone!
Get to know a bully: Patterns of recognition
The bully is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity.
is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence ....
shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
is quick to discredit and neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviours
may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organisations in pursuance of the vendetta ....
is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account ....
gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions
poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
often has an overwhelming, unhealthy, narcissistic, attention-seeking need to portray themselves as the right person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behaviour and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
is mean, and untrustworthy
is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
is always a taker and never a giver
is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness) ....
often fraudulently claims facts that never happened to create alliances....
is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication....
is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability....
is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly....
cannot be trusted or relied upon....
fails to fulfil commitments....
is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of child.....
is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy....
exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour and bodily functions.
More patterns and resume:
* has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides.
* is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment.
* relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a "normal" human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib.
* displays a great deal of certitude and self-assuredness to mask their insecurity.
* excels at deception
* exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour.
* displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others.
* when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression.
* often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic need to portray themselves as the right person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen....
* has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, trust and integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, distrust and deceitfulness).
* when called to account, immediately and aggressively denies everything, then counter-attacks with distorted or fabricated criticisms and allegations; if this is insufficient, quickly feigns victimhood (like making a hospital call..)
* is also ... aggressive, devious, manipulative, spiteful, vengeful, doesn't listen, can't sustain mature adult conversation, lacks a conscience, shows no remorse, is drawn to power, emotionally cold and flat, humourless, joyless, ungrateful, dysfunctional, disruptive, divisive, rigid and inflexible, selfish, insincere, insecure, immature and deeply inadequate, especially in interpersonal skills.
Focusing on one common type. The Attention-Seeker
Motivation: to be the centre of attention
Mindset: control freak, manipulation, narcissism
Malice: medium to high; when held accountable, very high....
* emotionally immature
* selectively friendly - is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest.
* is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention.
* manipulative of people's perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner.
* sycophantic, fawning, toadying
* everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama.
* prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention.
* capitalises on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention.
* exploits others' suffering and grief as a vehicle for gaining attention.
* misappropriates others' statements.
* excusitis, makes excuses for everything.
* shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged.
* lots of self-pity creating a victim of him/her self.
* often as miserable as sin, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the act of deceiving.
* demanding of others
* easily provoked.
* feigns victimhood when held accountable, claiming they're the one being bullied and harassed.
* presents as a false victim when outwitted.
* may feign exclusion, isolation or persecution.
* malicious
* constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight.
* the focus of their life is to be the centre of attention.
Never suffer in silence. No matter how popular a bully seems, you do not have to handle him alone, I´m here to help you.
Bibliography.
Buunk, B. y Hoorens,V. (1992). Social support and stress, The role of social comparison and social....
exchange processes. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 31(4), 445-457.....
Cabaco, A.S. (1994). Estudio empírico de indicadores psicosociales de salud en sujetos de ..12 a.. 14 años de....
Bustamante (coord.): Ensayos y conferencias sobre Prevención e Intervención en Salud Mental.....
Salamanca: Junta de Castilla y León.....
Fernández Ballesteros, R. (1994). Evaluación conductual hoy. Un enfoque para el cambio en psicología....
Fernández Ríos, L. (1994). Manual de psicología preventiva. Teoría y práctica. ....Madrid....: Siglo XXI.....
Ficken, M. y Popp, J. (1996). A comparative analysis of passerine mobbing calls. Auk, 113(2), 370-380.....
Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology, 38(4), 287-292.....
Jiménez Díaz, L. y Cabaco, AS. (Dirs.) (1991). Estudio de las características psicosociales Jiménez Díaz, L., Cabaco, A.S. y González, A. (1992). Estudio epidemiológico descriptivo, diagnóstico y de intervención en patología psicosomática....
Jiménez Díaz, L., Cabaco, A.S. y González, A. (1994). Trastornos de la conducta infanto-juvenil.....
Keltikangas, J. y Terav, T. (1996). Social decision-making strategies in individualist and collectivist cultures:....
Méndez, X., Macía, A. y Olivares, J. (eds) (1993). Intervención conductual en contextos comunitarios.....
Madrid: Pirámide.....
Murray, J. (1992). Prevention and the identification of high risk groups. International Review of Psychiatrye,....
Murrell, S., Norris, F. y Chipley, Q. (1992). Functional versus structural social support, desirable events, and positive affect in older adults. ....
Schuster, B. (1996). Rejection, exclusion, and harassment at work and in schools. European Psychologist,....1(4), 293-309.....
Silva, M. (1992). El clima en las organizaciones. Teoría, método e intervención. Barcelona: P.P.U....
Bully org publicación online....
HIRIGOYEN, MARIE-FRANCE EL ACOSO MORAL EN EL TRABAJO: DISTINGUIR LO VERDADERO DE LO FALSO. EDICIONES PAIDOS IBERICA, S.A. ISBN: 8449311225Glòria Poyatos i Matas; J. F. Escudero (Ed. Bosch) MOBBING: ANáLISIS MULTIDISCIPLINAR Y ESTRATEGIA LEGAL COMENTARIOS Y FORMULARIOSISBN: 8497900251.
..LA VIOLENCIA EN.. EL TRABAJO EN EL SECTOR DE SERVICIOS Y MEDIDAS PARA COMBATIR ESTE FENÓMENO 2004. ISBN 92-2-315288-7
Bullying organizations:
http://www.pacer.org
http://www.stopbullyingworld.org
http://www.ravendays.org
http://www.bullycomplaint.com
Please, add the ones in your local areas :)
