Hi guys.
After 4 years, I just don't know what I feel. I took a long break from the hoaxland, not because I wnated to, but because things just happened in my life and the wave just took me with it, I've met new people who captured my attention, I've learned new things about myself, about my mind, my feelings, which I constantly try to analize and understand better.
Michael, if you are here, though it sounds crazy to still believe you're here, Michael, I want to say I'm sorry for being weak, for not staying here full time till the end, not because I've lost faith, but because maybe it was enough. I am not a patient person. I am that kind of results-oriented person, and I just don't have patience to wait indefinitely for something to happen. Of course you're in charge, you do whatever you want to, but your plans are made on such a long term that it's too much for me. This is it...sorry Michael, I don't know what else to say.
As listening to your music became too painful, I started to listen to different genders so I can distance myself from something that caused me joy but also a deep pain. Your music forces people to leave their comfort zone and fight to be better, to change themselves, to try to be perfect, like the Bible says, and ...I've just gave up at some point, maybe I've reached a critical point or something,I had to move on to stop the suffering involved in the process of change.
Sometimes I listen to your music again and I end up crying every single time. Because you are too good for this world, too good for me, I feel unworthy or maybe the air upthere is too thin for me, I don't know, let's just say I'm only human and I can not be perfect. Yeah I love the golden pants and all that they mean to women, but I don't feel bad about myself for that. I mean what's not to like
? If this is a sin, I can't fight with it and in fact I don't want to fight it for a second
because it feels good
.
........... I am not sure what I feel. Looking back to those first days after June 25th I still can not believe you are dead. Though the probability is that you are indeed dead. It hurts less now, let's say now I can accept the idea, after so many years I can finally accept it without feeling like the whole life doesn't have sense anymore. But it still looks like a hoax, I must say
.
Anyway, I love you, you're the closest to perfection from all people I know or don't know hahahahha! In my head you're the closest to perfection. I wish you are happy, rich and free.
And of course I love you Michael Jackson, like everybody else here, I love you handsome.
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